Do you have a feeling your boyfriend or girlfriend is cheating on you? If so, you should be aware of some telltale warning signs. Below, I give you 15 signs to test your relationship to determine if your boyfriend or girlfriend is cheating on you.
Do You Have a Feeling Your Boyfriend or Girlfriend Is Cheating On You?
But first...
How to Handle Cheating
Can You Tell If Someone Is Cheating?
Without asking whether your spouse or partner is seeing someone else, you may not know for certain if they are being unfaithful. Yes, there are common signs of cheating. People who cheat often seem defensive, or like they are hiding what they've been up to. They might spend more time away from you than usual. Or they might not be as affectionate with you as they once were. But all these circumstances could also point to different problems they're having that have nothing to do with infidelity. Claiming someone is cheating is a serious accusation without complete confirmation. If you are concerned about your partner's behavior, ask them about it directly before making assumptions that they are being unfaithful. For example, "It seems like you've been spending a lot of time away from home and I haven't been able to reach you when you're gone. What's going on? Is everything okay?" This may result in you learning the root of the problem, so you can talk through it. If your partner becomes defensive or lashes out, don't resume the conversation until you've gotten support for having these challenging conversations. Reaching out to a mentor or counselor is a safe way to talk through what you've observed and how your partner responds.
Can you relate to Angela's fear?
Angela's fear of her boyfriend cheating on her led her in all the wrong directions. "I always think in my head that he's cheating, so I want to cheat. Or if he's ignoring me, I don't know what else to do. Every time we fight and he doesn't show me love, I find it somewhere else. If he ever left me, my whole life would fall apart. But I never think about these consequences when I'm doing what I do. It's like drinking and driving; people know the consequences of drinking and driving but yet do it anyway because it seems okay or it's tempting."
Have you been hurt like Katrina?
Katrina had her trust shattered when she was engaged. "I caught my fiancé cheating on me. We had been together for 5 years and all he would tell me was that he wasn't happy. I think when he found that other woman, he uncovered feelings that he didn't feel with me. The worst part is that it went on for a month. He always would tell me he would never do something like this to me."
Now the test...
Test Your Relationship Against These 15 Signs Your Bf/Gf May Be Cheating On You
1. You begin to notice an emotional distance between the two of you. Things just aren't the way they used to be.
2. Your instinct tells you he or she is being unfaithful. Deep in your heart, you sense something has gone wrong with your relationship.
3. You begin spending less time together. Your bf/gf tells you he/she doesn't have the time for you like they used to.
4. The one you love so much stops asking you to go out and do special things together. Your boyfriend/girlfriend just doesn't have the time for you like before.
5. They suddenly start encouraging you to spend time with other people. Their rationalization is that if you spend time with other people, then I can too.
6. There's a distinct change in his or her schedule. They often make excuses for the extended time of running errands.
7. There are huge blocks of time your bf/gf is secretive about. They won't tell you where they have been.
8. You notice suspicious cell phone activity like secret texts, emails, or strange websites. Many people are caught cheating because of what is on their computers or cell phones.
9. He or she doesn't answer certain phone calls when you're around. They look especially panicked when the phone rings.
10. He or she doesn't talk to you about all their deepest feelings anymore.
11. They appear anxious when you're together and want to leave; maybe they say they're just tired. Cheating drains their emotional and physical energy because of fear they're going to get caught or from spending a lot of their time trying to cover their tracks.
12. You notice a sudden change in their appearance, or they have an increased concern about how they look. Your boyfriend or girlfriend probably has a new reason to look great, and that person is most likely the one they're cheating with.
13. He or she hangs around with a new best friend of the opposite sex a lot, even more than they spend time with you.
14. Your bf/gf spends time with his/her ex but claims nothing is happening.
15. He or she begins to be increasingly critical of you or blames you for cheating, even when you haven't. This is a way of putting you on the defensive and making them feel better about what they are doing.
Do you already know they're cheating? Read this...
Be aware. Don't Ignore The Warning Signs
The above indicators are all warning signs. If you notice multiple changes in behavior, routine or personality, and not just isolated incidences, you should confront them about these signs. You should always trust first, but don't ignore red flags.
It's also important to be aware that you can't always trust your "gut feeling." Sometimes it's just jealousy and insecurity creeping in.
Lexie has some closing words of advice for us: "I think what makes a good relationship is honesty. You cannot lie to the other person or cheat! That will seriously ruin everything in the relationship, and you might not be able to fix it after it's happened. If anything's wrong, tell each other and try to work it out."
How do I stop overthinking about cheating?
Overthinking about anything can be exhausting. Overthinking about cheating can be emotionally distressing and put a strain on your relationship. If you’re struggling to put the “what if” thoughts out of your mind, it’s important to address these concerns in a healthy way and find ways to ease your anxieties. Here are some steps you can try:
Open and Honest Communication
- The first step is to communicate with your partner. Express your concerns and feelings openly and honestly. Share your fears and worries about the relationship. Maintaining a healthy, open dialogue with them can provide you with reassurance and ease any unfounded doubts.
Trust Your Partner
- Trust is the cornerstone of any healthy relationship. Remind yourself that trust is vital, and your partner deserves to be trusted unless there's concrete evidence suggesting otherwise. Give them the benefit of the doubt, and treat them as trustworthy until you have a real reason to distrust them. Ask your partner to do some trust-building activities with you, if you’d like!
Self-Reflection
- Take time to reflect on the reasons behind your overthinking. Are there past experiences or insecurities contributing to your fears about cheating? Overthinking can be a trauma response. It can also be a symptom of a number of mental health conditions. Understanding the root cause of your overthinking can help you address the issue more effectively.
Set Boundaries
- Establish clear boundaries in your relationship. Discuss what is acceptable and what is not in terms of behavior, communication, and personal space. If you can be sure that your partner is on the same page as you are about what constitutes cheating, that may help provide you with a sense of security.
Build Self-Esteem
- Boost your self-esteem and self-confidence. Self-doubt and overthinking often stem from low self-esteem. Engage in activities that make you feel good about yourself and work on personal growth. Check out our ideas for boosting self-esteem!
Seek Professional Help
- If your overthinking is causing significant distress and impacting your quality of life, consider seeking help from a licensed therapist. They can help you explore your fears and anxieties, and provide strategies for managing them. They can also help you determine if your constant suspicions are founded in truth, or if they stem from another problem.
Limit Exposure to Triggers
- If certain situations or triggers intensify your overthinking, try to limit your exposure to them. For example, if certain social media interactions lead to jealousy or overthinking, consider taking a break from those platforms. It’s important to note, though, that you can only reduce your exposure to certain triggers—you can’t force your partner to get off social media or forbid them from going to certain places. All you can do is communicate to them about the impact some triggers have on your overthinking, and make it clear that you’ll be avoiding those.
Practice Patience
- Overcoming overthinking can take time. Be patient with yourself and the process. Ask your partner, friends, and trusted family for help when you’re struggling. We all have days when we feel anxious, and we all get frustrated with our brains sometimes. By taking these steps and seeking support when you need it, you can work toward a healthier, more secure relationship and reduce unnecessary anxieties about cheating.
Know your worth.
Whatever the outcome, You are Worthy of Love
If you find out your partner is cheating on you, do not let yourself think for a moment that you are not worthy of love. God created you to be just who you are, and He loves you as His precious child. In this messy, sinful world we live in, people will hurt each other. It doesn't mean you ever deserve to be hurt. In fact, God desires that we love each other selflessly, the way He loves us. This is how God describes love in the Bible.
Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. Love never fails. (1 Corinthians 13:4–8)
For more verses of hope about God's plan for relationships, love, and sex, read these Verses of Hope for Cheating in Relationships.
A man should never change how he is or how he acts towards a woman he claims to love because if you truly love someone you get over the fact that something went down i know that if my wife ever cheated on me i would be angry and upset that it happened but nothing would stop me from trying to fix what ever it was that made it happen. see the easy thing about it is that when you find out someone has cheated on you and you get upset then calm down and let them know you still care and are willing to let it all go they will tell you whats wrong or what caused them to cheat and they will realize that you really do care and they will realize how truly lucky they are to have you and chances are they will never cheat on you again. but if they do cheat on you again you gotta let it go no matter how mad you are because if you truly love that person nothing and i literaly mean nothing will get hard enough to work out.. a good mother never banishes her child from outta her home when they have done wrong no matter how bad she thinks it is and its not a fact of oah she birthed that one tho because that doesnt matter its love even when you dont recieve it back thats true love. i think you should talk to him about it and confront it put it all out in the open and hear what he has to say if you truly care for him and he is cheating on you tell him how much you love him even if you dont get the love back it will show him in time how much you really do care about him and he will eventually follow your moves and do it to. and never take the thought out of your mind that he may think your cheating on him because he could think it out wrong and do something stupid because he thinks you just dont care or that your just cheating on him anyways so whay should he care. dont leave him talk to him and live your lives telling eachother everyday how much you care with your words and your actions and never stop.
If he cheats on you twice it seems wrong if you stay. Why should you? Why can't you cheat on him like he cheated in you? What is the point if you cannot trust him?
That has to be the worst advise I've ever heard in my whole 47 years... bt , what can you expect from a male who must have no self worth ...they Dnt thnk like us females...However, I've had great advise from my male friends in the past . bt, it was because they actually cared about my well being... and , the best advise ever I've been given was from my male cousin...Love does not = Pain... And if ,you are feeling hurt in a relationship your significant other should be worried that you are not hurting in the relationship with them. AND,from personal experience. .. If you've confirmed a cheater in your past , & if you look deeper in the new persons actions you will know the differences...some times they are Suttle. .. Stop listening to what they are saying and listen to what they are not saying...Its all in their actions,truth....a good relationship continues to grow & not stall out if it is the right connection...learning to except it either way is the hard part.dnt wait 22 yrs for the sake of any child or any excuse you give yourself for staying.put yourself in a bttr position if your are not in a good one to make a decision on how your feeling in your relationship. .. bt, can say this to any female out there who's dating or married or engaged to be married to a man. ..Ppl make all kinds of commitments every day whether they are honored is a whole other story... Look at the divorce or break up rate since the beginning of time.. But , looking into a person's character will tell you whether they are an honorable type personality. .. if this person shows its important to honor even the simplest of things in general , you have found someone who will be honest with you .whether it's what you want to hear or not...if you look at the way they function with family or friends & everyday ppl they come in contact with,will speak miles of how they deal with ppl in general. . . Dont, ever try to out cheat a cheater . because it never reaches or exceeds them .because they are already past the point of being reached the first time they decide to put themselves between some one else's legs.i find it hard to believe ,you are who they were thnkn about while they were having their fun... So, don't thnk by you forgiving them , it will make them be true to you...for what ever reason ppl wanna give, I've heard many men say, they jst get board with the same thng& want something different .bt, dnt want to lose the relationship they've built & families involved so see... there's never a happy satisfy for this type of individual. You could be giving lots of bedroom time & it wouldn't change that they would want a lil something different. ..and want to keep their steady relationship as well...and if you thnk by asking a cheater if they are cheating,that they will willingly admit it to you .then you are mistaken yourself even further than listening to the wolf /grandmother who ate little red riding hood. .. so, I say to any woman out there who's thnking their mate is cheating ,all gloves are off to make it your business to know for sure. And , if your having these insecurities in this relationship , you should not be in that peticular relationship. .whether they are cheating or not...
I'm convinced that my fiancé is cheating on me with my best friend the reason I believe this is because my best friend claims that she has been sending him messages but he won't forward them to me she told him I was going be at home with my parents for the break and now i!m stand offish about this whole thing what do I do?
Bring both of them together and talk about the situation
So my bf and I met at work. But only started talking because our significant others had cheated on us with each other for over a year. And we all four work together. He decided to come to me one night and have a conversation about what we knew and how we were being lied to and cheated on. We started talking that night and realized how much we have in common. We helped each other get over our cheating ex's. Well about two months down the road, while talking all day everyday since the first time we sat down to talk, we actually decided to become an official couple. Five months later we decided to move in together. Everything between us has been great. But about a month after we moved in together he started acting odd. He would sleep close to his phone and found me slightly crowding. I started to ask if things were wrong and was told that things with work etc were stressing him out, and not to take it personally it was nothing against me. But did catch him lying one day as to why it tok him a half hr to respond to a phone call. But a week later he told his friend, which was just the other day, that he's going to marry me. Also our sex life would make most couples envious and hasn't become any less exciting than when we first started our relationship. If anything has gotten better. However, with lingering thoughts I searched his phone. Just two days ago his browser said he was looking at the "casual encounter" adds on Craig's list. Its obvious I've been cheated on before and I know it left me a bit scared. But seriously am I over thinking things, or should I seriously be worried?
Well...I definitely see why you're having lingering thoughts about your relationship. Considering the fact that he is planning on asking you for your hand in marriage, I feel that is why he seems to be acting a little different. I can guarantee you that he's nervous about making such a life altering decision but that tells me he has thoroughly thought this thing through. As odd as it may sound, I can see him searching for the casual encounters as a way of just seeing how solid his decision was...you know, purposely throwing temptation in his face to see if there was even the smallest part of him that would think about straying. To me, he has invested much thought into the idea of making you his wife so it may not be a wise decision to "confront" him about what you found on his phone. It would hurt him and could possibly ruin what you guys have. Just let it play out, give it time, and if he is still acting weird a few months from now then ask him about it. This is only my opinion, but I hate the thoughts of a little insecurity destroying what could be the love of your life. *hugs* Give us an update when it all plays out! 🙂
Should i leave him if he treated his ex girlfriends better than me
From a guy view, the answer is not yes but definetely yes
So you talked to his ex girlfriends and they told you he treated them better? I doubt it it sounds like a game he is playing or the girls are trying to make you jealous.
yes^
Yes leave him and move on with your life
Well any guy is supposed to treat you like a princess. So if he isn't treating you right then I would leave him because you are worth way more than that guy is offering you. There will be a guy out there who 100 percent will try to make all of your dreams come true and will treasure every moment together so don't settle for anything less than what you deserve you are one of a kind don't let anyone make u feel like ur not.
Yeah but you also can’t expect a guy to treat you right when you lie or constantly not supporting him on certain things, your whole comments is straight straight bs you’re pretty much just saying guys and not other women
You're insane. How do you figure girls automatically deserve to be treated like a princess?
My girlfriend goes out for one or two items and doesn't come back for hours at a time what am I supposed to think? If I say anything about taking too long or what took so long she gets mad there are tail tell signs but she and everyone that has known her forever always say that's who she is she can't go to a store without spending at least an hour. But she knows it bothers me and dissent make the slightest attempt to change. What do I do? This is going on 4 years and we have 3 kids together
My advice is: Get to know which type of a person she really is. You can't spend all your energy and happiness trying to act like a detective and mistrusting everything she does. You need to know who you can trust around you, or you might live quite an unhappy life.
I agree
I think u shud do it even double n make sure she notices it bra..thenu will c her cumin bk to u its called taste of own medine.. Cz the ansa u r looking for isn't there...don't stress yourself think for the kids...chao
Classical signs yes go with what your gut says it.never lies coming from a female that has experienced these things getting mad shows she's guilty
That's totally norm woman behavior. Our grocery store is 3 mins up the road and I go for 2 items all the time and take an Hour. Lol. I usually get more items or someone slow in front of me
id find out why he treats her better before u just leave him I my self act different to my ex but its because of my kids an it depends on what or how he is acting toward her
What do u think? U man have a invisible women bbf that you never see they just talk and text while at wor . But never talks to her in front of you??? Help??
No give him a chance
When I first meet my bf.everything was fine until we moved in together .He completely changed on me.he wanted to go visit his 9 yr old boy byhimself.he was still going inside his ex house.i could go he said cause he didn't want her feeling offended.he didn't like me answering any questions.so one day he took off and spent the night at her place.he sweated to me on the bible he didn't cheated on me .He continue living with me by until this day I feel betrayed .I'm not happy I feel he still sees her.please help me.im52 and don't want to marry him if I can't find the truth...
dont marry him you must have honesty an a relationship with his ex where he sleeps over is too much trouble get out from this.
Hunn, my ex did EXACTLY that, and it turned out to be true! I dont want to scare you or hurt you, but I feel he'll hurt you worse. Put your foot down to what bothers you! Any woman can easily get a new man if they tried and eventually find the right one. Dont settle for less than what you deserve, especially if he does thinga that arent right and make you uncomfortable! You have one life to live. Who would you give the honor to be in it? A guy who hurts you whos not worthy of your love? Or a guy that makes you happy and spoils you like a queen? Is this guy the type of guy you want in your life? Is he worthy of it? Do you want to ruin the rest of your life because you are being made unhappy by the husband you said yes to? I really wish you the best of luck. Be strong hearted. Every leap and bound, bruise and heartbreak is a lesson in life and has its reason why we experience it within our lifetime to teach us something. Your love is a gift. Is this man worthy of it? Does he deserve it?
You should tell him how you feel
Girl it isn't worth it I'm the same way I've been with my man an for 3 years an his ex wife/baby mamma is still in the picture I used to know where she lived but now that she moved he won't take me to drop off his kids he doesn't answer the phone when he's around her only texts me an when he does answer he yells at me but he'll answer the phone around me when she calls I'm still with him they take there kids out more then he takes me out I don't know what to do his one sister tells me he's cheating on me an other sister an mom tell me he's not idk but I do know the ex wide has a bf but I don't know what to think of believe I just wanna leave sometimes to go visit my family but I can't cuz I don't trust him
I understand, my husband ex wife knows , I'm live with him she tired so hard to break us up but the true is my man, sticks up for me and doesn't hide anything . He ended up buying his son a cell phone so he doesn't have to call his ex wife's phone anymore , he takes me with him to pick up his son . Never never goes over to her house make his ex wife drop there son off at our house. The thing is his ex cheated on him so he said it hurts and I will never cheat on me. You shouldnt worry about having to be with him 24/7 because your afraid he will cheat , man are so dumb they will tell on themselves just ask the right question !
Honestly honey, the truth doesn't matter. He may or may not be cheating on you, but in top of that he isn't man enough to stick up for you in front of his ex and continues to allow her opinion dictate his actions. He needs to tell her, this is my woman and she is apart of my life, but he cares about her feelings more than yours. Also, he really disrespected you by staying at her place ave he doesn't seem sorry for that either. That being said, it is not crazy to think that a man who values your feelings so little would also cheat.
Than don't do it if he isn't faithful to u what's the point