Do You Wonder Why You Hate Yourself Even When Others Like You?
It's so tragic to hear someone say I hate myself. But down deep, many people do. Do you hate yourself? It seems there are so many things in this world that attack our self-esteem and sense of worth. When you hate your life and yourself, it feels like you're in your own personal jail, full of self-loathing, desperately wanting to get out, but not believing they can.
Can You Relate to Caroline?
Others may think you are just crying out for attention. But the feelings are very real. You are miserable because of how you feel about yourself, even if it sounds exaggerated or overly dramatic. I believe you.
Caroline described her self-hatred like this: I hated myself because I thought I wasn't good enough to be in this world. I thought I was ugly, stupid, and weird. I wished I could have been someone else.
So why do people hate themselves?
We took a poll and asked what reasons you might have to hate yourself. The majority of people said it was something about their appearance, followed closely by I didn't feel loved, and then I failed at a relationship. Each of these could be their own articles.
Blame Ourselves When Bad Things Happen
When bad things happen, we often blame ourselves. It's easy to let this blame turn into self-hatred and suck the very life out of us. This can leave us depleted of any kind of self-worth or love. When bad things happen, the worst thing you can do is spiral down into self-pity.
Sometimes self-hate is emotional exhaustion from the blame game. It's important to remember that painful, challenging, and hard times are going to happen. Sometimes you just need to give yourself a break and get some rest. You will look much better to yourself when you get some rest and forgive yourself for any mistakes. Everyone makes mistakes.
Rejection or Abandonment
Everyone will experience rejection of some sort. It's normal. But it's difficult. Not everybody is going to love you or accept you.
But it doesn't mean you're a bad person, and that you should hate yourself because of it.
Tom wrote: I used to live consumed with thoughts about what everybody else was thinking about me. I felt like people were constantly rejecting me. All the worst things came to mind, even though there was no way of actually knowing what people were thinking. I had to quit, or else I'd go crazy.
Sometimes when people experience rejection or abandonment, they turn the responsibility onto themselves, as if they are the ones who caused the pain. Don't let what other people think about you determine what you think of yourself. The freedom you experience when you let go of this burden like Tom did, will give you great joy. He's right, it's not worth going crazy over something you really can't control.
Negative Self-Talk
Thinking poorly about yourself is kind of like self-rejection. You see something about yourself that you think is stupid or ugly and you think criticizing yourself about it will somehow make it go away. It won't. It will actually make it worse. A lot of people feel ugly. Lazy. Inadequate. It's like the whole human race suffers from deep, low self-esteem.
Mona wrote: I hate who I've become. I know there is a hardworking, honest, skinny person inside me somewhere, but most of the time I think about how far to the negative I've come, then get even angrier at myself for not working harder to become the person I know I can be.
The Fight Against Self-Hate
The fight against self-hate is an on-going battle in all of us. Some struggle with it more than others, to the point of depression and suicidal thoughts. But it seems to always be there working in the shadows, waiting to pounce on us, and take us down. One thought that has helped me in this struggle is God's love for me.
I ask myself, "Why should I hate someone God loves so much? Why should I slap Him across the face? He's the one who made me, and He did it for a very special reason." There is no one else in the whole world who is just like you or me. Isn't that incredible? That person, YOU, is worth loving.
So how do you climb out of the dark hole of self-hate? Check out 5 Things to Think or Do When You Hate Yourself.
Im fifteen now and it seems like I am growing up to fast I now have high school to worry about I have guilt that I am disappointing my family I feel like no matter how hard I try I will never be successful in life I failed most of my classes last year and i only passed math now I have to pass in high school otherwise i will not move on
I'm in an unhealthy relationship but I don't feel like I'll ever be loved by anyone else. I know this is untrue but I can't believe that. I don't deserve to be happy I deserve to settle.
Hi my Name is Musawer Amin and i am originally from Afghanistan but a year ago we moved to Germany because of personal problems. When I started school here it was ok for a while but latter I felt like a freak I didn't have friends because I couldn't speak German but latter when I could I fayd people who spoke with me but they always ignored me and made me feel like a loser and made fun of me. I see so beautiful girls in our school but I can't speak to them because they ignore me and laugh at me because of my weight and that's not all I was a really good student in my land but now I am the stupidest in the class sometimes I don't understand so simple thing that the whole class laugh at me and it feels really bad. I see my classmates so happy and I feel so jealous that why can't I be so happy like them. Everyday I believe tomorrow will be better but it only gets worse and worse. Sometimes I want to die please someone help me please.
Musawer, Suicidal thoughts can be very difficult to cope with especially if you feel you have no one to turn to for help. Please, know that we are here to help and would love to speak with you. Chat with us anytime at: http://www.TheHopeLine.com/gethelp.
I'm a 40 year old, male virgin. And I've also had Body Dysmorphic Disorder and chronic depression since I was 14. Or 26 damn years, to be exact.
I can't stand the way I look, or to have people looking at me.
Which means that I was unable to finish school and I've never had a job
for more than a week because I was too self-conscious to focus on the work.
In fact, I haven't had a job for the last 16 years. And now I'm on disability
and slowly rotting away, one day at a time.
I can't have friends or relationships. I never go anywhere or do anything.
I have no dreams or goals or ambitions.
I'm a zombie. My existence is entirely pointless. And it's too late to try to
change anything now because my "best" years are behind me, and all
I have to look forward to is growing even older, uglier and more bitter.
The only reason why I don't kill myself is because I like music and to read books.
But as for my own role in the world? I have nothing to contribute, and the
world would be a better place if I didn't exist. Truly.
You do have something to offer this world, it doesn't matter your age, gender, ethnicity, or anything like that. It's not what you do (or what skills or knowledge you have) it's who you are that makes you worth something. We are here for you, so please chat with us at: http://www.TheHopeLine.com/gethelp. We would love the chance to encourage and help you.
I thought you might have something insightful to say, maybe something I hadn't thought of that could help. But instead you copped out and took the problem to God. Look, Dawson, I have a Bible if I want to consult it. I'm looking for real world answers to help myself overcome the overwhelming self-hate I feel nearly every day, especially at night. Something based on research, something empirical. Using religion to relieve any old problem is slimy, insulting, and infuriating. I hope the people answering phones at your crisis line are more helpful.
I get your frustration but my faith is in God and that comes out in everything I believe and write. The HopeCoaches who chat on TheHopeLine are different than me and may each respond a little differently but they all have faith in Jesus Christ as well.