Do You Wonder Why You Hate Yourself Even When Others Like You?
It's so tragic to hear someone say I hate myself. But down deep, many people do. Do you hate yourself? It seems there are so many things in this world that attack our self-esteem and sense of worth. When you hate your life and yourself, it feels like you're in your own personal jail, full of self-loathing, desperately wanting to get out, but not believing they can.
Can You Relate to Caroline?
Others may think you are just crying out for attention. But the feelings are very real. You are miserable because of how you feel about yourself, even if it sounds exaggerated or overly dramatic. I believe you.
Caroline described her self-hatred like this: I hated myself because I thought I wasn't good enough to be in this world. I thought I was ugly, stupid, and weird. I wished I could have been someone else.
So why do people hate themselves?
We took a poll and asked what reasons you might have to hate yourself. The majority of people said it was something about their appearance, followed closely by I didn't feel loved, and then I failed at a relationship. Each of these could be their own articles.
Blame Ourselves When Bad Things Happen
When bad things happen, we often blame ourselves. It's easy to let this blame turn into self-hatred and suck the very life out of us. This can leave us depleted of any kind of self-worth or love. When bad things happen, the worst thing you can do is spiral down into self-pity.
Sometimes self-hate is emotional exhaustion from the blame game. It's important to remember that painful, challenging, and hard times are going to happen. Sometimes you just need to give yourself a break and get some rest. You will look much better to yourself when you get some rest and forgive yourself for any mistakes. Everyone makes mistakes.
Rejection or Abandonment
Everyone will experience rejection of some sort. It's normal. But it's difficult. Not everybody is going to love you or accept you.
But it doesn't mean you're a bad person, and that you should hate yourself because of it.
Tom wrote: I used to live consumed with thoughts about what everybody else was thinking about me. I felt like people were constantly rejecting me. All the worst things came to mind, even though there was no way of actually knowing what people were thinking. I had to quit, or else I'd go crazy.
Sometimes when people experience rejection or abandonment, they turn the responsibility onto themselves, as if they are the ones who caused the pain. Don't let what other people think about you determine what you think of yourself. The freedom you experience when you let go of this burden like Tom did, will give you great joy. He's right, it's not worth going crazy over something you really can't control.
Negative Self-Talk
Thinking poorly about yourself is kind of like self-rejection. You see something about yourself that you think is stupid or ugly and you think criticizing yourself about it will somehow make it go away. It won't. It will actually make it worse. A lot of people feel ugly. Lazy. Inadequate. It's like the whole human race suffers from deep, low self-esteem.
Mona wrote: I hate who I've become. I know there is a hardworking, honest, skinny person inside me somewhere, but most of the time I think about how far to the negative I've come, then get even angrier at myself for not working harder to become the person I know I can be.
The Fight Against Self-Hate
The fight against self-hate is an on-going battle in all of us. Some struggle with it more than others, to the point of depression and suicidal thoughts. But it seems to always be there working in the shadows, waiting to pounce on us, and take us down. One thought that has helped me in this struggle is God's love for me.
I ask myself, "Why should I hate someone God loves so much? Why should I slap Him across the face? He's the one who made me, and He did it for a very special reason." There is no one else in the whole world who is just like you or me. Isn't that incredible? That person, YOU, is worth loving.
So how do you climb out of the dark hole of self-hate? Check out 5 Things to Think or Do When You Hate Yourself.
every day i am loose and my aim is gone ......i am student of bhm ..my family didnt support me then also poverty ,,,,,,,,,,.....i didnt belive for god ....i am single ....i want see every people are poor ..and not food quality government is not good ...no job oppourtinites ,,,,,,no rules ....
I hate myself so much. I do a lot of self pity thinking that will make evrything better. I cry at night. I think I am ugly, stupid, worthless, and I have no reason to live. I wish I could make it all go away be happy. I have been this way since I was 12. Any thoughts on how to make this go away and be happy.
I googled I hate myself hoping the results would show me how to kill myself, instead the hope line was the very first result. I hit the link bc I thought it is has something. Hope. For me hope is my children whom i love so much, i care about so much, and I live just for them. Without them I'm nothing. My family keep telling me that they care about me and they love me, but they lie. They love the perfect person I've always have been to them. the perfect daughter, the perfect sister. The one who gives everything and expecting nothing in return. The one who slaved her life cooking, wiping floors, doing homework, washing the dishes, caring for 2 other sisters and 4 brothers all the while scoring no less that A+ in school in all subjects at all years. My education was the only thing I did right to myself. Sorry that is a lie. I did it bc I want my parents to be proud of me. they wanted me to have a phd, so they can brag to everybody. I married after I finished high school. Arranged marriage. He is my cousin. All what he expected was a slave. When he saw that i am a person of dreams and I have a brain, he turned into an emotional monster. I made the mistake of sharing my secret with him. I told him I got hit all the time, but what affect me and makes me cry is when someone calls me names. I didn't know how worthless cur he is. Nobody helped me get out. "husbands always right" that what they say. I got 3 children. I fought for my studies. I graduated university with first-degree honor in management and 3 kids trailing after me. I wanted to continue my masters. My husband refused. He said it is the time that I come to my sense and be the housewife I should've been a long time ago. Throughout the years I never felt so alone. He made sure, in very ugly ways, that I never should call myself a woman. He kept telling me I'm a shameful excuse of a female and I should thank my lucky stars that he agreed to marry me. He made sure everyone knows how miserable he feels as a result of marrying me. He told me on several occasions that he is doing the male kind a service by keeping me as his wife, otherwise, every man would hate him and curse him for letting me free. I focused my care and love on my children with the little resources I had (my books and my believes) especially after I graduated. I wanted them to love school and love knowledge and love books and stories. After a year of my graduation, he asked me out of the blue to apply for an international scholarship. It turns out that he wanted a promotion in his work and couldn't get it without getting a higher degree. He couldn't afford going to graduate school and his bachelor certificate was out of date, so he couldn't apply. He wanted to use my grades and my application, so we all can come as a family and he would get his degree. Coming to Canada was a dream to me. The Mounties and the Rookie Mountains. The rivers and the beautiful nature. My English was fluent so it didn't took that long for me to get accepted to a graduate school in Canada and get that scholarship. I finished my masters in 3 years. Meanwhile, he was still studying the language-ESL. I was the one who told him to stop wasting his time and literally applied to 3 different schools all at once for him. I myself applied for a phd for myself.I got accepted. After 2 years of that We separated after 14 years of marriage. That started when we were at an indoor playground he got so mad at me that he started calling me names- nothing unusual here. But that time he was so furious he started spitting on me and screaming and calling me profanities. I took a taxi and came home and there he was waiting for me at the entrance of the building to continue his rage in front of everyone. I was so humiliated. I wished the ground to swallow me. That moment I knew I should get out. I should do something. So I was quite. I gave him the silent treatment for 2 months. How pathetic that sounds. But financially I wasn't independent and there were the kids who witnessed that. After I disengaged myself emotionally and physically (in started to sleep with the kids). I taught myself how to drive. I learned how to be finically independent. I got part time job. and again focused my efforts on my kids: enrolling them in sports. taking them everywhere, building memories with them, getting to know them even better and better. We moved to a bigger apartment so my daughter can have her own room while I shared the boys room. He has his own room. He didn't as much as looked into the new apartment before we moved in. After 8 month of that incident he again became enraged for no reason. He threatened to kill me and was chasing me until I hid in the bedroom with my kids. We were scared to death. He broke the door and was almost inside I grabbed my phone and called 911. He left the apartment. And was never allowed to get back again. I got an immediate emergency order and a sole custody to my children.It is now 6 months and he is still refusing to pay one dollar to support the kids in anything. So i ended up with all the bills and costs of everything imaginable of 3 active children of 13, 10, and 8 years old. With no family and only very few friends, I'm barely holding everything together. I'm so exhausted all the time. emotional eating is my habit. I eat healthy to my defence, but I eat ALOT. When I say I hate myself it is this one thing I see myself lacking. I'm FAT. I just came from the mall and looking into myself in the double mirrors made me realize how ugly I'm. I'm alone and feel lonely al the time. I work like like a machine. Nobody detects anything bc I'm always smiling and positive.Nonetheless, I don't see any slight attention from males around me, so I always think about what mu husband told me. I hate thinking he is right. I'm so naive and never dated a guy before and quite honestly don't know what I'm looking for or even if I should looking. I know nobody likes fatty women. I quitted the gym bc I can't afford it and there is no time for it. So how come I found the time to write all of this. I was supposed to send my supervisor a progress report a week ago, and here I am talking about my miseries. But i don't want you to feel bad for me nor I want your pity. I want to share this: writing my journey now I realize what i have been through. At least my life didn't go to waste. I raised up beautiful and smart children. I'm doing ok with my research and I'm a perfect employee the centre I'm working in ever had, so they told me. My advice is to give yourself time to grieve and time to cry. Those emotions have to be let out, but never ever let them sink you. Find a passion in your life, a sport, a game, a study, or even adopt a child and experience that sense of responsibility that makes you filled with love and alive.
What an amazing story of courage and overcoming! You were in an extremely abusive marriage, verbally, emotionally, and physically damaging. You are a great role model to your children and others of how you can overcome what you went through and become the amazing women you were created to be. Keep up the great work and continue to encourage others with your story. Many women are in abusive relationships and need someone like you to help them and give them hope.
I just really don't know anymore. It seems like time has been going by so fast and I just feel so alone and that nothing is ever going to change that and I missed every opportunity to be truly happy
I don't have anything to be sad about, But I feel like I've messes up my life so bad and I have trouble even getting out of bed. I'm needy and I always want attention. I always drive away people that cared for me with my behavior and I wish I could just be like everybody else.