In my blog, "How to Quit Cutting for Good", I talked about 3 alternative coping strategies for self-harm: Talk it out, wake up to your actual feelings, and seek God.
Once you decide you're committed to stop cutting, you will find out what a struggle it is to go sober and stay free from this horrible addiction. Even as you are beginning to recover, you still will feel the cravings to cut again. You are going to need to be prepared to know how to deal with those powerful urges. Here are some practical ideas to help you or someone you know be set free.
Stop feeding the cutting monster - wait it out
Every urge you have to cut will go away in time, but only if you don't act on it. Each time you act on your urge to cut, you're making that urge stronger kind of like feeding a monster. Each time you feed the addiction, the more likely you will feel the urge to cut the next time you feel the same emotional pressure. The more you stand against the urge, without giving in, the more your urges will decrease.
Distract yourself from the desire to cut
One of the best ways to stop cutting is by distracting yourself with someone or something else. This will allow the moment to pass when you're feeling the deep cravings to cut and get your mind off of it. It's impossible for your mind to think about two things at the exact same time. Here are some ideas on how to do this.
- Call a friend or meet them in person. Talk about what's comfortable for you. The key is to keep talking.
- Take a shower. This will help invigorate your body so physically it too is distracted. (Make sure there are no razors in the shower).
- Exercise Walk, run, ride your bike, climb, swim, do yoga, etc. While you are exercising, your mind is more likely to think about something other than cutting.
- Play with a pet. Take your dog for a walk.
- Watch television or a non-violent, healthy movie.
- Make yourself a sandwich, drink a glass of water or a cup of hot chocolate.
- Listen to positive music. It will definitely help to change your mood.
- Write in your journal. Learn to express your feelings through writing.
- Create art or some kind of creative hobby.
- Volunteer somewhere like a nursing home, or a hospital. In fact, getting a job will help as well. Some people cut out of sheer boredom.
Natalia put it this way: I still fight the urges, but the way I deal with it is by writing in my journal or talking to my best friend and boyfriend who are currently helping me through this.
The point is: Find something else to do. If none of these ideas are possible at the moment, try finding a substitute for the cutting sensation.
- Rub an ice cube on your skin, instead of cutting.
- Wear a rubber band on your wrist and snap it when you feel the urge.
- Draw on your skin with a red marker or food coloring in the place you would normally cut.
- Put temporary tattoos in the places you have the urge to cut.
Angel said rubber bands have helped her. I've learned that snapping them against your wrist takes away a little bit of the amount to want to cut yourself. Ali said the key for her was she needed something physical to feel like she was still alive, that she was OK. So, I mark a little pink heart on my calendar for every day I don't cut...and believe it or not it helps. Help is possible and stopping is realistic.
Tell your story
The biggest problem with a cutting addiction is it forces you to focus on how YOU are feeling. Stop thinking about yourself so much and focus on other cutters who need your help. The more you can reach out to others, encouraging them to find better ways to express their feelings, the better you will be able to resist your own urges. Courtney said: I'm proud to be able to tell people my story of overcoming my self-destructive behavior. Every day is a struggle, but I always choose to find hope in the darkest situations and fight the urge.
Think About your Future without Cutting and Self-Harm
You have an incredible life ahead of you, filled with many, many years of potential joy and time with people you love, and who love you as well. Think about what you'd like your life to look like in 5, 10, 15 years, and start taking steps to move forward in that direction.
Abby is 25, and she sees hope in her future: If I don't stop cutting, then a lot of the things I want aren't going to work out the way I dream they will.
Cyndal said: I thought about when I have children, and they see the cuts and scars on my arms, and they ask me, 'Mommy what are those booboos on your arms?' That really made me think, 'WOW, what would I tell my children?' And it made me cry for a really long time"
I want to encourage you to be strong like Amanda. She said: It's a challenge every day, but I am fighting to not cut, because I know that my life can be really awesome, and cutting does not fit into that picture. When you feel your emotions building up, remember you now have alternatives to self-harm. Get self-help by talking to someone who cares.
Be strong. There is tremendous hope for you!
Hi, my name is aspyn I'm 16 years old and I have been cutting for about 3 years. I currently started putting on a lot of black, I cut my hair really short. And I sneak out of the house a lot late at night and go cut in the woods. I need some tips on how to stop cutting, other than getting help.
Thanks
-Aspyn
I'm 23 now. I started to "mutilate" myself when I was 10.. I would stick safety pins in my fingers..when I turned thirteen I started to take razors to my skin.. This was my way of dealing with the pain inside. I was molested by a family member and when I tried to tell my sister and about it she told me to keep my mouth shut.. My mom overheard and asked me if it was true and I said yes... But she never brought it up again and did nothing about it... Which hurt me even more... I didn't know what else to do.. I was separated by death from those I was close to at a very young age. Death and sadness surrounded me. Even at church I felt alone and like I didn't belong, my first boyfriend was abusive and to this day the only one that knows who molested me.. He threw it back in my face and I still don't trust anyone , doubt I'll ever open up about it again. This is the first time I've ever typed about it. When I first turned 16 I kicked the habit of cutting , don't remember how. I remember I had a secret stash of broken razor blades in a box and decided to just throw them away, to let go.. I used the rubber band trick and was proud at age 17 to be "fully" recovered. Lately I've been thinking about it a lot again and I'm afraid I may start again since I know I can get away with it .. I've been having anxiety really bad because my life has been too stressful for me. I have been going days without sleep and then sleeping all day, I can never stay focuses anymore and complete tasks, I don't care but I do about having relations with family and friends anymore, I'm distant now and appear cold to others , I overeat then starve myself, I pick at my head and my heart beats rapidly for no apparent reason sometimes.. I feel like I can't do anything with myself. I'm a failure in life. I can't handle a job in public because I'll break down, I've been in a relationship for 4 years and I love him but want to ruin us so I can be even more unhappy so I can starve myself so I can at least appear happy and skinny. I don't know what's wrong or what to do, I've seen multiple therapist and one psychologist that I actually liked but he asked me if I was ever molested and never went back. I can never follow through for myself. I am horrible taking care of myself also. I never thought I truly hated myself but now I'm not so sure. I can't believe that I'm thinking if I cut myself. I'll be able to finally sleep.. I really shouldn't go down that road again it's been 11 years free of that but idk what to do.. I won't know I'm serious until I do it again. I hope I don't . All I ask is for whoever sees this pray for me. Please pray for me because I feel so fake on the inside. I feel hollow. I just need some strength to keep away from old habits and prayer to get better
Proud of you for reaching out for help. Our HopeCoaches are available 24/7 to chat with you and help you get through this. It's free and it's private - https://www.thehopeline.com/gethelp/ I am praying for you. Please don't give up. We also have a partner site where you can post prayer requests and prayer champions will pray for you, too. http://www.theprayerzone.com/
Dear Alice,
I'm reading this 15 days after you posted. I really hope that you found the strength not to cut. I haven't cut in 25 years, but tonight I was feeling the intense desire to, for many reasons... I just drew on my arms with a pen instead. I think you should go back to that therapist you liked who asked you if you were molested. If you liked that therapist and he picked up on this trauma, go back. Go back and talk. Or maybe he can recommend a female colleague for you to go to. We are turning all the hurt and rage back into and onto ourselves, until it's so overwhelming, we feel that have to cut in order to feel better and release the pain; If we cut, we are letting them hurt us all over again, and they don't get to. They don't get to. They are weak remnants of the past. They are mere ghosts of a past we are dragging along with us and allowing them to hurt us over and over again. Let's not let them. Let's not hurt ourselves. Let's be kind and loving and nurturing to ourselves. Let's be that good Mom we didn't have. The Mom who would hold us and tell us that we are special and good and worth it. Don't hurt yourself, Alice, be your own good Mama. Be the Mama you always needed and wanted, the one who would listen and take action and protect you against the world. I know you would make a great Mama, because I can tell that you are sensitive and kind and you need to be that sensitive and kind Mama to your own inner child. Pretend you were your own child and you expressed everything in your post above- What would you say to that precious and hurt little girl?
Alice, I don't know if you'll ever see this but I want you to know you're not alone. A lot of what you said here is what I wish I could put into words and I have a lot of the same feelings in my life. I'm also 23 and just recently started self harming again and am struggling to fight it. I'm at the place where I know I need to talk to someone but don't trust a therapist or psychiatrist either because of past experiences and where I currently live. Stay strong, know you're not alone and reach out if you ever want to talk.
Alice and Amy, you can chat with a HopeCoach here at TheHopeLine about your struggle with self-harm. We are available 24/7 for you and it is free and totally confidential. We also have some really great resources to help you get through this. Just click the "chat now" button or go to this link https://www.thehopeline.com/gethelp. We care and we understand.
Hi, I'm 20 and I use to cut a lot when I was younger. my legs were tore up and I sometimes cut my fingertips. I just want to say that I stopped at age 17 I had started at age 16 but I recently relapsed and I ask for prayer please . I know it's possible to rise from the ashes of personal despair and fine peace. For the longest time I had that peace. I lost it again but I know in my heart it is attainable . as long as people pray for me I can reach that goal of being back in top form. As long as we pray for each other we will all be back in top form. Brothers and sisters I pray you all find strength as well.thank you for hearing me out and letting me rant online. Loneliness kills man and I'm fighting it epicaly. Please keep me in your prayers.....
That is a huge success! I am so proud of you for working so hard at it. When you feel like cutting you can chat with a HopeCoach. We are here for you 24/7 https://www.thehopeline.com/gethelp/ Again, I just wanna say that's awesome!
I have successfully avoided cutting for last 3 months and I struggle so much these days... Everyday is hard. I tried everything like watching movies, music, calling a friend, exercise daily but my mind keeps saying to me that nothing can make me feel so good as cutting 🙁