What To Do When You Hate Yourself - 5 Tips

1. Do You Truly Hate Yourself?

Self-hate is a dark, black hole in our soul that can be easy to fall into, but difficult to get out of. Last week I wrote about some of the reasons why people hate themselves. I want to give you some things to do when you feel like you hate yourself and you say things like, "I hate myself, I'm no good, I'm so stupid, or I'm worthless."

The truth is you are NONE of those things. But it's easy to think you are, especially if you have been believing all these negative thoughts about yourself.

So, what do you do to climb out of the dark hole in your soul?

2. Decide what you want to change about yourself

Nobody can make you love you other than you! It's your responsibility to rearrange your thinking away from all the negative stuff you've been thinking and think more positive thoughts about yourself. It's often been said, "If I think better, I will act better. And if I act better, I will feel better."

Cody wrote: I've found that sometimes our greatest enemy is ourselves. And the way we think can hurt worse than any words. And when left with nothing but your own thoughts, and if those thoughts are negative, self-hate is born.

It takes a real effort to turn negative self-defeating thoughts into positive life-changing ones. But try it! And if you stick with it, you soon will see you're feeling better about yourself.

If you don't like something about yourself that you can actually change, start to do that today.

3. Figure out what you CAN change and do it!

IF you hate yourself, is there a specific thing that you hate? If you don't like something about yourself that you can actually change, start to do that today. Maybe you don't like your weight you can start eating properly and getting exercise TODAY! Get involved with a sport or a favorite hobby. You'll be amazed by how good it makes you feel to take care of yourself.

Don't obsess over what you think are your flaws. Work on what you can change and ask God to help you accept the rest. Create the healthy life you desire (and deserve!) some people get trapped living miserable lives, not realizing they have the ability to change their situation. Don't get stuck in that trap!

4. Build up your self-esteem by making a list of your 10 best qualities:

Can't think of 10? There are more than you think but try starting with one. For example, I am a loyal friend or I care about others, or I am in touch with how I feel, or I have a lot to offer my friends, or I am a good listener, etc.

Find out what your friends and family value about you. You might be surprised to find out what the people who love you see in you! As you begin to dwell on the good things you offer, your confidence will grow.

Others will take note of it because you will have made yourself more attractive.

Betsy wrote: Since I stood up for something, people started to respect me and I was able to find confidence in myself. You can't please everyone, so focus on making yourself proud before you expect anyone else to be proud of you.
Each day, find something to do that makes you feel proud of yourself. Discover the things you love, try new things, go to new places. Make some short-term and long-term goals.

Decide that you will never say the words, "I Hate Myself" ever again. Those words are toxic. Why hate yourself? When in reality there is a lot in you worth loving.

5. Use gratitude as a weapon against self-hatred

You will find people who dwell on the positive things in their life...things for which they are grateful, are usually much happier than those who don't.

Negative thoughts, mixed with worry, make a person miserable to live with.

So, if you are tired of hearing the same old, negative thoughts, make a daily list of the things you are grateful for, and you'll be surprised at how quickly your attitude begins to change.

Challenge yourself to reflect each day for just a minute or two about what you feel grateful for that day...maybe it was delicious pancakes for breakfast, a smile from a friend, nice weather, could be something as simple as the color of the grass, or a good grade on a quiz. It doesn't have to be what you know you should be thankful for, but something that you actually feel grateful for.

Remember God loves you

The most powerful way to overcome self-hate is to focus on God's love. After all, if God loves you, and He does with all of your faults and hurts, it should make it easier for us to accept ourselves. Let God change what He wants to change, and you'll feel much better about your life.

God made you very unique. And it's this uniqueness that makes you special.

Please stop hating someone God loves so much. YOU!!

Angie wrote: It's very easy to find reasons to believe I am of no value to anyone, or to God. But I am of value because God loves me, even if no one else does.

As you start believing in yourself more, you'll have more good days than bad. It's easy to find the negative, so look for the positive in each situation. And most importantly, keep your faith in God this will help lead you to the happiness you seek. Please stop hating someone God loves so much. YOU!!

Don't stay in that place of self-hate, it's going to take time to change what you think about yourself but it's possible.  Check out one of my other blogs about self-hate: Why Do You Hate Yourself.

And check out this blog to start to begin to change this part of your life: 6 Steps To Change Your Life.

Dawson McAllister
Dawson McAllister, also known as America's youth pastor, was an author, radio host, speaker, and founder of TheHopeLine. McAllister attended Bethel College in Minnesota for undergraduate work where he graduated in 1968, began graduate studies at Talbot School of Theology in California, and received an honorary doctorate from Biola University.
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432 comments on “What To Do When You Hate Yourself - 5 Tips”

  1. I'm too old to feel this way. I have a husband and three amazing children. I feel so lost. I don't know what to do with my time, my head won't stop. I just feel so angry and tearful all the time....

    1. It sounds like you may be suffering from depression. It would be good to see your doctor about it. Here is our free eBook about depression - https://www.thehopeline.com/ebook/understanding-depression You don't have to keep suffering. Depression is a chemical imbalance in the brain and is treatable with the right medication. WebMD has a good explanation of what clinical depression is - http://www.webmd.com/depression/guide/what-is-depression#1

  2. I lived a life to the capacity but didn't enjoy most of it. You see I think I was brought into this world as a mistake.Mostly because I did everything wrong. Even though I don't remember my childhood, I've heard stories about it. Stories about me stealing. That and lying to get "friends." Moving past that I was bullied by my so called friends in middle school. I was the girl who didn't think to shower. I was always smelly and an easy target. Very much gullible. There was a time that I had perfume sprayed on me and words written lesbian and ugly from two people in my class. I don't know why I can't forget that. For now with the job I have and school to focus on, it's like I don't have a life. Not much money or people to care about. I have recently and in the past always thought that there isn't a life for me here. And I think that this might be my end.

  3. Moving around a lot as a kid there was one place I was the longest and where I grew up. When I left it and all my friends behind they all quickly forgot about me. People i had known for 7 long years just like that. So I kept to myself and now just prefer to sit alone in whatever it is I do. Made some amazing friends but it is still me finding myself on the outside a lot. Now my girlfriend my first and only has told me I've basically made her miserable for 9 months of the 11 we've been together. Not even trying to do anything but care for her and love her I've been told I'm controlling. Telling me it's been more bad than good has been soul crushing. That I hurt her so much has destroyed me and I find myself once more without the light that seemed to keep me afloat....of all the things that have helped me she has been the brightest light in the darkest of days. But I feel it dimming whether or not I should stay with her and try to work on things or just leave for her own is hard to decide between. And I just find myself hating myself despising my every action. Questioning if the one thing I thought I had done right was a mistake or not. If I had ever done anything right...

  4. Hi you guys. I'm a gay male and I truly hate myself. I've always did. Growing up i was neglected by family and friends for coming off as "Gay " so to try to escape the hurt and pain I did what most guys do. FAKE STR8 and live a DL life. Now living a DL was super easy... it's like act tough and no one will suspect a thing... I'm naturally tough so hey not a problem. But through it all i was still so unhappy. So then I came out the closet thinking maybe this will help. Well it did a lil until i started becoming depressed for not feeling like i was good enough to be openly gay. Like ppl get mad at me and call me ugly. They would say i was to fat to be gay, to ugly, all sorts of things and i cry cry cry every night. I really wanna die. I feel happiness and life just isn't for me... I'm just to scared to kill myself.... but i live recklessly hoping one day soon someone will end me. Im a really nice person though. I treat ppl the way I want to be treated and treat them the I wish ppl would treat me. I try to think positive... doesn't work. I pray all the time... I LOVE GOD HE IS REALLY MY ONLY FRIEND... I still hurt tho... idk what to do... I just wanna know why do i hate my self this much....

  5. I hate myself for lying on a school trip and saying I used to ski black-diamonds, and later I got moved to beginners. in front of my friends. I did many lies and I can't stop hating myself for it. please help!

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