Do You Wonder Why You Hate Yourself Even When Others Like You?
It's so tragic to hear someone say I hate myself. But down deep, many people do. Do you hate yourself? It seems there are so many things in this world that attack our self-esteem and sense of worth. When you hate your life and yourself, it feels like you're in your own personal jail, full of self-loathing, desperately wanting to get out, but not believing they can.
Can You Relate to Caroline?
Others may think you are just crying out for attention. But the feelings are very real. You are miserable because of how you feel about yourself, even if it sounds exaggerated or overly dramatic. I believe you.
Caroline described her self-hatred like this: I hated myself because I thought I wasn't good enough to be in this world. I thought I was ugly, stupid, and weird. I wished I could have been someone else.
So why do people hate themselves?
We took a poll and asked what reasons you might have to hate yourself. The majority of people said it was something about their appearance, followed closely by I didn't feel loved, and then I failed at a relationship. Each of these could be their own articles.
Blame Ourselves When Bad Things Happen
When bad things happen, we often blame ourselves. It's easy to let this blame turn into self-hatred and suck the very life out of us. This can leave us depleted of any kind of self-worth or love. When bad things happen, the worst thing you can do is spiral down into self-pity.
Sometimes self-hate is emotional exhaustion from the blame game. It's important to remember that painful, challenging, and hard times are going to happen. Sometimes you just need to give yourself a break and get some rest. You will look much better to yourself when you get some rest and forgive yourself for any mistakes. Everyone makes mistakes.
Rejection or Abandonment
Everyone will experience rejection of some sort. It's normal. But it's difficult. Not everybody is going to love you or accept you.
But it doesn't mean you're a bad person, and that you should hate yourself because of it.
Tom wrote: I used to live consumed with thoughts about what everybody else was thinking about me. I felt like people were constantly rejecting me. All the worst things came to mind, even though there was no way of actually knowing what people were thinking. I had to quit, or else I'd go crazy.
Sometimes when people experience rejection or abandonment, they turn the responsibility onto themselves, as if they are the ones who caused the pain. Don't let what other people think about you determine what you think of yourself. The freedom you experience when you let go of this burden like Tom did, will give you great joy. He's right, it's not worth going crazy over something you really can't control.
Negative Self-Talk
Thinking poorly about yourself is kind of like self-rejection. You see something about yourself that you think is stupid or ugly and you think criticizing yourself about it will somehow make it go away. It won't. It will actually make it worse. A lot of people feel ugly. Lazy. Inadequate. It's like the whole human race suffers from deep, low self-esteem.
Mona wrote: I hate who I've become. I know there is a hardworking, honest, skinny person inside me somewhere, but most of the time I think about how far to the negative I've come, then get even angrier at myself for not working harder to become the person I know I can be.
The Fight Against Self-Hate
The fight against self-hate is an on-going battle in all of us. Some struggle with it more than others, to the point of depression and suicidal thoughts. But it seems to always be there working in the shadows, waiting to pounce on us, and take us down. One thought that has helped me in this struggle is God's love for me.
I ask myself, "Why should I hate someone God loves so much? Why should I slap Him across the face? He's the one who made me, and He did it for a very special reason." There is no one else in the whole world who is just like you or me. Isn't that incredible? That person, YOU, is worth loving.
So how do you climb out of the dark hole of self-hate? Check out 5 Things to Think or Do When You Hate Yourself.
I have hated myself since I was a kid. I am 47 years old and a mess. I have been blessed with a wonderful husband and beautiful kids. I have people who admire me and love me, yet I hate me. I never feel I can do anything right. I mess everything up. Right now what I am messing up is my marriage. The one thing I have always believed in was the love of my husband. Of course with hating myself I suffer from depression and anxiety issues. Somehow this has affected my libido. first without meds it was messed up. I love my husband to no end, but as time went by I lost it. Then a situational issue came up and BAM... depression hit. It hit hard. I went to doc and got on meds and it helped, but throughout the years the meds have not helped with the libido issue. Now, a few months short of 20 years of marriage my husband has had it. He doesn't care that it is an illness, he hates that I wouldn't even let him hug me. I didn't even realize I was that bad. Now he is ready to walk and I am in shock. My depression went crazy. I have been going to my doctor for years begging for help with the libido thing. Our marriage counselor suggested I get on Bupropion,, which helps with weight and libido.. why did my doc not suggest this earlier? I asked and she said it doesn't help with the anxiety issues I have. All I know is that i hate myself even more and have in the last week of being off my anti-d in order to switch to the new one have had thoughts of suicide. I know better and know how it affects those left behind as my aunt did this when I was 13. it was devastating. i don't want to do that to anyone, but I just want this ickyness of me to stop. I am in such pain. I hate it... I hate me for doing this to me and everyone... why can't I stop hating me
Everyone always asked what's wrong, and if I can't answer I feel like I'm insulting them for trying to help. When I do have an answer it's an onslaught of insanity that comes like a flood. People tend to run when this comes out. Eventually they just stop coming back. All I want is somebody to understand but I push the ones who might be able to help further away. Or even worse, they sit, listen, try to understand, and just end up patronizing me which only makes me feel worse. The silence is the worst part. When everyone's asleep, he's all I can hear. Screaming at me. Whispering to me. I can't make the voices stop. They always have the worst ideas. Horrible ideas that I would never be able to go through with.
Have you been to see a doctor? You may need to talk to someone who can help you sort through it all and figure out what is wrong. We have trained HopeCoaches available 24/7 to chat with you and we have resources to help you. Please click the "chat now" button or go to this page - https://www.thehopeline.com/gethelp
I'm an over educated county
correctional officer. I wasted my time getting a criminal justice degree and now I work with immature people (guards) everyday. I had dreams of better. The past 5 years out of college haven't been any easier. I failed a field exam in OCS and was discharged from the military. I recently re-enlisted. I still don't get the wasted time back where I could have accomplished something else or learned something useful. I have come to hate myself. Although, I always did. High school I was usually alone as well as college. I have threatened to kill myself multiple times, but never carried it out
Mark, please don't give up. Please don't define yourself by the past. It sounds like you are smart and have accomplished a lot already - obtaining a college degree, working full-time, being in the military. Please don't hate yourself. Take some time to chat with a HopeCoach and maybe we can help you find a new perspective and fresh direction. You are a gifted, talented, and caring young man and the world needs people like you. Chat with us anytime 24/7 - click the "chat now" button or go to this link https://www.thehopeline.com/gethelp We look forward to getting to know you and helping you through this battle!
Believe in miracles😇
I have always been myself. But high school has gotten to me. Today on March 3, 2017 a boy wanted a hug. So, I gave him one and when I did he kissed me on the cheek. Now I have muscle spasm and every now and then it loses control. Well my arm lost control and punched the boy in the face. I knew it hurt I went in class and started to cry. I feel so bad now and I hate myself. Bad part about it was that the boy had a big crush on me and I had one on him. We just didn't know til now. I wanna kill myself but I know that I think is not gon fix a thing. I have been crying all day since 1:00pm. That's how bad it really was. Now he hates me and if I could go back in time I will. But I can't do that so I gotta find another way to fix this but I don't know how. I HATE MYSELF!!!!!!