My Story Battling Anger
I Put My Son at Risk, I Don’t Deserve a Second Chance
We have another great podcast episode for you. Have you ever been so angry, you did something you regretted…immediately? Anger, when not dealt with, can turn to rage. And when you get to the point of rage, it’s like you are a bottle of soda that’s been vigorously shaken…the pressure inside has to release and so the top blows off. When a person goes into rage mode, it usually ends up lashing out at the people around them.
In this episode, we have Tyler, and he admits what happened when his anger turned into rage. And if you stick with us, you’ll hear the awesome peer-to-peer feedback Tyler received. He received encouragement and advice from 7 people who didn’t condemn him but instead loved on him and shared their wisdom. Let’s hear from Tyler.
It Should Have Never Come to This - Tyler
Tyler: I’ve been so ignorant of my wife’s needs for so long, and she’s finally had enough. It should have never come to what’s it come to. I’ve had this anger inside of me that I’ve just ignored. My 1-year-old son is completely innocent, and I did something that put him at risk.
Dawson: What did you do?
Tyler: I was just frustrated, and I took him up to his room and I threw him on his bed. He didn’t deserve that. No 1-year-old ever deserves that. And my friend told me, “Look, man, you got to tell your wife what you did, or I’m going to tell her, because she needs to know.” And now, she’s leaving me, and I don’t blame her.
Dawson: Did this all happen just recently?
Tyler: Yeah, it just happened in the last couple of weeks, and right now CPS is involved for obvious reasons. They’re considering dropping the case since it was a one-time event, by the grace of God. It could end up a lot more intense with them.
Dawson: Did your wife kick you out of the house?
Tyler: She has kicked me out. I have nowhere to go except to my parent’s house. I can’t even see my kids right now, unless she permits it, and she has to be there.
Dawson: So, you’re asking the question, should you fight for your family? Should you do whatever you could possibly do to win back your family? Or Should you just give up and let her go on because of the mistakes you’ve made.
Tyler: Yes, sir.
Dawson: Should I stay and fight for the family and do whatever I need to do to win back my family? Or should I walk away? It’s just too hard. I screwed up too much. There’s too much shame.
Tyler: I definitely don’t deserve a second chance.
Dawson: Who does? I don’t one person that deserves anything from God, but judgment. He sees your broken heart. It broke his heart for what you did, but he’s got it covered. He loves you and wants what is best for you. Now, does it make it any easier when you try to win her back? No.
Tyler, don’t give up. You’re going to go through a real ride – don’t give up!
Peer to Peer Advice For Tyler:
Should Tyler stay and fight for his family or walk away because of his mistakes? Tyler says he doesn’t deserve a second chance. But, then again, who does? We are going to help Tyler. God allowed him to get caught so he could deal with his rage. Do you have wisdom or encouragement for Tyler? Please comment below!
Christ Will Guide You and Get You Through - Kristen
Kristen: I'm really just calling in to definitely give you good words. I'm not calling in any way to bash you. I definitely think God guided my hand to the phone to call and give you words of hope. You committed to Christ, and you truly give that to him and let him see that you feel bad for what you've done, and it’s truly through Christ. He will guide the path from there for you and get you through it. Even if it is through DHR, or whatever.
Dawson: What are your feelings towards Tyler, as you talk with him?
Kristen: I have feelings of maybe a good vibe. I don't really know. It's definitely a good vibe though.
Dawson: I just hear a lot of grace in your voice, a lot of compassion. After you've been through what you've been through, you could easily be bitter yourself and you're not.
Kristen: I have been through a lot and God’s gotten me through to where I am today.
Follow Through on What You Say You’re Going to Do - Aileen
Aileen: I felt compelled to call because of my past relationship - I have a daughter with my ex-boyfriend. We weren't married, but it was a very stressful relationship. I saw for the first-time emotional abuse. It was nothing physical, but it was emotional. And my daughter was always in between, and she was a baby, and she heard a lot of yelling and screaming since the pregnancy.
So, Tyler, I'm so glad that you decided to call and ask for help because that's when you see that a person's really trying. When I see the man that I was with, he would say things, but the actions wouldn't follow the things that he was saying. So, I just hope that you will… if you decide to fight for your family, which I totally think you should. God gave you a wife, gave you a baby, gave you the opportunities to be a protector, a man… so, you should definitely fight for that. That you follow through with what you say that you're going to do and just give her the time that she needs. Time is going to be on your side. Just give it time and things will get better. Trust me, because he has, I was able to forgive my ex, and we're not in a relationship anymore, but I forgave him, and now we are in better times than we were in the past.
Get with God and Let Him Repair the Issues - Calvin
Calvin: What I have is a bit of experience and, I was struck by the holy spirit when I heard the young man's voice. I could hear the anguish in it and the sorrow and the repentance. You can't fake that. I know from experience. I was not always a stellar husband or a stellar father. And God brought me to my knees in a similar situation… verbally abusive to a young daughter who did not deserve anything of that nature. When I got on my knees and I asked him to help me, things started to work, and it worked on God's time, and it will take time.
I'm here to give you a firsthand account that you can atone, with your heavenly father. And if you don't know him, I urge you to get with him as soon as you can. And then you can begin to let him repair the issues you have been involved with.
The Only Way to Work Through Your Anger Issues is Through the Love of Christ - John
John: I'm going to be real brief Dawson, because my heart really goes out to Tyler, and I've been there. I had a similar situation where I was ready to walk away, and my wife said, “What about the kids?” And that turned my life around. Then I watched the movie, Fireproof, and that movie Dawson really showed me what I needed to do as a man, how to treat my wife. And that's my encouragement to Tyler.
Tyler, the call before this one, where that man was just encouraging you. All I can say is AMEN, because what he shared was exactly what I was going to share. And that the only way that you can get through your anger issues and love another person is through the love of Christ and the only way by doing that is to give your heart to him and allow him to work. And that's my encouragement to you.
If you haven't had a chance to watch the movie, Fireproof, I just encourage you to get it and watch it. It will change your life. Brother, stay with your family. Fight for them. I now have six grandchildren that if I had walked away, I would have never seen, and I praise God for them.
Don’t Let This Stop You From Being a Father - Brian
Brian: Alright, so I just wanted to say to Tyler, that voice in your head that tells you that you should walk away, that you're not worthy, that is that's nothing but shame and guilt talking. I think in that aspect, moving forward with keeping your family is the way to go. Christ wouldn't tell you you're not worthy. God wouldn't say that what you've done is unfixable. Christ has already paid forward in debt the sins that we are going to carry forward.
I greatly encourage you to seek Christian-based counseling and continue having community with the church - that's going to help. We all carry such baggage, so much baggage from our family of origin, that we have to get worked out as an adult and as parents, so we don't pass that down to our children. So that the buck stops with us and that the cycle of abuse and anger doesn't continue to our children. I can understand it – from me, I know how somebody can get there. I've been there. A lot of us have, and we're on the other side now and we're telling you - continue forward. Don't let this stop you from being a father, with Christ on your side, Tyler. I'm praying for you.
The Word Will Set You Free - Carlos
Carlos: I just want to share with Tyler that, first of all, our relationship with God comes first before our relationship with our wife and children. First of all, if, if he's a Christian, he should have never taken this road towards a road of destruction and, spiritually, we really need to be mindful of how we are walking in the Lord. As a child of God and he's a holy God, we must consider walking after the spirit. In Romans chapter eight, it states how we should conduct ourselves and it is the spirit we must live by, because if we live by flesh, well, that's not of God.
“Those who live according to the flesh have their minds set on what the flesh desires; but those who live in accordance with the Spirit have their minds set on what the Spirit desires.” (Romans 8:5)
So, as believers, we need to get into the word. Please get into the word, man. It will set you free, bro. And please consider your walk in the Lord, because if it's not solid, you're walking on… the devil’s just toying with you, man. You got it. Believe in, you're going to have to answer to whatever comes as far as the law in Texas, and how they're going to handle your case here. But God is a God of second chances, and he will give you as many as four or five or as many chances you need to get your life right.
God Got Me Out of a Dark Place - Janelle
Janelle: Hi, I just wanted to tell Tyler that I'm so proud of him for coming forward and calling you in and trying to get some direction here. I just want to give a little background info on me. I have three girls. After my first daughter, I was in a really dark place. I had really bad postpartum depression. I started using drugs shortly after. I was around terrible people. The boyfriend that I had at the time was very abusive and it eventually got to the point where CPS was in my life. It got to the point where I wasn't allowed around my daughter at the time. And it got so bad, and I was so lost that I said, “I have to get some help.” And I got on my knees, and I prayed, and I prayed the hardest I've ever prayed in my life. And I asked God for help. And that was the first step for me to get to where I'm at today.
I went to detox and as long as I was doing the next right thing… I had criminal cases as well, God led me out of the destruction. He got me out of that dark place. The devil does not want us happy. He does not want us to be good parents to our children. He does not want us to be in healthy relationships with our significant others, but God does. And that's where we have to turn to him and ask for his direction and guidance. And my life completely changed, when I asked God for help. And I stayed close with him. I just want Tyler to know that he needs to fight for his family and his child, especially.
I wouldn't worry about your relationship too much now. I would love for you to just show your son how much you love him. Don't just say it, just show it and be there on time when you're supposed to. Make memories with him because that is your son. I know eventually you'll get out of this spot, as long as you get close to God.
Don’t Quit!
Dawson: What do you think, Tyler?
Tyler: I appreciate all the wisdom and the hope. I really do.
Dawson: Not a one of them beat you up.
Tyler: No. I wish I could be that understanding with myself.
Dawson: The day will come. Just remember in the world of making memories, as Janell said a second ago, you're making them tonight. We had 7 calls from 7 people, and every one of them said, don't quit. Don't quit, no matter how dark it gets, get on your knees before God, and get around Christian people, as they said. What we're not going to do is quit. That's what Satan wants to do. He wants to blow your family apart. We're just not going to let him do that. I'm going to send you one of my Hope Coaches right now, and our prayers are with you. Let me pray for you.
A Prayer for Tyler
Lord,
Thank you for Tyler and Lord. He's done some bad things; but not so bad that they cannot be redeemed. God, give him sleep tonight. Give him rest. Protect him from the awfulness of shame that Satan’s been banging him over the head with. Give him peace, sleep, and the next right decision, Lord. We're just going to claim right now that he gets that family back and that he will be in time, a transformed man, God's man, that you've brought back from the brink. And may his life be a testimony to others that he will be able to talk to about this very issue of child abuse.
In Christ’s name, we pray, Amen.
Just About Out of Hope
God bless you, Tyler. Do you want to say anything to these people that were so kind to you?
Tyler: I just want to say that I'm appreciative of the hope. I really needed it because I was just about out. I understand that my wife will need time if…
Dawson: You're not thinking about suicide, are you?
Tyler: No, sir.
Dawson: I just had to ask.
Tyler: I can't add one more list on the things that my son would think of.
Dawson: Yeah, you're absolutely right. I'm hopeful, Tyler, very hopeful for you. This is a life-changing moment that you would call like this - shows your willingness to get help and be transformed. Proud of you big time!
Fight for Your Family
What we are hearing every single person say to you Tyler is – to fight for your family. Don’t give up just because you messed up. This is a wake-up call, Tyler, and an opportunity to address your anger and learn how to deal with it. Anyone who’s listened – can hear the regret and sorrow in your voice. You know you messed up. You know you need to deal with your anger. With God’s help, you can address your anger issues and become the husband and father you want to be. As Janell talked about, she was on a road of destruction and in a dark place and God rescued her. God will rescue you, too, Tyler, as you surrender yourself and your anger to Him.
Thank you to all of our peer-to-peer callers for your graciousness, and for sharing your hearts with Tyler and the rest of us. I heard a ton of compassion from all of you and that’s exactly what Tyler needed. You’ll rock! Thanks for being a part of The Dawson McAllister Podcast!
Other Related Podcast Episodes on Anger:
Resources for Anger Management:
Relevant eBooks:
Need to talk to someone? Chat with a Hope Coach at TheHopeLine.
This is the Dawson McAllister Podcast, and until next time…Remember you are loved, you are valuable, and God has an amazing plan for your life. – Rachel
