Do You Wonder Why You Hate Yourself Even When Others Like You?
It's so tragic to hear someone say I hate myself. But down deep, many people do. Do you hate yourself? It seems there are so many things in this world that attack our self-esteem and sense of worth. When you hate your life and yourself, it feels like you're in your own personal jail, full of self-loathing, desperately wanting to get out, but not believing they can.
Can You Relate to Caroline?
Others may think you are just crying out for attention. But the feelings are very real. You are miserable because of how you feel about yourself, even if it sounds exaggerated or overly dramatic. I believe you.
Caroline described her self-hatred like this: I hated myself because I thought I wasn't good enough to be in this world. I thought I was ugly, stupid, and weird. I wished I could have been someone else.
So why do people hate themselves?
We took a poll and asked what reasons you might have to hate yourself. The majority of people said it was something about their appearance, followed closely by I didn't feel loved, and then I failed at a relationship. Each of these could be their own articles.
Blame Ourselves When Bad Things Happen
When bad things happen, we often blame ourselves. It's easy to let this blame turn into self-hatred and suck the very life out of us. This can leave us depleted of any kind of self-worth or love. When bad things happen, the worst thing you can do is spiral down into self-pity.
Sometimes self-hate is emotional exhaustion from the blame game. It's important to remember that painful, challenging, and hard times are going to happen. Sometimes you just need to give yourself a break and get some rest. You will look much better to yourself when you get some rest and forgive yourself for any mistakes. Everyone makes mistakes.
Rejection or Abandonment
Everyone will experience rejection of some sort. It's normal. But it's difficult. Not everybody is going to love you or accept you.
But it doesn't mean you're a bad person, and that you should hate yourself because of it.
Tom wrote: I used to live consumed with thoughts about what everybody else was thinking about me. I felt like people were constantly rejecting me. All the worst things came to mind, even though there was no way of actually knowing what people were thinking. I had to quit, or else I'd go crazy.
Sometimes when people experience rejection or abandonment, they turn the responsibility onto themselves, as if they are the ones who caused the pain. Don't let what other people think about you determine what you think of yourself. The freedom you experience when you let go of this burden like Tom did, will give you great joy. He's right, it's not worth going crazy over something you really can't control.
Negative Self-Talk
Thinking poorly about yourself is kind of like self-rejection. You see something about yourself that you think is stupid or ugly and you think criticizing yourself about it will somehow make it go away. It won't. It will actually make it worse. A lot of people feel ugly. Lazy. Inadequate. It's like the whole human race suffers from deep, low self-esteem.
Mona wrote: I hate who I've become. I know there is a hardworking, honest, skinny person inside me somewhere, but most of the time I think about how far to the negative I've come, then get even angrier at myself for not working harder to become the person I know I can be.
The Fight Against Self-Hate
The fight against self-hate is an on-going battle in all of us. Some struggle with it more than others, to the point of depression and suicidal thoughts. But it seems to always be there working in the shadows, waiting to pounce on us, and take us down. One thought that has helped me in this struggle is God's love for me.
I ask myself, "Why should I hate someone God loves so much? Why should I slap Him across the face? He's the one who made me, and He did it for a very special reason." There is no one else in the whole world who is just like you or me. Isn't that incredible? That person, YOU, is worth loving.
So how do you climb out of the dark hole of self-hate? Check out 5 Things to Think or Do When You Hate Yourself.
I literally hate myself, with the passion of a thousand burning suns! I'm just so very, very tired of things not going right for me. And I unfortunately don't have the hope that God loves me. I know some people believe God loves them, and find comfort in that, but I fail to see how he does. In fact, I feel like he's punishing me for being a bad person or something... just leaving me to suffer for the rest of my life.
I have failed at everything in life since graduating college 4 years ago. I am barely scraping by at a slightly over minimum wage job with nowhere near the hours or benefits I need (basically making about as much as I did back in college, so my degree has not had any sort of payoff). Most people tell me I "should have majored in something more lucrative". I'm sorry, but I'm a performing artist, and I'm too stupid at the sciences, meaning I'd be a terrible doctor or engineer, and I can't make sense of a matrix of ones and zeros to code computers. In fact, going to school for those things would have been pointless, because I would have flunked out. Despite that fact, I still kick myself mentally for even having my degree because it feels like a waste of $40,000 in student loans, if I'm only going to be qualified to sing or act (both of which are incredibly difficult industries to find work in, especially in the rural midwest), thereby leaving me to work jobs that high schoolers or trained monkeys could do (and therefore get paid like a high schooler, or a trained monkey). When stuff of mine breaks, and I try to fix it, I fail, and blow more money than I should trying to fix it (these are non-replaceable things that break that can't be replaced with a trip to Walmart and a $5 bill). I live in a town that I hate, and have wanted to leave since graduating college. But, of course in this economy, nobody elsewhere is willing to hire an out of towner. Frankly, I've lost the patience to continuously retool my résumé, and custom tailor cover letters only to be told that they're "going with a different candidate", anyway. My whole life feels like a sham! I just want things to go right. I want a reason not to hate myself anymore. Because right now, I'm living a life that can be summed up by a line from Fantine in the musical adaptation of Victor Hugo's "Les Misérables":
"I had a dream my life would be
So different from this Hell I'm living!
So different now, than what it seems.
Now, life has killed the dream I dream."
I'm so lost, and broken that it's not even funny... I need help.
I grew up in a big family and was very quiet as a child so ended up being emotionally neglected. I also grew up fairly poor and witnessed violence as a child. I'm now mid 20's and I don't know why I can't stop hating myself. I look at what others have - good childhoods where they were supported and shown love, nice clothes, a family who actually talk to one another, wealth, beauty, and then I look at myself. I don't understand how this is fair, it's leading me to question the justice of God but I know I love God. I dont know what to do. I just want to stop hating myself, it's so tiring.
Our guest blogger, Lama Leah, wrote an inspiring post about her own struggles and becoming an overcomer - https://www.thehopeline.com/life-is-worth-fighting-for
You are worth fighting for and becoming something more than the sum of your past. I imagine you are compassionate towards others because of your own experiences of hurt. You have a lot to offer and that is true beauty.
I love God and I love Jesus but I often feel myself hating everything about me. Everyone thinks I can't have any problems because I'm a 'happy' person and I help out with lots of things and I always smile but under that sort of facade I feel useless and a waste of space, I know i was made by God for a purpose and I believe it but I'm finding everything very difficult and I'm always feeling sad or lonely.
i feel as if i am always being left behind. i am never anyone's first choice, and i never will be. i feel like i am dead weight and a nuisance to my mother, and my brothers and sister. my dad passed away a few years ago, and i should probably mention that i had brain surgery a month ago, and people don't understand that i am still recovering. but i want okay before the surgery. i fell back into a swell of self hate that i had about 3 years ago. i've also lost over 80 lbs since then, but i'm still a little chubby. i honestly don't know what to do, what to think, or what to say when people ask, what's wrong?? why are you acting all weird??
I hate myself. Mostly because I've never had real freinds. People say I'm ugly, stupid,weak,retarted,and I'm espaically ugly. And I try to believe that I am not any of those things. But sometimes I just fall apart. And then I have no one to talk to about it. And I try to pray that someone out there gets me. But no luck. Then, everyone doesn't talk to me or they ignore me. I just try to pray that God will have my back and give me the confidence to step back up again if someone or something knocks me down.
You sound brave in the midst of your sadness. We are here for you. Chatting with a HopeCoach can help - https://www.thehopeline.com/gethelp Chat is open 24/7 and it is free. Also, we have a prayer site where real people will pray for you https://www.theprayerzone.com/
I do not know you but anyone who says those things that put you down obviously have their own problems. Always try to stay positive and meet new people any way you can and surround yourself with positive people whom love you just the way you are. I know how you are feeling and I actually feel empty inside myself, guess I am better at helping others than helping myself and giving people advise that I cannot take myself due to the way I feel and reasons I do not feel like I am worth living. The right people will help you get your confidence. I know things are always easier said than done but one day at a time. Try talking to a professional about your problems and they can actually help you out and get your head in the right place, I should do the same but no funds or a way to get help. I really hope you start to feel better and surround yourself with those who love you for who you are.