Maybe you've made some bad choices, and the gossipers are now using them against you. Our reputation can be harmed when we make poor choices at work or school, or when we hurt others in our relationships.
Perhaps you struggle with the same relationship problems over and over, or you keep falling back into harmful or addictive behaviors. All that has an impact on your reputation.
Or maybe someone is making up lies about you, simply trying to hurt you.
Gossiping is such a popular way for people to spend their time, and tragically, the damage it can do spreads like a virus, until someone's reputation is seriously damaged.
You may feel like there's no chance to counteract the horrible things they are saying. It's going to take some time, but trust me, the good news is, you can rebuild your reputation and you can recover.
Here are some ideas on how to do it:
Ignore the Negative
It is very important to stop listening to all the bad things being said about you it will only bring you down and leave you feeling discouraged and hopeless.
That was Sarah's experience: I was driving myself crazy, listening or even trying to imagine what other people were saying about me. I had to stop. Then I could finally move on.
Plan out your Future Self
Figure out what kind of person you want to be, and then work on showing that to other people. You're well aware of how you don't want people to view you. How do you want them to view you? And why?
Find a Friend you can Confide in
Find one other person you can talk to who will remind you of the person you want to be and believes the best about you. If you can't find anyone, be that person for yourself.
Are your friends adding to, or taking away, from your reputation?
Devon commented: Until I could find a good friend, I had to keep telling myself over and over I am not the person they say I am. I'm a good person and though I'm not perfect, I'm working on getting better.
Be Honest about your Mistakes
If the source of the gossip is rooted in truth, let people (especially the people you care about the most) know what is true, but that you want to change. Then, over time, go about proving it to them!
Time will usually heal a lot of difficult situations.
A New Group of Friends?
Figure out if you need a new group of friends. Are your friends adding value to, or taking away, from your reputation? If they are affecting your reputation in a negative way, you don't have to neglect, or start talking badly about them, but you might want to add some new people into your life people who are known to say encouraging and positive things.
Misty said: I found out from another friend that the people I was hanging out with were only hurting my reputation. I still care about them, but I need to be careful about what influence they might be having on me.
Show you care about Other People
Smile, and be nice to people you see. Take a genuine interest in what other people are doing or thinking. People always appreciate someone who seems to care. You'll find that people will be drawn to you, and less likely to talk badly about you.
Simply being nice to others gives you a chance to feel good about yourself, win new friends, and allow existing acquaintances to, eventually, reconsider their thoughts about you.
Make a little change
Sometimes changing something as simple as your hairstyle or your clothes will make a ton of difference in how people view you. Be creative, and don't be afraid to conform just a little bit to what seems to be the current looks.
Don't ever try to turn into something you are not!
Be patient
It takes time to build a good reputation. And even more time to rebuild a damaged one. In time, the truth about you will be known. A good reputation is hard to destroy. Who you are as a person speaks for itself. Besides, sometimes people go on with their own lives, and forget what was said about you.
David had this experience: I had people saying bad things about me. But after a while, people just kind of forgot about it. You just have to be patient and stay confident.
An additional tip to help you rebuild your reputation
If you're feeling like you need to rebuild your reputation, ask your close friends or family what they see to be your positive or negative traits. What do they think would be beneficial for you to adjust, in order to help improve your reputation?
No matter what you do to rebuild your reputation, don't ever try to turn into something you are not. Just remember to be true to yourself, and honest to your closest friends. As you seek to live the best life you can, you will be able to hold your head held high no matter what other people say about you.
Rebuild a bad reputation also by working on your self-esteem. It's possible to change what you and others think about you.
I am so so sorry you are going through this. We all make mistakes and no one deserves to have it gossiped about and used to shame you. We are here for you to talk about it and maybe come up with some solutions. We care about you. Click the "chat now" button to start chatting with a HopeCoach anytime 24/7. Hang in there!
About a year ago, I did something with a boy and he promised he wouldn't tell anyone. Yes, it was VERY stupid and I regret it soooo much. I really really liked him and thats why I did it but thats no excuse. Ever since, he's been telling everyone and some people believe him, some people dont but more people believe him. I always deny it but its getting worse. Recently, i began going to a new school and he also goes there. More than ten people at the school already know and now the people in my class do too. I keep denying it but less people are believing. I am so depressed and I hate myself for what I've done. He doesn't even care because when we would look at each other he would laugh. He always tries to blackmail and say that he's going to tell everyone but he already did! I don't know what to do. lm loosing it. please help.
PS: we're in 9th grade
I am so sorry that you are going through this. As someone who went through this a couple times, I have some advice. As impossible as it seems now, try not to let this get you down or define you. Do NOT add to the story by giving these haters another piece of bait. Do NOT defend yourself. You did nothing wrong. You did what literally millions of other girls have done. And what a jerk he is for making you feel bad! He had no issue doing that with you at the time. His inability to be mature about this says EVERYTHING about *him* and NOTHING about *you*. Why should you feel guilty and he gets to live his life? Take ownership, girl, and live your life. This doesn't mean you have to admit or deny anything; just stop acknowledging the situation that way. Acknowledge that you've already heard the rumor, "Oh, I've heard that about me, too", then change the subject. If they continue to press you for information, turn it back on the gossiper, "You know, gossip usually says much more about the people spreading it than those the rumors are about". Give it no energy. Give him no energy. We all want to be liked and accepted but you do not have to accept this treatment from anyone. You have NOTHING to be guilty about; he did it, too. He's not beating himself up about it. 10 years from now you'll look back and think, "Really? I let that loser dictate my high school years?" and if you let him do that, you'll regret that you didn't fully enjoy these years. Screw him, screw the haters. Make like Rihanna and "Live your life". You'll find that this will be over soon. Learn from it and move on. The only person you can control is you. Life is 10% what happens to us and 90% how we react to it. Keep your head up. You're not the only one who has gone through this. You will not be the last. I'm willing to bet almost every adult female you know has been through something similar in their lives. The double standard and our society's rape culture and "boys will be boys" mentality didn't just start. I went through this and I graduated 17 years ago. God bless.
Can you look into suing for libel or slander? Calling this person out and making them answer for their actions may be your best option to shut them down and reclaim your reputation.
I've just been accused, by someone I risked my job to help, of using my position to keep people out of work, getting people sacked, stealing my former manager's job and gossiping about everyone. The exact opposite is true! We work in a tough environment but I've been everyone's defender, though sometimes I haven't been able to help. Now that I've been promoted temporarily to another department and no-one's been told (they just think I've gone) the knives are all out. This person texted me to say she prayed for my downfall and is glad I have finally gone! I can never defend myself to people because I'd be breaching HR confidentiality if I spoke about any of the situations where I've been grossly misrepresented. It sucks. It can make a person feel worthless when they put their neck on the line for people who then try to ruin their lives. How on earth do I repair my reputation with so many 'vested interests' adding fuel to the fire and me unable to comment??!!
Take the text messages, emails, and your side of the story to HR. In no way should you be on the receiving end of harassing text messages. HR can pull this person in and point out to them that behavior like theirs is not what gets a promotion like yours.
I went through some really bad experiences in uni with people who i thought were my friends. i told them some that i should not have told and people found out and talked and laughed at me even took pictures of me to post and talk about with other people. it was so embarrassing and i felt like i rather die then live another day but my close friends and family got through to me and helped me be stronger. now i have a bad reputation to rebuild and work on rebuilding my self esteem.