In my blog, "How to Quit Cutting for Good", I talked about 3 alternative coping strategies for self-harm: Talk it out, wake up to your actual feelings, and seek God.
Once you decide you're committed to stop cutting, you will find out what a struggle it is to go sober and stay free from this horrible addiction. Even as you are beginning to recover, you still will feel the cravings to cut again. You are going to need to be prepared to know how to deal with those powerful urges. Here are some practical ideas to help you or someone you know be set free.
Stop feeding the cutting monster - wait it out
Every urge you have to cut will go away in time, but only if you don't act on it. Each time you act on your urge to cut, you're making that urge stronger kind of like feeding a monster. Each time you feed the addiction, the more likely you will feel the urge to cut the next time you feel the same emotional pressure. The more you stand against the urge, without giving in, the more your urges will decrease.
Distract yourself from the desire to cut
One of the best ways to stop cutting is by distracting yourself with someone or something else. This will allow the moment to pass when you're feeling the deep cravings to cut and get your mind off of it. It's impossible for your mind to think about two things at the exact same time. Here are some ideas on how to do this.
- Call a friend or meet them in person. Talk about what's comfortable for you. The key is to keep talking.
- Take a shower. This will help invigorate your body so physically it too is distracted. (Make sure there are no razors in the shower).
- Exercise Walk, run, ride your bike, climb, swim, do yoga, etc. While you are exercising, your mind is more likely to think about something other than cutting.
- Play with a pet. Take your dog for a walk.
- Watch television or a non-violent, healthy movie.
- Make yourself a sandwich, drink a glass of water or a cup of hot chocolate.
- Listen to positive music. It will definitely help to change your mood.
- Write in your journal. Learn to express your feelings through writing.
- Create art or some kind of creative hobby.
- Volunteer somewhere like a nursing home, or a hospital. In fact, getting a job will help as well. Some people cut out of sheer boredom.
Natalia put it this way: I still fight the urges, but the way I deal with it is by writing in my journal or talking to my best friend and boyfriend who are currently helping me through this.
The point is: Find something else to do. If none of these ideas are possible at the moment, try finding a substitute for the cutting sensation.
- Rub an ice cube on your skin, instead of cutting.
- Wear a rubber band on your wrist and snap it when you feel the urge.
- Draw on your skin with a red marker or food coloring in the place you would normally cut.
- Put temporary tattoos in the places you have the urge to cut.
Angel said rubber bands have helped her. I've learned that snapping them against your wrist takes away a little bit of the amount to want to cut yourself. Ali said the key for her was she needed something physical to feel like she was still alive, that she was OK. So, I mark a little pink heart on my calendar for every day I don't cut...and believe it or not it helps. Help is possible and stopping is realistic.
Tell your story
The biggest problem with a cutting addiction is it forces you to focus on how YOU are feeling. Stop thinking about yourself so much and focus on other cutters who need your help. The more you can reach out to others, encouraging them to find better ways to express their feelings, the better you will be able to resist your own urges. Courtney said: I'm proud to be able to tell people my story of overcoming my self-destructive behavior. Every day is a struggle, but I always choose to find hope in the darkest situations and fight the urge.
Think About your Future without Cutting and Self-Harm
You have an incredible life ahead of you, filled with many, many years of potential joy and time with people you love, and who love you as well. Think about what you'd like your life to look like in 5, 10, 15 years, and start taking steps to move forward in that direction.
Abby is 25, and she sees hope in her future: If I don't stop cutting, then a lot of the things I want aren't going to work out the way I dream they will.
Cyndal said: I thought about when I have children, and they see the cuts and scars on my arms, and they ask me, 'Mommy what are those booboos on your arms?' That really made me think, 'WOW, what would I tell my children?' And it made me cry for a really long time"
I want to encourage you to be strong like Amanda. She said: It's a challenge every day, but I am fighting to not cut, because I know that my life can be really awesome, and cutting does not fit into that picture. When you feel your emotions building up, remember you now have alternatives to self-harm. Get self-help by talking to someone who cares.
Be strong. There is tremendous hope for you!
I'm 13 and I just started to cut and its scary and everyone around me is trying to help but it makes things harder for me when they are all saying that i just need to not do it because I know that they don't understand how hard it is to stop. Does anyone have advice on how to best explain it to them?
People care, you should know that. i feel how you feel. but people care, if you suggest ways they can help you, they just might get you through all this, and if you do, you could finally learn to have a smile that is'nt fake. -Ryan
Recently, i found out i might be bipolar.. i instantly fell into depression, i cut almost everyday and my friends know that they cant help me through it.. i'm too far gone to realize how twisted my self harm is, i wear sweaters all the time just to hide my scars. i was clean for a whole year but then this just hit me. it hit me just like my parents used to hit me, it hurt and burned like my scars, i was so used to being abused and bruised that i cut just to feel like i have purpose, but this website really helped, i know people who go through self harm, i sent the link to the website to my friend, and i told her we can get through this together... and i know i'm probably too far gone to help, but these are some really helpful things that could have saved me from my self harm. And i don't really know if i can recover, but i just might. if i do reover, i will be sure to come back and tell you how i'm doing -Sincerely, Ryan
I feel like know one cares about me anymore that I'm not needed. I'm the middle child I have a smart sister and a little brother whose 10 months younger than me . So why do they need me they already ignore me. The only thing that likes me in this house is my dog. My parents are always fighting and I use cutting as an excuse to get away from problems. I have depression and sucidal thoughts. It's just m done. Can't take the pain anymore. I've been bullied and called names and how can I be Ok if no one . I'm going down the wrong path and theres no one to stop me anymore from doing the wrong thing my name is Emily and I'm fourteen
I understand how you feel. I too feel like no one cares about me and I have been using cutting to escape my problems. But sometimes people can surprise you. I had a friend who I haven't seen in six years because he moved to Texas but he saw my arm and he cares. I was shocked. There is someone that always cares and I care. I am here if you want to talk. Please know that people care and that eventually things have to get better.
I Have A Friend Who Cuts And I'm Trying To Help Her Quit. Any ADvice?
Sophia, you sound like a really caring friend. Check out these blogs on how to help a friend - https://www.thehopeline.com/what-to-do-if-you-or-a-friend-is-self-harming/ and https://www.thehopeline.com/help-my-friend-is-cutting/
We also have an eBook about self-harm that is free and really helpful - http://info.thehopeline.com/selfharm