I have written many blogs on the subject of cutting. We've discussed what it is, why people do it, the consequences, and some possible solutions to the problem. But, today, I want to talk specifically to the friends of cutters.
Help, my friend is cutting.
This can be a hard subject to talk about and it can be a very sensitive subject to the cutter, so it is important to keep the following things in mind when trying to help.
Someone recently wrote to me and asked: My friend is cutting. How can I get it into my best friend's head that cutting is not good at all?
She's right cutting is not good at all, and I appreciate her desire to help her friend. However, there isn't a simple answer to this question. We can't just throw out facts and figures and think a cutter is going to be instantly convinced to stop. As I wrote about in Why People Cut, cutters are usually covering up a deeper emotional pain.
Therefore, when talking to a friend about cutting here are some very important things to remember.
- Do NOT come across as judgmental. You may not be aware of the personal struggle they are facing which has led to self-harm.
- REALLY listen and seek to understand. Often someone who cuts feels like no one understands them. Do NOT be one more person that says why would you do this to yourself? It doesn't make any sense. Rather, ask some probing questions with a genuine desire to understand. Such as: Why do you think you cut yourself? Do you cut to cover up other pain? How do you feel after you cut? How do you feel the next day? Help them to tell their story...if they're ready. You don't need to have all the answers. Just listen!
- Encourage your friend that you BELIEVE in them. Tell them you know they will have the strength to stop when they decide to and that you will support them however you can. Offer to be their accountability partner, if they want. You can be the person they call to distract themselves from cutting when the temptation arises.
- Refer them to other resources on the subject of self-harm and read more about it yourself. We have created a link with many helpful resources available all in one convenient place. You could simply text or email your friend this link and say..."When you are ready..." or share it through social media. You never know when sharing information could impact a life. TheHopeLine Resource Page
- Most importantly PRAY for them. God is bigger than cutting!! He can help them overcome the addiction. Pray that God gives them the strength and desire they need to stop cutting and find HOPE.
If you want to know more about breaking free from self-harm. Read this blog that our friend, Amanda Turner, wrote about her personal story.
Thanks for caring. You CAN make a difference in someone's life.
I have a friend that cuts and I was wondering if you think it would be okay to encourage her to stop cutting by rewarding her with candy or something everyday that she is clean of cutting.
Mia, Your friend is lucky to have you. That is a really good idea. How about contacting our partner that specializes in cutting and self-harm to get their suggestions on how to help your friend stop cutting. You can text them at 1-803-570-2061 (Alternative No. 914-393-1904) Texting is available Sunday, Tuesday, Thursday 8:30 – 10:30 EST. Their website is http://www.doorofhope4teens.org. You can email them to doorofhope4teens@gmail.com (answered in 24/48 hrs) We are here if you need to talk too!
Thank you so much I appreciate you guys taking the time to read this and actually replying back.
You're welcome, Mia!
My friend is cutting in class. She was using a box cutter to make cuts on her arms. She cried the whole lesson. I told my friends about it and they told me that she does it all the time. I’m worried about my friend.
I have this friend and she recently told me she has started cutting herself to relieve stress. She comes from a family with a bad father and a kind of abusive mother her step dad and get mom are always accusing her of things but sometimes they have the right to. She has done things that lead people to wonder what else does she do. She doesn't want to talk to her parents because they will make her feel bad about what she is feeling. She told me to not tell anyone but I am worried. She says she isn't doing it to die only to relieve stress. She told me that she feels like the world is crashing down and she is the only one who can save it. I don't know what to do!!
Alana, Thank you for reaching out for help for your friend. We are here to listen and help. We have a partner that will help her with the need to self-harm. You can contact them as well to ask how to help her too.
You can text them at at 1-803-570-2061 (Alternative No. 914-393-1904) Texting is available Sunday, Tuesday, Thursday 8:30 – 10:30 EST.
Their website is http://www.doorofhope4teens.org.
You can email them to doorofhope4teens@gmail.com (answered in 24/48 hrs)
I need help. Two of my friends and I were supposed to be doing a project. One of them wasn’t helping and I got upset. I apologized and we cleared things up. Then we all went to our next class and her other friend told me that she saw cuts on her arm as well as her digging her nails into her arm. Now I’m really scared because she threatened to cut herself more with a knife or scissors or anything and I don’t wanna lose her! Please help...
Lily, WE are sorry your friend is cutting. Thank you for caring enough about her to reach out for help. We have a partner that can help you help your friend that is self-harming or if your friend is open to it, give her this information for help.
You can text them at at 1-803-570-2061 (Alternative No. 914-393-1904) Texting is available Sunday, Tuesday, Thursday 8:30 – 10:30 EST.
Their website is http://www.doorofhope4teens.org.
You can email them to doorofhope4teens@gmail.com (answered in 24/48 hrs)
They have helped many we have sent them overcome self harm.
i have just figured out that three possibly for of my friend are cutting. they have told me not to tell anyone but i am very worried about their health and wellbeing. these friends don't know our school family social worker and are not close to any teachers or coaches. i don't feel comfortable tell my parents, and i don't feel it is my place to talk to their parents. I feel that going to our family resource worker would be the best way to go. what do you think???
Natalie, Thank you for your comment and your heart to help your friends. They are fortunate to have you as a friend who sincerely cares about them. We think gong to your family resource worker is a good place to start. If you want to talk to someone first about this, we suggest you reach out and talk to our partner that helps with cutting too. They will be able to guide you through the best way to get your friend's help. You could even give your friends this resource too. You can email, phone or text with them for help. Here is a link to our partner page with "Door of Hope" for info:https://www.thehopeline.com/partners/door-of-hope-4-teens/ Y