I have written many blogs on the subject of cutting. We've discussed what it is, why people do it, the consequences, and some possible solutions to the problem. But, today, I want to talk specifically to the friends of cutters.
Help, my friend is cutting.
This can be a hard subject to talk about and it can be a very sensitive subject to the cutter, so it is important to keep the following things in mind when trying to help.
Someone recently wrote to me and asked: My friend is cutting. How can I get it into my best friend's head that cutting is not good at all?
She's right cutting is not good at all, and I appreciate her desire to help her friend. However, there isn't a simple answer to this question. We can't just throw out facts and figures and think a cutter is going to be instantly convinced to stop. As I wrote about in Why People Cut, cutters are usually covering up a deeper emotional pain.
Therefore, when talking to a friend about cutting here are some very important things to remember.
- Do NOT come across as judgmental. You may not be aware of the personal struggle they are facing which has led to self-harm.
- REALLY listen and seek to understand. Often someone who cuts feels like no one understands them. Do NOT be one more person that says why would you do this to yourself? It doesn't make any sense. Rather, ask some probing questions with a genuine desire to understand. Such as: Why do you think you cut yourself? Do you cut to cover up other pain? How do you feel after you cut? How do you feel the next day? Help them to tell their story...if they're ready. You don't need to have all the answers. Just listen!
- Encourage your friend that you BELIEVE in them. Tell them you know they will have the strength to stop when they decide to and that you will support them however you can. Offer to be their accountability partner, if they want. You can be the person they call to distract themselves from cutting when the temptation arises.
- Refer them to other resources on the subject of self-harm and read more about it yourself. We have created a link with many helpful resources available all in one convenient place. You could simply text or email your friend this link and say..."When you are ready..." or share it through social media. You never know when sharing information could impact a life. TheHopeLine Resource Page
- Most importantly PRAY for them. God is bigger than cutting!! He can help them overcome the addiction. Pray that God gives them the strength and desire they need to stop cutting and find HOPE.
If you want to know more about breaking free from self-harm. Read this blog that our friend, Amanda Turner, wrote about her personal story.
Thanks for caring. You CAN make a difference in someone's life.
My friend has cuts all over his arms, he has very bad depression and the only reason he's cutting himself is because he wants me to like him otherwise he wont stop cutting himself but i want him to see that there are people who love him but he won't listen im very scared i dont want to lose him but he wont stop cutting until i say i love him please help
Monse,
Thank you for reaching out about your friend. We have a partner that may help him self-harm.
• You can text them at at 1-803-570-2061 (Alternative No. 914-393-1904) Texting is available Sunday, Tuesday, Thursday 8:30 – 10:30 EST.
• Their website is http://www.doorofhope4teens.org.
• You can email them to doorofhope4teens@gmail.com (answered in 24/48 hrs)
If you ever feel like your friend is suicidal please call:
• The National Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 1.800.273.8255
• Or Chat with them at https://suicidepreventionlifeline.org/chat/
• Or Crisis Text Line 27/7 by texting “Start” to 741-741
• Here is a list of additional suicide prevention resources https://www.thehopeline.com/suicide-prevention-resources.
Take a chance and reach out to Door of Hope for help. You will be glad you did. They have helped many teens and young adults we have sent them overcome self-harm.
Hai, my name is kae. I have a boyfriend. He cuts himself alot, many times a day. He has depression and P.T.S.D. he goes to therapy and takes medication, but it seems like its not working. He's had a pretty bad passed and i dont know what to do. I try to help him by supporting him and listening to his problems. Ive tried to get him to see a different therapist i hope maybe someone else could help him. It hurts my heart to see him this way. He's been like this ever since i met him, but i was hoping that i could help him through. I love him so much and i would do anything for him but i just cant figure out what to do. I need help.
Kae, We have a partner that will help your boyfriend with self-harm at http://www.doorofhope4teens.org. You could even contact them too for help on what to do. Check out their website or email them at doorofhope4teens@gmail.com (answered in 24/48 hrs) You can also text them at 1-803-570-2061 (Alternative No. 914-393-1904) Texting is available Sunday, Tuesday, Thursday 8:30 – 10:30 EST
My friend cuts herself, and I tried talking to her, she had drawn a picture on her hand (I already knew she cut but it was still a shock) when i pulled up her sleeve to look at the drawing i saw cuts all over her hand near her thumb. I cried that night, because it really hurts me that she hurts herself. So when I saw that i said "Why do you hurt yourself," and she said "that's not an answer I want to give," so I said "Just know that I think you're amazing and that I love you,"(we were dating at the time) and i really do, we aren't dating anymore, but we are still close friends. So I want to talk to her, I know she doesn't do it for attention, but she seems to joke about it a lot to hide the pain. And I want to help her but I can't really explain the way that it is. I'm almost scared to bring it up again, because it was really awkward when I asked her, and she clearly doesn't want to talk to me about her. But she doesn't understand how much she means to me and how much I love her and care about her (as a friend)
Today I just found out that my best friend for 5 years running has depression, and that her dad makes her want to cut herself. She smiles when I bring it up and it is really frustrating because this is a serious subject. I found out through a note that I was not supposed to even see, and she told our other friend not me even though they only met last year. I am worried and she won't talk to me,I feel like a terrible friend for not realizing anything was wrong. Honestly I never saw this coming and I feel bad for not knowing.
Anyone got advice?
I just found out my best friend cut herself...and last night I almost did and almost did again today. She said she wouldn't do it again and she said instead she will use markers as an alternative.....but I'm still scared and shocked. If I told my parents they would yell at me and so would hers.