What To Do When You Hate Yourself - 5 Tips

1. Do You Truly Hate Yourself?

Self-hate is a dark, black hole in our soul that can be easy to fall into, but difficult to get out of. Last week I wrote about some of the reasons why people hate themselves. I want to give you some things to do when you feel like you hate yourself and you say things like, "I hate myself, I'm no good, I'm so stupid, or I'm worthless."

The truth is you are NONE of those things. But it's easy to think you are, especially if you have been believing all these negative thoughts about yourself.

So, what do you do to climb out of the dark hole in your soul?

2. Decide what you want to change about yourself

Nobody can make you love you other than you! It's your responsibility to rearrange your thinking away from all the negative stuff you've been thinking and think more positive thoughts about yourself. It's often been said, "If I think better, I will act better. And if I act better, I will feel better."

Cody wrote: I've found that sometimes our greatest enemy is ourselves. And the way we think can hurt worse than any words. And when left with nothing but your own thoughts, and if those thoughts are negative, self-hate is born.

It takes a real effort to turn negative self-defeating thoughts into positive life-changing ones. But try it! And if you stick with it, you soon will see you're feeling better about yourself.

If you don't like something about yourself that you can actually change, start to do that today.

3. Figure out what you CAN change and do it!

IF you hate yourself, is there a specific thing that you hate? If you don't like something about yourself that you can actually change, start to do that today. Maybe you don't like your weight you can start eating properly and getting exercise TODAY! Get involved with a sport or a favorite hobby. You'll be amazed by how good it makes you feel to take care of yourself.

Don't obsess over what you think are your flaws. Work on what you can change and ask God to help you accept the rest. Create the healthy life you desire (and deserve!) some people get trapped living miserable lives, not realizing they have the ability to change their situation. Don't get stuck in that trap!

4. Build up your self-esteem by making a list of your 10 best qualities:

Can't think of 10? There are more than you think but try starting with one. For example, I am a loyal friend or I care about others, or I am in touch with how I feel, or I have a lot to offer my friends, or I am a good listener, etc.

Find out what your friends and family value about you. You might be surprised to find out what the people who love you see in you! As you begin to dwell on the good things you offer, your confidence will grow.

Others will take note of it because you will have made yourself more attractive.

Betsy wrote: Since I stood up for something, people started to respect me and I was able to find confidence in myself. You can't please everyone, so focus on making yourself proud before you expect anyone else to be proud of you.
Each day, find something to do that makes you feel proud of yourself. Discover the things you love, try new things, go to new places. Make some short-term and long-term goals.

Decide that you will never say the words, "I Hate Myself" ever again. Those words are toxic. Why hate yourself? When in reality there is a lot in you worth loving.

5. Use gratitude as a weapon against self-hatred

You will find people who dwell on the positive things in their life...things for which they are grateful, are usually much happier than those who don't.

Negative thoughts, mixed with worry, make a person miserable to live with.

So, if you are tired of hearing the same old, negative thoughts, make a daily list of the things you are grateful for, and you'll be surprised at how quickly your attitude begins to change.

Challenge yourself to reflect each day for just a minute or two about what you feel grateful for that day...maybe it was delicious pancakes for breakfast, a smile from a friend, nice weather, could be something as simple as the color of the grass, or a good grade on a quiz. It doesn't have to be what you know you should be thankful for, but something that you actually feel grateful for.

Remember God loves you

The most powerful way to overcome self-hate is to focus on God's love. After all, if God loves you, and He does with all of your faults and hurts, it should make it easier for us to accept ourselves. Let God change what He wants to change, and you'll feel much better about your life.

God made you very unique. And it's this uniqueness that makes you special.

Please stop hating someone God loves so much. YOU!!

Angie wrote: It's very easy to find reasons to believe I am of no value to anyone, or to God. But I am of value because God loves me, even if no one else does.

As you start believing in yourself more, you'll have more good days than bad. It's easy to find the negative, so look for the positive in each situation. And most importantly, keep your faith in God this will help lead you to the happiness you seek. Please stop hating someone God loves so much. YOU!!

Don't stay in that place of self-hate, it's going to take time to change what you think about yourself but it's possible.  Check out one of my other blogs about self-hate: Why Do You Hate Yourself.

And check out this blog to start to begin to change this part of your life: 6 Steps To Change Your Life.

Dawson McAllister
Dawson McAllister, also known as America's youth pastor, was an author, radio host, speaker, and founder of TheHopeLine. McAllister attended Bethel College in Minnesota for undergraduate work where he graduated in 1968, began graduate studies at Talbot School of Theology in California, and received an honorary doctorate from Biola University.
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432 comments on “What To Do When You Hate Yourself - 5 Tips”

  1. I hate myself also even though I have a wonderful family and friends. I hate who I am!! Don't know how to change this. I'm just so sad all the time and have no reason to be. I have no energy!! I feel like Im useless. I lost my Mom to Cancer in 2010 and she was my best friend. It's getting close to the anniversary of her death and I always get depressed around this time. I have so much to live for but don't feel like it's worth the effort. My family doesn't know how I feel and they would be shocked to read this. I've have a wonderful husband that doesn't understand my feelings. I feel like I'm at the end of my rope, please help me!!!

  2. I'm really sorry, z. I have no idea what you've gone through, but I can tell you without a doubt that God has not abandoned you. He loves you. He will never forsake you. He is like a good father. He wants you to be able to solve your own problems, but he will be with you every step of the way. Please look up the poem "footprints in the sand". It has helped me through a lot.

  3. ...that helps...if it's that persons first time or to just lie to have "reason(s)" for yourself & just to keep going another day..if you are truly unhappy with yourself it hits you over & over again. I have already done all these things but nothing ever helps forever. One day you realize the old reasons to live are gone & than you have to make up something else..My cat, my boyfriend, whatever if you really are looking at the BIG PICTURE..you are NOT needed you may just be wanted..In the end we will all be gone one way or another..This world is so dumbed down..We work come home, watch pointless tv shows & news that keeps you from the real truths of what goes on, eat go to sleep..Do it all over. So what is the point to work our whole lives for a little freedom

  4. Well recently I have just been so depressed at myself, my best friend.... I deceived him... I got messed up and made out with his girlfriend. It was stupid. And now everyone hates me. Even my own mother. I never had a great bond with my dad he was usually never around. I messed my life up and soon will probably not be here bc I've had soooo much planned and I think it's time to do it. So nobody really knows who this is. My name is Logan and I a very nice person after you get to know me. I've done some bad things that I'm not proud of but I've just heard I got to love with it. But what's the point when NONE of your friends like you anymore not family,or just anyone. Well there's nothing I'd rather do but die. I've tried cutting myself, getting into my brothers prescription bottle and popping 9 pills and tried to OD

  5. Been feeling down today. Because of my own fault and because of others. Kept thinking "I hate myself" and couldn't find my peace of mind. I've been badly hurt in my life, abandoned, mistreated, disrespected, victim of violence, abuse, psychological distress, pushed around, felt used, cheated, stressed, drained of energy, on the verge of self destruction. I've lost loved ones, been to more funerals than weddings. Killed the life inside of me. Lost love, hope, health, gains. Lost almost everything I worked very hard for. Sacrificed many dreams and wishes for the benefit of others, and was taken for granted and left behind after that. Felt like a doormat. Worthless, good for nothing, out of date. "I CAN'T LIVE LIKE THIS ANYMORE! I NEED TO MAKE A CHANGE! NOW!"
    Then I read this article and made the list of what I need to change, then of the
    ten qualities. Which turned up to be over 30 qualities just off the top
    of my head. Feeling much better now 🙂 How did I end up being so undervalued? With the right attitude, I could reach the skies! It's a change that needs to be done asap and needs time to work. No over-night solutions.
    If you've ever felt like this and want to make a change, please, never stop trying, never let yourself be brought down by jerks who don't care for you. Just keep fighting and stay strong! People like us should inherit the world!
    Problem is jerks have a head start: no issues to bring them down. They've been blessed with balloons under their wings. We, on the other hand, have been born with weights tied to our feet. So we have to try harder in order to lift up and fly. But that will make us stronger! And in the end, it WILL pay off! Now go and make that list, people!

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