What To Do When You Hate Yourself - 5 Tips

1. Do You Truly Hate Yourself?

Self-hate is a dark, black hole in our soul that can be easy to fall into, but difficult to get out of. Last week I wrote about some of the reasons why people hate themselves. I want to give you some things to do when you feel like you hate yourself and you say things like, "I hate myself, I'm no good, I'm so stupid, or I'm worthless."

The truth is you are NONE of those things. But it's easy to think you are, especially if you have been believing all these negative thoughts about yourself.

So, what do you do to climb out of the dark hole in your soul?

2. Decide what you want to change about yourself

Nobody can make you love you other than you! It's your responsibility to rearrange your thinking away from all the negative stuff you've been thinking and think more positive thoughts about yourself. It's often been said, "If I think better, I will act better. And if I act better, I will feel better."

Cody wrote: I've found that sometimes our greatest enemy is ourselves. And the way we think can hurt worse than any words. And when left with nothing but your own thoughts, and if those thoughts are negative, self-hate is born.

It takes a real effort to turn negative self-defeating thoughts into positive life-changing ones. But try it! And if you stick with it, you soon will see you're feeling better about yourself.

If you don't like something about yourself that you can actually change, start to do that today.

3. Figure out what you CAN change and do it!

IF you hate yourself, is there a specific thing that you hate? If you don't like something about yourself that you can actually change, start to do that today. Maybe you don't like your weight you can start eating properly and getting exercise TODAY! Get involved with a sport or a favorite hobby. You'll be amazed by how good it makes you feel to take care of yourself.

Don't obsess over what you think are your flaws. Work on what you can change and ask God to help you accept the rest. Create the healthy life you desire (and deserve!) some people get trapped living miserable lives, not realizing they have the ability to change their situation. Don't get stuck in that trap!

4. Build up your self-esteem by making a list of your 10 best qualities:

Can't think of 10? There are more than you think but try starting with one. For example, I am a loyal friend or I care about others, or I am in touch with how I feel, or I have a lot to offer my friends, or I am a good listener, etc.

Find out what your friends and family value about you. You might be surprised to find out what the people who love you see in you! As you begin to dwell on the good things you offer, your confidence will grow.

Others will take note of it because you will have made yourself more attractive.

Betsy wrote: Since I stood up for something, people started to respect me and I was able to find confidence in myself. You can't please everyone, so focus on making yourself proud before you expect anyone else to be proud of you.
Each day, find something to do that makes you feel proud of yourself. Discover the things you love, try new things, go to new places. Make some short-term and long-term goals.

Decide that you will never say the words, "I Hate Myself" ever again. Those words are toxic. Why hate yourself? When in reality there is a lot in you worth loving.

5. Use gratitude as a weapon against self-hatred

You will find people who dwell on the positive things in their life...things for which they are grateful, are usually much happier than those who don't.

Negative thoughts, mixed with worry, make a person miserable to live with.

So, if you are tired of hearing the same old, negative thoughts, make a daily list of the things you are grateful for, and you'll be surprised at how quickly your attitude begins to change.

Challenge yourself to reflect each day for just a minute or two about what you feel grateful for that day...maybe it was delicious pancakes for breakfast, a smile from a friend, nice weather, could be something as simple as the color of the grass, or a good grade on a quiz. It doesn't have to be what you know you should be thankful for, but something that you actually feel grateful for.

Remember God loves you

The most powerful way to overcome self-hate is to focus on God's love. After all, if God loves you, and He does with all of your faults and hurts, it should make it easier for us to accept ourselves. Let God change what He wants to change, and you'll feel much better about your life.

God made you very unique. And it's this uniqueness that makes you special.

Please stop hating someone God loves so much. YOU!!

Angie wrote: It's very easy to find reasons to believe I am of no value to anyone, or to God. But I am of value because God loves me, even if no one else does.

As you start believing in yourself more, you'll have more good days than bad. It's easy to find the negative, so look for the positive in each situation. And most importantly, keep your faith in God this will help lead you to the happiness you seek. Please stop hating someone God loves so much. YOU!!

Don't stay in that place of self-hate, it's going to take time to change what you think about yourself but it's possible.  Check out one of my other blogs about self-hate: Why Do You Hate Yourself.

And check out this blog to start to begin to change this part of your life: 6 Steps To Change Your Life.

Dawson McAllister
Dawson McAllister, also known as America's youth pastor, was an author, radio host, speaker, and founder of TheHopeLine. McAllister attended Bethel College in Minnesota for undergraduate work where he graduated in 1968, began graduate studies at Talbot School of Theology in California, and received an honorary doctorate from Biola University.
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432 comments on “What To Do When You Hate Yourself - 5 Tips”

  1. I never realized my problems stemmed from hating myself and trying to be perfect, been seeing a councilor and its starting to help, I just recently did something stupid and embarrassing again and I hated myself for it and I want to change, I have a hard time in conversation not knowing what to say that has been getting better, sometimes I have suicidle thoughts I really want them to stop, not sure how, sometimes through the day im in outer space in the past or in the future how do I stop this?

  2. Thank you for this post. I am going through the end of a very hard relashonship and he is very verbally abusive to me. I always hear how worthless I am, how much nobody wants me around, and that I'm a poor parent. It's difficult for me because I have been the only one holding a job ( I lost my job a few weeks ago) he will not work at all. And he will not leave. My landlord is for closing my home and I have no Money and nowhere to go. I've been searching for work but when I'm home I can only find my self on the couch depressed and wondering why I am here. Nothing I do is good enough for this family in his eyes. And he has tore me down so much my self worth is completely out the window. It gives me hope that God is there and that he has a wonderful plan for me. But it's so difficult to pull out of this depression and be the best I can be. I am so overwhelmed with losing my home and having so much trouble finding work that I do feel worthless. I try so hard to tell myself that I'm not but he does his best to say the worst things he can to bring me back down. I'm going to work as hard as I can to do the things in this post day by day to better myself and move forward. Thank you for posting and reminding me that I can get through this and despite him I have god and people who love me.

  3. Ken, sometimes it takes us awhile to get to and read all of the comments we receive. I hope others will read your post and respond. I can understand how hard it is to see suffering all around you and to question who God really is. One of my favorite characters in the Bible is Thomas. He sometimes get a bad rap being called "Doubting Thomas," but he was courageous enough to ask the tough questions in order to find the true Jesus. Ken, keep asking the tough questions until you find the real Truth.

  4. Exactly what am I supposed to do if the things I hate about myself is unchangeable? I honestly hate mostly everything about myself and I can fix most of it but my skin is unchangeable. I have really bad acne and acne scarring and I've tried everything, not even dermatologists know what to do about it. Every time I look in the mirror I just want to cry. Honestly, I've always been told I'm worthless and ugly and that I'm never going to be good enough in any aspects. I believe that 100%. I've tried to get into groups and clubs, etc, but I'm disowned because I'm so different. Even in my youth group I am. All the girls are so much prettier than I am and I hate myself so much. I can't change how bad my skin is... I kinda just want to stop trying and cry.

    1. I read a quote somewhere that says "beauty is only skin deep but ugliness goes all the way to the bone." I really believe it's the truth. Those supposedly beautiful people who told you those horrible things are uglier than you can imagine. If any of them have a shred of humanity, I guarantee that they feel the weight of their actions every moment of every day. I went from being bullied to becoming a bully in an effort to be accepted and can't seem to forgive myself. I was a hero when I stood up for my friends but ended up becoming a villain when I joined in the bullying of others. Somewhere along the way, I lost myself. Giving in to the pressure just to take the focus off of myself is one of the most selfish things I've ever done. Ten years after graduating high school, I've learned that most adults are still stuck in that mindset. I understand looking out for one's self, but....! A lot of us just need to take a step back and see where we've gotten ourselves and how we feel about the people we've walked over to get there. That alone makes me feel justified in hating myself. What am I supposed to do about all the stuff I haven't mentioned in this post? Nicole H, if someone tells you that you are ugly or not worth anything, don't hate yourself. Pity the ignorant jerk who knows no better and go on with your day with the knowledge that your spirit will easily outshine their short lived looks 100% of the time.

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