A HopeCoach At 3:45am
I don't know that I ever caught their name on the live chat, but it was 3:45 in the morning and my husband had told me that he was leaving. I felt awful, at my very end. None of my friends were awake. But I found this online and my HopeCoach was very helpful. I needed someone to listen, and they were there. They also provided me with a few resources I intend to follow up on in the morning. I'm grateful for their help.
Thank you, HopeCoach, for being there for me!
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So I am really having hard time with this. My boybestfriend has a gf before we met. We became real close and one time, he opened up to me that he sometimes don't feel like he still has a gf. He always opens up to me. And he is very clingy. Before, he was never gentleman to me when we were not yet that close. And then we became really close to each other. I'm mostly at his place because of project, (we're mostly group mates), and sometimes, just hang out there, like his birthday. At his birthday, he invited me to come, but his gf was also there so I was hesitating if I'll go but he convinced my mom to let me go. I went there and I said hi to his gf. (He opened up to me that his gf was jealous of me because we always talk, we're always together, etc. But he also told me that his gf is mostly with his guy friend in his previous school, eating lunch together, and even walking her home.) I asked him if he still love her, he said yes but idk, his tone was different from I was expecting.
One time, we were going to his place to do our project. Me and our other group mates were in his car and he's driving us to his place. He asked me to sit infront, beside him. And our other mate asked if there's something going on between the two of us. Like we look good together. And we both denied it. Saying, we're just friends and we just have same experiences and we understand each other (in an awkward tone, like the tone of "i don't know what to say.. what question is that?")
When we reached his place, there we acted like we used to live together. And while I was sitting on his couch, he also sat on the top of the arm rest of the couch (where you place your arm), and asked me wht food I want him to get me. (asking me while touching my chins lightly, not in a sexual way). And I told him what I want, and he said "I knew it!" and he even made me responsible of his house while he was away with my mates, buying food. They got back home and he also got me my fav drink and he didn't know it was my fav. He keeps leaning close to me, like real close. And while we were resting in his room, while my other mate were playing his ps4 there, I just rested myself on his bed because I was really tired that time. He also went there and rested his head on top of my stomach and just touching my palm (not in a sexual way). I don't know, there were butterflies inside me. And his mom video called us, and I also talked to her. She didn't even know he has a gf, and she hasn't met his gf either.
He opens up his secrets and problems to me. And him and my mom are also getting along together. They really are becoming so close to each other, that my mom put her trust in him already.
We mostly study in library together, and he really is doing me a lot of favor. Now, we became together very much often. I don't know but he keeps on coming close to me. He keeps talking to me. (I don't want to assume okay? I've been inlove with him for a long time already, but I'm just hiding these feelings to keep our friendship and not ruin his relationship with his gf. I respect that.) He keeps telling me what are on his mind. He keeps sitting close to me, and ever since, he always makes funny jokes with me and tease me, tickle me and do friendly fight with me, which make people think of it as sweet. They always think there's something going on between us but I really think there isn't.
He is always concerned about me, about my family, about my sisters, about my nephew, about my life. And he always give me his warmest sympathy. Sometimes, I try pushing him away so that maybe I could take away these feelings in me. When we talk, he always look at me in the eyes. Then he mostly offer a hand of help to carry my bag, saying it looks heavy on me. (everytime). And he asks me to eat something. And now, just me and him, he invited me to have something at the mall. There he treated me his favorite international icecream, and I never told him to drive me home, but yeah he did. I told him to just drop me off to the store because I still have something to buy. he keep on insisting to drive me home because it looks dangerous since it's already 7pm. I still rejected his offer many times. and when we were almost there, i told him to leave immediately and don't wait for me. He still asked me thrice but I still said no. So there he left.
We have so many things in common. And we even had a convo one time, about having relationship. He told me it's not yet good for me to be in a relationship, and a bad guy would fit me because he said, only a good girl can tame a bad guy. Etc. etc. He keeps on bringing me to places, and even told his mom things about me. He even brought me something from Japan when he went there for vacation. He would hold an umbrella over me, and people would tease us again.. He mostly fix my hair, and even put my hair behind my ears which makes me flatter and shiver, and prolly sure my cheeks would feel hot everytime.
One time, he got drunk and he keeps drunk texting me, telling me he can't go home because he's drunk and telling me weird stuffs and his selfies while drunk. . then suddenly he told me, "Hey... Always take care okay? You deserve a guy who is worth it, I promise." and I said of course, I will. and he said he's sorry, he's just drunk but he even responded me "very good" as well. idk, but why would he drunk text me instead of his gf? He even gave me a pet name.
And just a few days ago, while we we're having our video shooting for our project, we suddenly went into a conversation about make ups. He said, "you don't need make up.. You already look good naturally..." and I just ignored it and said, i really just dont like make up. and he told me, "Promise, trust me..." and I just smiled at him but the truth is, that really flattered me.
I don't know. What do you guys think about him? :/ I actually really don't want to mind this and just ignore the feelings, but every time passes by, it just grows and his actions changes.
he keeps teasing me and playing with my feelings. he treats me differently from all the other girls tho. Is that just because I'm his bff? But we just became bffs for like a year or two. And in the beginning, he wasn't acting all that weird and doesn't even care that much to me. He always ask me now what I want, and every favor I ask him, he does them.
Casey you are not worthless, you are loved by God!!
I am cutting right now and I need help to stop please and people think that I am worthless and I don't know what to do anymore. do I belong on this planet?
hate my life
Thank you. So glad you reached out for help instead of drowning in despair!