In my blog, "How to Quit Cutting for Good", I talked about 3 alternative coping strategies for self-harm: Talk it out, wake up to your actual feelings, and seek God.
Once you decide you're committed to stop cutting, you will find out what a struggle it is to go sober and stay free from this horrible addiction. Even as you are beginning to recover, you still will feel the cravings to cut again. You are going to need to be prepared to know how to deal with those powerful urges. Here are some practical ideas to help you or someone you know be set free.
Stop feeding the cutting monster - wait it out
Every urge you have to cut will go away in time, but only if you don't act on it. Each time you act on your urge to cut, you're making that urge stronger kind of like feeding a monster. Each time you feed the addiction, the more likely you will feel the urge to cut the next time you feel the same emotional pressure. The more you stand against the urge, without giving in, the more your urges will decrease.
Distract yourself from the desire to cut
One of the best ways to stop cutting is by distracting yourself with someone or something else. This will allow the moment to pass when you're feeling the deep cravings to cut and get your mind off of it. It's impossible for your mind to think about two things at the exact same time. Here are some ideas on how to do this.
- Call a friend or meet them in person. Talk about what's comfortable for you. The key is to keep talking.
- Take a shower. This will help invigorate your body so physically it too is distracted. (Make sure there are no razors in the shower).
- Exercise Walk, run, ride your bike, climb, swim, do yoga, etc. While you are exercising, your mind is more likely to think about something other than cutting.
- Play with a pet. Take your dog for a walk.
- Watch television or a non-violent, healthy movie.
- Make yourself a sandwich, drink a glass of water or a cup of hot chocolate.
- Listen to positive music. It will definitely help to change your mood.
- Write in your journal. Learn to express your feelings through writing.
- Create art or some kind of creative hobby.
- Volunteer somewhere like a nursing home, or a hospital. In fact, getting a job will help as well. Some people cut out of sheer boredom.
Natalia put it this way: I still fight the urges, but the way I deal with it is by writing in my journal or talking to my best friend and boyfriend who are currently helping me through this.
The point is: Find something else to do. If none of these ideas are possible at the moment, try finding a substitute for the cutting sensation.
- Rub an ice cube on your skin, instead of cutting.
- Wear a rubber band on your wrist and snap it when you feel the urge.
- Draw on your skin with a red marker or food coloring in the place you would normally cut.
- Put temporary tattoos in the places you have the urge to cut.
Angel said rubber bands have helped her. I've learned that snapping them against your wrist takes away a little bit of the amount to want to cut yourself. Ali said the key for her was she needed something physical to feel like she was still alive, that she was OK. So, I mark a little pink heart on my calendar for every day I don't cut...and believe it or not it helps. Help is possible and stopping is realistic.
Tell your story
The biggest problem with a cutting addiction is it forces you to focus on how YOU are feeling. Stop thinking about yourself so much and focus on other cutters who need your help. The more you can reach out to others, encouraging them to find better ways to express their feelings, the better you will be able to resist your own urges. Courtney said: I'm proud to be able to tell people my story of overcoming my self-destructive behavior. Every day is a struggle, but I always choose to find hope in the darkest situations and fight the urge.
Think About your Future without Cutting and Self-Harm
You have an incredible life ahead of you, filled with many, many years of potential joy and time with people you love, and who love you as well. Think about what you'd like your life to look like in 5, 10, 15 years, and start taking steps to move forward in that direction.
Abby is 25, and she sees hope in her future: If I don't stop cutting, then a lot of the things I want aren't going to work out the way I dream they will.
Cyndal said: I thought about when I have children, and they see the cuts and scars on my arms, and they ask me, 'Mommy what are those booboos on your arms?' That really made me think, 'WOW, what would I tell my children?' And it made me cry for a really long time"
I want to encourage you to be strong like Amanda. She said: It's a challenge every day, but I am fighting to not cut, because I know that my life can be really awesome, and cutting does not fit into that picture. When you feel your emotions building up, remember you now have alternatives to self-harm. Get self-help by talking to someone who cares.
Be strong. There is tremendous hope for you!
I'm 13... I've been cutting for over a year but I haven't been able to find one solution. All this stress and I can't bring a razor to my skin anymore makes it even worse. Idk what to do and none of these work for me I've tried a lot of them. Guess I'm not only a dissapontment to My family but to myself as well
You are not a disappointment to us here at TheHopeLine. We understand struggles, hurt, and disappointments. We are here to listen and to give good advice about how you can move forward. There really is hope! Please chat with a HopeCoach. Just click the "chat now" button or go to this link https://www.thehopeline.com/gethelp
please help, im 15 and i have started cutting since i was 12. i hate disappointing people, and people keep making me snap, i need help, it's like a black hole that wants to eat me up and i feel like i'm going to explode, i cant talk to anyone cause no one understands people who knows just tell me to stop they dont say anything right. and its sad that even the people i live with never notices any of the cuts, and when they do they just say dumb things that makes me angry and i snap so easily please just help, i want to stop it.
There is hope. We have a really great partner that is called "Door of Hope for Cutters" - you can read about them here - https://www.thehopeline.com/5-things-to-know-about-door-of-hope-help-for-self-harm And you can chat with a HopeCoach anytime 24/7 by clicking on the "Chat Now" button. We are here for you and we really do care.
I'm gonna be 24 this year, and recently I got this strong urge to cut myself. The reason is because I want to, it's like an escape, a way to hide what I'm feeling emotionally and to punish myself. Suicidal thoughts and running away is another option of mine. Honestly what I feel is that i crave for the love of a family too much. I tried too much. So whenever I have an argument with my siblings or parents or whenever I made a mistake and my family members including my parent's will treat me coldly hurts me. The thought that my dad will have a bad impression of me is what I worried most. I don't want him to see me as a bad daughter, a useless one, a burden. I came from a big family, I'm the youngest. The age gap is big, I'm not close to either one of them. It feels like whenever I made a mistake, it's always a big issue. I was told I can't do things properly and always doing it halfway even when I honestly forgot about it. Then when one of my siblings made the same mistake, they aren't told off by my parents or anything. I think it's unfair. I tried my best to do what I can at home, most of the chores I'm the one who do it but yet complains never stop. I feel unappreciated. When I see my parents treat my siblings better than me, instead of feeling jealous, I wonder why do they treat their children like that when they too go through unfairness in their family before. After reading through some articles,I guess I'm lucky that I haven't start cutting myself as it might be an addiction later on. But the urge is there, I'm finding it hard to get rid of it. There was once where I argued with my mum. And the fact that my mum just listen to one side of the story and never listen to mine and scolded me drives me crazy. I started crying out loud and I took my laptop battery and hit my head for quite sometime till one of my siblings ask me to stop. I guess I'm too sensitive. Its exhausting and a burden. Life is already tiring itself. I find myseld question what is life. I hope this doesn't come out as self pity. I don't want people to pity me. I'm sharing this because I feel I need help. I need help to gt rid of this feeling before I really start doing it.
I am so glad you are here reaching out for help. That's a lot you are going through in your family. Family relationships can be hurtful at times, but thankfully you don't have to be stuck there. We are here to chat with you, to help you work through these relationships, and to help you find a way out. We will listen and we have resources to help. We are here 24/7 - simply click the "chat now" button.
What should I do. The urge is still there. Kept imagining that I cut myself and maybe I would die. Imagining my dead body lying on the bed. The shock or nonchalant reaction from my family members. I'm thinking is for the best, less burden in the family. The only one not earning at home. Nobody would be complaining about me to my dad. Less stress for him. Im a coward isn't it? Trying to run away from problems through the idea of suicide and running away from home and cutting myself just to feel better. How should I face these cold treatments whenever I made a mistake at home. Im afraid of feeling hurt from the words that come out of their mouth. Im trying to avoid it. There's this feeling in my chest where I'm burying it deep down. I dnt wanna find out
Did you try chatting with one of our HopeCoaches? It is free and confidential and we are here 24/7. Go to this link https://www.thehopeline.com/gethelp or click the "chat now" button. We really do care about you.
Hi, I'm 14 almost 15. I just started cutting last summer but it has gotten worse and I can't seem to stop, I need mess but I'm scared to talk to my mom about it please help what should I do?
I am so glad you posted here and are reaching out for help. My daughter struggled with this, too, at about your age and I was so thankful she opened up to me about it. We were able to talk about other things she was struggling with, too. I imagine your mom would want to know so she can help you. The two of you could read through TheHopeLine® eBook together about self-harm and that could help you talk about it together. Also, you can chat with a HopeCoach anytime 24/7 by clicking the "chat now" button. It is confidential and it is free. Some of our HopeCoaches have even had similar struggles, so they really understand. You are not alone.
I have depression, and i self hamr. I went a month with out cutting and now im cutting again... 🙁