I talk a lot about how people seem to be in such a hurry to rush into a dating relationship. I always emphasize how important it is to develop a strong friendship as a foundation before heading into romance. Say you've done this, what's next?
Lucy asked our first 'best guy friend' question:
Does my best guy friend like me as more than just a friend? And how do I know if he is falling in love with me?
Maybe you are wondering, "Is this really love?"
Friendship and dating are very important. In the end, best friends make great marriages. That being said, since you didn't say what your feelings are for this guy, I'm guessing you don't have romantic feelings for him. So for him, this is unquestionably a very delicate situation.
If he is actually falling in love with you, he's probably scared and nervous about you finding out, since he doesn't know how you'll respond.
He doesn't want to do anything to jeopardize the friendship you already have. That's a good thing. Friendships are priceless and need protecting and nurturing so they will grow.
How to Know if a Friend Has Feelings for You
Here are a couple of questions you may want to ask yourself:
1. When you talk with your friend about other people who you are dating, or are interested in, is he supportive and encouraging, or does he become quiet and distant?
- A friend will be supportive, but someone whose emotions are clouded with the possibility of being in love will tend to have a more emotional response.
2. Does he want to spend time only with you, or is he okay doing things with you and others?
- A friend is willing to share you with others, but someone who is trying to balance their emotional feelings toward you may tend to be a bit more possessive.
In the end, you will need to communicate with each other and define what your relationship really is.
Even though it may hurt him, if you don't have the same feelings for him that he has for you, knowing the truth is always better than not.
However you feel about him, I'm sure what you tell him will be filled with love and respect. After all, a good close friend of the opposite sex is priceless.
Rebecca brings us our next question about moving from friendship to dating:
How can you tell if the friendship should go to the next level?
The decision to take a friendship to the next level, from friendship to a dating relationship, has to be mutual. Both sides have to agree that they want to go deeper with the other person.
These Things Have to Be Talked Out.
Unless they are talked out, there can be confusion and hurt feelings. So whoever brings up the subject has put themselves in somewhat of a vulnerable position. Yet, good friendships can endure these trying times.
The Best Thing I Can Tell You is to Be Patient.
Let the relationship grow, and when you feel like you're ready, I'd encourage you to find a time when the two of you are alone, and try bringing up the topic. With a friendship based on honesty and trust, you will be able to face the challenge of being vulnerable.
The Right Thing to Say:
Try saying something like, "You're a great friend, and I don't ever want that to change. And honestly, I've always wondered if this friendship would ever turn into something deeper. But I'm not sure how we would know. Do you have any ideas?" Asking him for his opinion is a great way to show you value what he thinks and feels, and you'll find out if you're on track.
Let's assume for a moment that your guy friend agrees with you about taking the relationship to the next level. What then should you do? I would encourage you to sit down together and make a list of the things you have been doing that have made your friendship so strong. Commit to keep doing them, and your relationship will automatically grow. But be extremely careful about becoming very affectionate and sexual with each other. I have seen so many potentially great relationships ruined by the misuse of sex. As someone once said, if you settle for cheap sex, you will never discover priceless love.
Life is short. So be open and honest with your feelings, but be prepared for them not to be reciprocated. But with him knowing how you feel, you very well might open the door for him to start seeing you in a different, more romantic light.
Still wondering if the feelings are mutual? Read this blog to find out if it's really love.
We have been friends for over 3 years and we connect at an emotional level.... He keeps saying that he likes me or is attracted to me... He talks about our future together and says that even though he has a gf now no need to worry cuz he'll come back to me.... He acts like my boyfriend.. Won't let other guys get too close to me but won't propose himself... He always finds flaws in my boyfriends and cuts them off..... I fell for him and now he's again patched up with his gf and it's killing me..... I need help.... All the signs are there that he likes me or am I reading too much into things... Pls help... I can't take it anymore and the fact that I have to talk to him everyday is real agony for me.... Pls help me understand wat to do
Ok so my one friend has a cousin that got my number and we get along but then one day we were talking and i told him ,(not knowing then that i liked him that much ),told him that i like this other guy and since then he has been very weird and now we dont talk at all i think i hurt his feelings so how do i tell him that i like him without saying it directly
Unhappy girl.plz help
Ok so i have this friend and she has a cousin ,he found my number and we started talking and you know getting along then out of the blue i told him that i like someone else and i did not realize i like him so much so from that day he has been weird but now i wanna go out with him ,and alot of his friends say he liked me and now he doesnt ... i dont wanna push it but i just wanna know if he likes me ??plz help and can i let him know i like him without saying it directly
So , my guy best friend .. We've been best friends got almost 3 years now . when we became friends I liked him then but he had a gf. After that I never saw him as more than a friend until January. We always have fun and he always tries to keep me entertained, he won an animal at the fair for me, every time I see him he stares at me , like while I'm watching a movie or playing his game. he kisses me and says things like I love you bae, I like you , you so cute and it's repeatedly and he acknowledges that i don't say i l love you back. I know he's not trying to get sex from me , he knows he's not going to. He's even danced with me and we laugh seeing him is always just amazing. He does and said all this sweet stuff but then he won't finish a text conversation with me or he never texts me first and I'm confused . that's really the main thing that confuses me , there is no way someone is into you, but won't talk to you consistently. I know this is complicated, but Is he into me?
He probably is shy or doesn't want to seem too dominant and doesn't want to hurt u in any way either so that's why he doesn't finish the conversation as he wants u to end the conversation first, maybe he feels he might be bothering u and he doesn't want to seem desperate or anything that's probably why he wants u to text him first, but he is into u and he probably likes u alot
I do excatly all those things with my best guy friend! But he is bisexual and he has a girlfriend right now. At school he talks to almost every girl because theyre all drooling over him and im there a jealous friend but i just dont tell him. What can i do ?