Do You Wonder Why You Hate Yourself Even When Others Like You?
It's so tragic to hear someone say I hate myself. But down deep, many people do. Do you hate yourself? It seems there are so many things in this world that attack our self-esteem and sense of worth. When you hate your life and yourself, it feels like you're in your own personal jail, full of self-loathing, desperately wanting to get out, but not believing they can.
Can You Relate to Caroline?
Others may think you are just crying out for attention. But the feelings are very real. You are miserable because of how you feel about yourself, even if it sounds exaggerated or overly dramatic. I believe you.
Caroline described her self-hatred like this: I hated myself because I thought I wasn't good enough to be in this world. I thought I was ugly, stupid, and weird. I wished I could have been someone else.
So why do people hate themselves?
We took a poll and asked what reasons you might have to hate yourself. The majority of people said it was something about their appearance, followed closely by I didn't feel loved, and then I failed at a relationship. Each of these could be their own articles.
Blame Ourselves When Bad Things Happen
When bad things happen, we often blame ourselves. It's easy to let this blame turn into self-hatred and suck the very life out of us. This can leave us depleted of any kind of self-worth or love. When bad things happen, the worst thing you can do is spiral down into self-pity.
Sometimes self-hate is emotional exhaustion from the blame game. It's important to remember that painful, challenging, and hard times are going to happen. Sometimes you just need to give yourself a break and get some rest. You will look much better to yourself when you get some rest and forgive yourself for any mistakes. Everyone makes mistakes.
Rejection or Abandonment
Everyone will experience rejection of some sort. It's normal. But it's difficult. Not everybody is going to love you or accept you.
But it doesn't mean you're a bad person, and that you should hate yourself because of it.
Tom wrote: I used to live consumed with thoughts about what everybody else was thinking about me. I felt like people were constantly rejecting me. All the worst things came to mind, even though there was no way of actually knowing what people were thinking. I had to quit, or else I'd go crazy.
Sometimes when people experience rejection or abandonment, they turn the responsibility onto themselves, as if they are the ones who caused the pain. Don't let what other people think about you determine what you think of yourself. The freedom you experience when you let go of this burden like Tom did, will give you great joy. He's right, it's not worth going crazy over something you really can't control.
Negative Self-Talk
Thinking poorly about yourself is kind of like self-rejection. You see something about yourself that you think is stupid or ugly and you think criticizing yourself about it will somehow make it go away. It won't. It will actually make it worse. A lot of people feel ugly. Lazy. Inadequate. It's like the whole human race suffers from deep, low self-esteem.
Mona wrote: I hate who I've become. I know there is a hardworking, honest, skinny person inside me somewhere, but most of the time I think about how far to the negative I've come, then get even angrier at myself for not working harder to become the person I know I can be.
The Fight Against Self-Hate
The fight against self-hate is an on-going battle in all of us. Some struggle with it more than others, to the point of depression and suicidal thoughts. But it seems to always be there working in the shadows, waiting to pounce on us, and take us down. One thought that has helped me in this struggle is God's love for me.
I ask myself, "Why should I hate someone God loves so much? Why should I slap Him across the face? He's the one who made me, and He did it for a very special reason." There is no one else in the whole world who is just like you or me. Isn't that incredible? That person, YOU, is worth loving.
So how do you climb out of the dark hole of self-hate? Check out 5 Things to Think or Do When You Hate Yourself.
I know why God created me.
Because he was trolling my family
He was like: Huh, this woman expects a beautiful healthy loving girl? Ha! I'll give her an ugly stupid one instead. And why not give the daughter self hatred, just for fun"
So I am a teenager and my mom often thinks I hate her but I truly don't and I hate myself so much because I seem to ruin ever for her and I want to fix it cus I hurt the ones I love the most and I just hate myself for doing this and over me as a person but I have good qualities that just don't come out I don't let them out
You sound like you really care about your mom a lot. Have you talked to her about how you are feeling? You sound like a really wonderful daughter.
I should start by saying I found your article because I am searching for answers to find out how to love myself and have confidence. I hate myself down to my very being; the decisions I make, my indecision, how I think, my hair, my voice, my body, my current living standards. I feel I don't deserve anything. Time after time, I have shown myself to be mentally weak. I realize that I compare myself to others and it gets me in a bad place mentally. So when I read your article, I find it weird that you've found your strength through the Lord. My parents tell me something similar. I know for a fact the Lord hates me for my sexuality and the 'family' members of my congregation feels the same way. I need help searching for a plausible answer for my struggles because I don't know what to do.
Thank you for your time.
God really does love you and He does NOT hate you. In Romans 5:8 it says, "But God demonstrates His own love for us in this: While we were still sinners, Christ died for us." No one is good or perfect, we all have our own struggles. Even the heroes in the Bible, who are loved by God, were not perfect - Peter denied Jesus and David committed adultery and murder - just to name a few. But we are all loved and forgiven because Christ died for us. I don't know what kind of church you have attended, but maybe look for one that teaches the Bible really thoroughly. And please chat with a HopeCoach - https://www.thehopeline.com/gethelp It is totally free and confidential. We can answer your questions and help you sort through your feelings. I know that you are loved by God and we care about you, too!
i hope someone reads all of this because i find it so hard to open up and talk about myself.
im only 13 years old but every day i feel empty.
i used to be an a-grade student and everyone looked up to me, my teachers liked me, i worked hard in class. but now i barely pass any of my tests and my homework is never done. my teachers are concerned and write letters to my parents. ive started cutting class because i just cant deal with all of the homework i havent handed in and tests i havent studied for.
i just cant concentrate on anything. ive started binge eating and dieting and im never satisfied with my appearance. im always sad or upset for no reason and now people dont like me, im even turning my parents against me. i always feel useless and worthless. im not good at anything anymore. and while people around me are succeeding and achieving great things, i am getting worse and worse, and the worse i get the harder it is to get better.
my life was completely fine but i just feel like ive ruined it. i was completely happy until i started feeling this way and ive just made everything hard for myself. i don't really have anything to be upset about but every day i am crying and upset and i find it hard to do simple tasks because i feel so empty and worthless.
i just wish i could start my life again. or do something to drown out how empty i feel. i really want someone i can open up to because no one really knows how i feel inside. all they see is someone angry and upset and they get hurt.
i want someone to understand how i feel.
I am so sad that you are feeling like this. We definitely want to chat with you and help you. Our chat lines are open 24/7 and it is free and confidential. Here is the link to chat with a HopeCoach - https://www.thehopeline.com/gethelp
For me it's not one thing and it has been a constant over my life. I can't remember a time after toddlerhood in which I didn't absolutely hate everything about myself. I've been attempting suicide since I was 6, but as I have no abilities, of course, I can't even do that. There isn't a single good quality to me. I'm worthless, and the thought of even trying to think positvely of myself makes me want to severely self harm. All this therapy, getting better, feeling good about yourself seems like it's so easy for so many people, but if it's that easy for you to come around and love yourself then you never really had a problem in the first place. I hate society, I hate human beings, I hate myself, and I hate the universe. If it weren't for my child I would eat a bullet, and if something happens to take them away from me, that's the very first thing I'm going to do.
This makes me so sad that you have felt this way for such a long time. Someone cared about you to want to have a child with you. And as a dad you are a very important person. Please chat with a HopeCoach about what is going on in your life - We are available online 24/7 and it is free, https://www.thehopeline.com/gethelp