Trust and Security

After 25 years of taking countless phone calls on my radio show, I've heard thousands of stories about heartbreak due to relationship failures. What is so often lacking in all these relationships is a foundation of trust.  And without trust people have no sense of security and can never rest secure in their relationship.

So, let's look at some key factors needed to build trust before a relationship even begins.

4 Ideas to Help Find Someone You Can Trust

So often I hear of people who are deep into relationships emotionally, physically, or even sexually, but still are not sure they can trust their partner. They don't know if they can trust their BF/GF with their true feelings, or if they will be faithful, or even if they are who they appear to be.  I remember an interview with Taylor Swift where she was asked about the most difficult thing she has learned about relationships.

"It's when you think you know someone," she replied, "then later find out that is not at all who they were."

Passion wrote: I've been dating this guy for 5 months and I found out he gave his number to another girl, I don't even see him the same as I used to, I look at him and wonder if everything is a lie.

LittleShorty wrote:  He tells me he loves me and that he wants to spend the rest of his life with me... But my problem is that he thinks I am cheating on him... but I am not cheating on him... What I wanna know if he is cheating on me or not...

HARD TRUTH: 

No relationship is going to succeed or survive without a strong foundation of trust.

So, how do you arrive at trust? How do you know if you can trust your BF/GF? No simple answer to those questions, but here are a few ideas:

1. Start by simply avoiding relationships with people you already know are untrustworthy. That might quickly eliminate a few possibilities.

2. Look for someone who will talk to you about common interests, as well as personal stuff like faith, values, and what you want to do with you lives. You can't always go on what people say but talking about those things gives you a momentary glimpse of what is really inside that person. What if they don't want to talk about that kind of stuff? It's not a deal-breaker, but an unwillingness to let you see inside makes you wonder what's really in there.

3. Observe what they do and how they act under pressure. That's when our real selves begin to show.

4. Set your standard high and look for a BF/GF who wants to know you, be with you, love you for who you are not for access to your body, not to hitch a ride on your popularity, and not for something he/she wants to turn you into. Before jumping in with both feet, be sure they love you for who you are, just as you are, right now.

Insecurity is another big issue holding relationships back...have you ever worried your BF/GF was going to leave you?

How do I get past the thought that my BF/GF will leave me?

Fear of abandonment is very common, especially if you have finally met someone who you really like, or if have been abandoned in the past. It's natural to want to hold onto things that mean the most to us. But still, we are never given permission to own or control another person.

This means other people are always free to do whatever they want, even if it means leaving the relationship. There's a fine line between wanting to have someone in your life and wanting to possess them. Many people don't have enough belief or confidence in themselves to ever imagine being alone. This can cause a person to hold on too tightly. Loyalty is one thing--fear of being alone is another.

Most people do not want to be in a relationship with someone who is extremely insecure, negative and clingy.

To get past the fear of being left, you need to get to the place where being alone is not the worst thing that could ever happen to you. This will take time, but it's worth the effort. Spend some time trying to figure out what kinds of things you enjoy. What kinds of things make you feel really alive? As you get to know yourself, you will have more of your complete self to bring to a relationship.

It also helps to know that you will never truly be alone...even if your BF/GF leaves you.  God promises us in the Bible that He will never abandon us and will always love us because we belong to him...we are his children. If you believe this, you will find such confidence and comfort because you know you are never truly alone.

So, if you are in a good relationship, thank God for every day you have with your BF/GF. You have today, tomorrow will take care of itself. And God will always be there.