In my blog, "How to Quit Cutting for Good", I talked about 3 alternative coping strategies for self-harm: Talk it out, wake up to your actual feelings, and seek God.
Once you decide you're committed to stop cutting, you will find out what a struggle it is to go sober and stay free from this horrible addiction. Even as you are beginning to recover, you still will feel the cravings to cut again. You are going to need to be prepared to know how to deal with those powerful urges. Here are some practical ideas to help you or someone you know be set free.
Stop feeding the cutting monster - wait it out
Every urge you have to cut will go away in time, but only if you don't act on it. Each time you act on your urge to cut, you're making that urge stronger kind of like feeding a monster. Each time you feed the addiction, the more likely you will feel the urge to cut the next time you feel the same emotional pressure. The more you stand against the urge, without giving in, the more your urges will decrease.
Distract yourself from the desire to cut
One of the best ways to stop cutting is by distracting yourself with someone or something else. This will allow the moment to pass when you're feeling the deep cravings to cut and get your mind off of it. It's impossible for your mind to think about two things at the exact same time. Here are some ideas on how to do this.
- Call a friend or meet them in person. Talk about what's comfortable for you. The key is to keep talking.
- Take a shower. This will help invigorate your body so physically it too is distracted. (Make sure there are no razors in the shower).
- Exercise Walk, run, ride your bike, climb, swim, do yoga, etc. While you are exercising, your mind is more likely to think about something other than cutting.
- Play with a pet. Take your dog for a walk.
- Watch television or a non-violent, healthy movie.
- Make yourself a sandwich, drink a glass of water or a cup of hot chocolate.
- Listen to positive music. It will definitely help to change your mood.
- Write in your journal. Learn to express your feelings through writing.
- Create art or some kind of creative hobby.
- Volunteer somewhere like a nursing home, or a hospital. In fact, getting a job will help as well. Some people cut out of sheer boredom.
Natalia put it this way: I still fight the urges, but the way I deal with it is by writing in my journal or talking to my best friend and boyfriend who are currently helping me through this.
The point is: Find something else to do. If none of these ideas are possible at the moment, try finding a substitute for the cutting sensation.
- Rub an ice cube on your skin, instead of cutting.
- Wear a rubber band on your wrist and snap it when you feel the urge.
- Draw on your skin with a red marker or food coloring in the place you would normally cut.
- Put temporary tattoos in the places you have the urge to cut.
Angel said rubber bands have helped her. I've learned that snapping them against your wrist takes away a little bit of the amount to want to cut yourself. Ali said the key for her was she needed something physical to feel like she was still alive, that she was OK. So, I mark a little pink heart on my calendar for every day I don't cut...and believe it or not it helps. Help is possible and stopping is realistic.
Tell your story
The biggest problem with a cutting addiction is it forces you to focus on how YOU are feeling. Stop thinking about yourself so much and focus on other cutters who need your help. The more you can reach out to others, encouraging them to find better ways to express their feelings, the better you will be able to resist your own urges. Courtney said: I'm proud to be able to tell people my story of overcoming my self-destructive behavior. Every day is a struggle, but I always choose to find hope in the darkest situations and fight the urge.
Think About your Future without Cutting and Self-Harm
You have an incredible life ahead of you, filled with many, many years of potential joy and time with people you love, and who love you as well. Think about what you'd like your life to look like in 5, 10, 15 years, and start taking steps to move forward in that direction.
Abby is 25, and she sees hope in her future: If I don't stop cutting, then a lot of the things I want aren't going to work out the way I dream they will.
Cyndal said: I thought about when I have children, and they see the cuts and scars on my arms, and they ask me, 'Mommy what are those booboos on your arms?' That really made me think, 'WOW, what would I tell my children?' And it made me cry for a really long time"
I want to encourage you to be strong like Amanda. She said: It's a challenge every day, but I am fighting to not cut, because I know that my life can be really awesome, and cutting does not fit into that picture. When you feel your emotions building up, remember you now have alternatives to self-harm. Get self-help by talking to someone who cares.
Be strong. There is tremendous hope for you!
I haven't cut in almost 6 years, but it's still hard sometimes. Like tonight, I got so depressed and thought about it, but was able to draw on myself with marker instead. I haven't had to do that in awhile and it scared me. I feel like no one in my life right now really cares all that much about me or knows/accepts me as I am-and it hurts. I grew up in a rich family and as such certain things are expected of me. My "childish" hobbies (anime, manga, computer games etc) are treated with disdain and I'm made to feel like I need to change myself, dress just so, and have different hobbies in order to gain acceptance. I am a sucessful adult with a degree and a good job at this point but yet I still feel like my families love is and always will be conditional. I think it's so hard right now because my best friend moved across the country a few months ago-and another friend moved a year ago. This means that at the moment the only people close to me are my family, who are the reason I cut when I was in high school in the first place. I don't want any "formal" help and so have avoided any hotline because that stuff can be traced back to you and I just want someone to talk to, not to be tracked down and admitted to some stress unit because I admitted I was having a hard day. Do you know where I could go for this?
Thanks for coming here for help and for your honesty. Talking about it is really important. Is there someone safe like a school counselor you could tell?
I want to cut... but I don't want to upset my family. They think I stopped, but I haven't. I sometimes think I'm addicted, but I can't be.
okay, I have read many if people's stories and I want to share mine... My name charity, and I am 14 years old and yes I too have cut. The first time I was 10 and I was going through so much, and I kept it all to myself, my parents were breaking up and my only grandma had died, and later on me and my siblings had to live with my grandpa. My parents were drug addicts, and we never had a stable home. I am also the oldest out of my 3 other siblings... My grandpa wasn't much better, he was a old man that got drunk, worked on cars, ate, and slept all day, so it was just me so I ran the house cleaning and cooking at the age 10, I raised my siblings. My grandpa would be drunk and sit me down telling me I was good for nothing and that I was lazy and I would cry so badly because I knew I was none of those things. When I was 11 my mom came back to live with us she still lived with us and my grandpa of course, then she would be gone for days or weeks and she had me worried sick, I either thought she was in jail or dead because she would lie and say "I'll be back tomorrow" and it would be 2 weeks, and she never picked up the phone. Eventually I lost trust for her then I lost respect for her. By 12 my aunt sissy moved in, she was about 40, but I loved her to death and she was really cool. One thing about her was she was in and out of jail and she was also a drug addict and she was literally crazy but usually controlled it, until one day it was just me her and the kids she was throwing bowls threw windows, well I called the police and that happened so after than I had to live with my uncle Cory and aunt Beth. I was already knew how they're house worked but I spent the night there many times because of my cousin Angel ( age 11) and she also had a sister, Kenzie (age 3). We lived there for awhile and I was majorly depressed, but Angel was my best friend so that was a pro... There house was too small for all of us to live in (8 of us). So we moved in with my grandpa, and that was now 9 of us. We soon got used to it and I loved it, but I had some rock bottom break ups and I started cutting again. When Angel saw she would be so sad so I often tried to hide it but we shared a room, I stopped for awhile, for her sake. Soon my grandpa got guardian ship of us again but he kept getting drunk and so I told DSS and they gave guardian ship back to my aunt beth and uncle cory, when he found out he hated me and told my younger siblings that I was spoiled, lazy and stupid, none of those were true, we were all poor, I worked my butt off and I did the right thing. We all lived in the same house but my grandpa saw in his head that him and my siblings were family and all the rest of use were evil. My sibling knew better though but kept their mouth shut, after all I did raise them lol. One horrible night me and Angel were babysitting all the kids (5 kids) and my grandpa was sleeping but one thing lead to another and we had to locked the kids in the bedroom bathroom and me and Angel made a plan to call the police but the house phone was in his room so we planned to run in there get the phone and run right across to where another bathroom was and lock the door, angel was faster than me so she did what we planned and she locked the door. My grandpa kicked the door and the mirror slams against her head and the door opens and theres blood and glass all over the floor, she starts screaming my name telling me to get my grandpa away, I was screaming at him and I ran her to the bedroom bathroom where the kids were and we used emergency call on my cell phone and
when the police got there they had to take angel to the hospital, so me and the kids we just there with the police and we told them where my aunt and uncle were so they had to track them down and me and when they got there they had to talk to the police and then my and my aunt went to the hospital to see angel and she had to get stiches, and I held her hand tight through it while her mom talked to someone on the phone, on the way back home was quiet expect for my sobbing, when we got home me and angel went to our room and I began sobbing again which also lead her to sob, my aunt had came in and told us to stop and that we weren't sure if me and my siblings were going into foster care or not yet so we needed to stop worrying. The next day we had to pack our bags and say goodbye to our home, when our caseworker drove us away we all sobbed. As soon as I got a razor I did some serious damage. I had to change my whole life, I even had to change schools, I had major depression... It's almost been a year since I've been in foster care, and that when I met Jesus. There has been some rocky edges and at times I broke and I cut but just know it all gets better, look at my life. I'm not anti-social, and I love helping others with their problems but I often put others before me. Something that really broke me was I had this boyfriend that I could talk to and I told him about my life and he told me about his, I trusted him and we did some things that I know regret but he made me promise him that I wouldn't cut so everytime I wanted to cut I thought of him and stopped because he gave me hope and happiness... after I got in trouble and couldn't hang out with him he broke up with me, that day I cut so badly (2 mouths ago). I now realize who he is, and I am over him. I have been clean for 2 moths which is really good for me and I believe anyone can do it! I hope this helps someone in need!! if anyone wants to talk to me about their problems I'm here. Please feel free to talk to me about anything! I love you!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I am 11, and I started cutting this year. I am so depressed, and I need to find a way to stop. I am a cheerleader, and cheer season was over a moth ago, so, since then, it has been really hard for me to keep the blades away from my skin.