I talk a lot about how people seem to be in such a hurry to rush into a dating relationship. I always emphasize how important it is to develop a strong friendship as a foundation before heading into romance. Say you've done this, what's next?
Lucy asked our first 'best guy friend' question:
Does my best guy friend like me as more than just a friend? And how do I know if he is falling in love with me?
Maybe you are wondering, "Is this really love?"
Friendship and dating are very important. In the end, best friends make great marriages. That being said, since you didn't say what your feelings are for this guy, I'm guessing you don't have romantic feelings for him. So for him, this is unquestionably a very delicate situation.
If he is actually falling in love with you, he's probably scared and nervous about you finding out, since he doesn't know how you'll respond.
He doesn't want to do anything to jeopardize the friendship you already have. That's a good thing. Friendships are priceless and need protecting and nurturing so they will grow.
How to Know if a Friend Has Feelings for You
Here are a couple of questions you may want to ask yourself:
1. When you talk with your friend about other people who you are dating, or are interested in, is he supportive and encouraging, or does he become quiet and distant?
- A friend will be supportive, but someone whose emotions are clouded with the possibility of being in love will tend to have a more emotional response.
2. Does he want to spend time only with you, or is he okay doing things with you and others?
- A friend is willing to share you with others, but someone who is trying to balance their emotional feelings toward you may tend to be a bit more possessive.
In the end, you will need to communicate with each other and define what your relationship really is.
Even though it may hurt him, if you don't have the same feelings for him that he has for you, knowing the truth is always better than not.
However you feel about him, I'm sure what you tell him will be filled with love and respect. After all, a good close friend of the opposite sex is priceless.
Rebecca brings us our next question about moving from friendship to dating:
How can you tell if the friendship should go to the next level?
The decision to take a friendship to the next level, from friendship to a dating relationship, has to be mutual. Both sides have to agree that they want to go deeper with the other person.
These Things Have to Be Talked Out.
Unless they are talked out, there can be confusion and hurt feelings. So whoever brings up the subject has put themselves in somewhat of a vulnerable position. Yet, good friendships can endure these trying times.
The Best Thing I Can Tell You is to Be Patient.
Let the relationship grow, and when you feel like you're ready, I'd encourage you to find a time when the two of you are alone, and try bringing up the topic. With a friendship based on honesty and trust, you will be able to face the challenge of being vulnerable.
The Right Thing to Say:
Try saying something like, "You're a great friend, and I don't ever want that to change. And honestly, I've always wondered if this friendship would ever turn into something deeper. But I'm not sure how we would know. Do you have any ideas?" Asking him for his opinion is a great way to show you value what he thinks and feels, and you'll find out if you're on track.
Let's assume for a moment that your guy friend agrees with you about taking the relationship to the next level. What then should you do? I would encourage you to sit down together and make a list of the things you have been doing that have made your friendship so strong. Commit to keep doing them, and your relationship will automatically grow. But be extremely careful about becoming very affectionate and sexual with each other. I have seen so many potentially great relationships ruined by the misuse of sex. As someone once said, if you settle for cheap sex, you will never discover priceless love.
Life is short. So be open and honest with your feelings, but be prepared for them not to be reciprocated. But with him knowing how you feel, you very well might open the door for him to start seeing you in a different, more romantic light.
Still wondering if the feelings are mutual? Read this blog to find out if it's really love.
I really need help. I'm super unexperienced in love and all those things. And I have a best friend who I saw a lot in school (now less, and never outside school). When I think back, I remember he gave me some, like, sweet looks, like he was trying to 'connect' with me more if that makes sense. But I'm so stupid that at the moment itself I didn't notice and was busy with talking or something else.
But I actually really like him. But the last times I saw him, he didn't give a look anymore and that just when I was ready to respond to it... I think he has given up or something. How can I get his attention back? I can't flirt lol, I'm so awkward.
My best guy friend said to me that he was thinking bout me during the summer and that im cute and fun, that I make him laught for nothing, and when people are annoying me he protects me and says: "can you have a daughter like that?" I dont really know if he likes me more than just a friend because he encourages me dating, and actually I think I may love him
If he encourages you to date other people then that might mean he just sees you as a friend...but if he hints for you to date him and he says you're cute and stuff like that then maybe he does like you
Basically, I came out to my friends as bi and a couple of days ago one of my friends came out to me as bi. We are both female. She said that she has a crush and both one of my other friends and I think her crush is me. I like her but I'm not sure I would ever make a move. How do I tell if she likes me or not?
So hey, my best friend who is my ex boyfriend , me and him love each other er alot , but its complicated coz i have breaked some of promise i made like not texting to guys and not give my number for anyone else other than him , we met online on fb but we loved since day one, but after i broked the promises he started to change 😕 , i am a self harmer , i cut myself whenever i get sad or when ever he doesn't believe me, i always did get sad thinking that i would loose him , i never wanted to end up being a buddy of his , when he and i was in a relationship he dint talk to any girls coz i said him not to i never like it coz i get jealous and i hate it if someone starts loving him... If something happens it happens for both of together like the percentage of charge its both of have the same percentage evertime , and we always say i love you together as if we have planned it befour , we met on 05 feb 2017, we have been dating for 3 months and 23 until yesterday i thought of breaking up coz he started thinking me in a wrong way ,, some guy , idk how he got my number but he was like calling me and then he was like when asked him who he is and why is calling me ,he was like i am gonna come to place , i blocked him ,, i said it to my bf and he said oh is that how you talk to guys , i dint even know who boy was neither i dint say anything i juz only asked who he was ,,, after that my bf told me i am a prostitute after saying that even he cried alot he regretted saying that word to me ,i cried like hell coz i never loved anyone else other than my bf , guys came after me but i never , coz i only could see my bf, i only love him more than anyone else in these world, promise , i never had an unwanted talk with other guys , unless me bf tease eachother like idiots , but he got everything that i have done in a wrong way tbh i am not a outgoing person with buddies and stuff, i only go out with my family other than that i wont go, but that word he said to me killed me i juz wanted to die , i said this one of my friend over a text msg saying that i want my bf back ,he said yea your bf is texting me ryt now, then my friend said that my bf said that i have only loved him for time pass , i was hurt alot,, i cried cried so much and then my friend talked to him and my bf gave me text, i was so happy like wow but he was like i have to go now and then started to cry aagain , we got together again but he has changed again after that guy texted me in a bad way, so i broked up with my bf, and then i juz still couldn't leave him neither he could , so then we planned of becoming best friends we got so close omg i was so happy and then at nyt he asked some of my pics coz he cant stay looking at me i gave him some of my pics and he was omg i want you ,i love you and gave me kisses ,and then asked for more he was really happy after he saw me, then i said i cant send no more he got hurt and said cried like hell and said i dont anything of yours and went offline ,, after that i put up a normal msg saying i am so sorry ,honestly i regret saying i cant give him, after that he came online again after arguing alot,, both of our battery was 15% and then i was like sorry and asked for his voice msges he gave me , i asked for a kiss to say i love you and stuff he said everything ,, and i went offline saying him to be safe and stuff....so i am juz asking can you all help me plz tbh we love eachother alot i love been his friend but i want to marry him , juz tell me i dunno what to do........ It would be a great help if you could help me in this
Should I tell my best friend I love him if he has a girlfriend?
Maybe you should first ask him about his relationship with the girl he is dating...if he is crazy over her then I wouldn't suggest telling him but if he seems to not show much interest in her then I'd tell him how you feel