Resisting the Urge to Cut Yourself

In my blog, "How to Quit Cutting for Good", I talked about 3 alternative coping strategies for self-harm: Talk it out, wake up to your actual feelings, and seek God. 

Once you decide you're committed to stop cutting, you will find out what a struggle it is to go sober and stay free from this horrible addiction.  Even as you are beginning to recover, you still will feel the cravings to cut again. You are going to need to be prepared to know how to deal with those powerful urges. Here are some practical ideas to help you or someone you know be set free.

Stop feeding the cutting monster - wait it out

Every urge you have to cut will go away in time, but only if you don't act on it. Each time you act on your urge to cut, you're making that urge stronger kind of like feeding a monster. Each time you feed the addiction, the more likely you will feel the urge to cut the next time you feel the same emotional pressure. The more you stand against the urge, without giving in, the more your urges will decrease.

Distract yourself from the desire to cut

One of the best ways to stop cutting is by distracting yourself with someone or something else. This will allow the moment to pass when you're feeling the deep cravings to cut and get your mind off of it. It's impossible for your mind to think about two things at the exact same time. Here are some ideas on how to do this.

  1. Call a friend or meet them in person. Talk about what's comfortable for you. The key is to keep talking.
  2. Take a shower. This will help invigorate your body so physically it too is distracted. (Make sure there are no razors in the shower).
  3. Exercise Walk, run, ride your bike, climb, swim, do yoga, etc. While you are exercising, your mind is more likely to think about something other than cutting.
  4. Play with a pet. Take your dog for a walk.
  5. Watch television or a non-violent, healthy movie.
  6. Make yourself a sandwich, drink a glass of water or a cup of hot chocolate.
  7. Listen to positive music. It will definitely help to change your mood.
  8. Write in your journal. Learn to express your feelings through writing.
  9. Create art or some kind of creative hobby.
  10. Volunteer somewhere like a nursing home, or a hospital. In fact, getting a job will help as well. Some people cut out of sheer boredom.

Natalia put it this way: I still fight the urges, but the way I deal with it is by writing in my journal or talking to my best friend and boyfriend who are currently helping me through this.

The point is: Find something else to do. If none of these ideas are possible at the moment, try finding a substitute for the cutting sensation.

  1. Rub an ice cube on your skin, instead of cutting.
  2. Wear a rubber band on your wrist and snap it when you feel the urge.
  3. Draw on your skin with a red marker or food coloring in the place you would normally cut.
  4. Put temporary tattoos in the places you have the urge to cut.

Angel said rubber bands have helped her. I've learned that snapping them against your wrist takes away a little bit of the amount to want to cut yourself. Ali said the key for her was she needed something physical to feel like she was still alive, that she was OK. So, I mark a little pink heart on my calendar for every day I don't cut...and believe it or not it helps. Help is possible and stopping is realistic.

Tell your story

The biggest problem with a cutting addiction is it forces you to focus on how YOU are feeling.  Stop thinking about yourself so much and focus on other cutters who need your help.  The more you can reach out to others, encouraging them to find better ways to express their feelings, the better you will be able to resist your own urges. Courtney said: I'm proud to be able to tell people my story of overcoming my self-destructive behavior. Every day is a struggle, but I always choose to find hope in the darkest situations and fight the urge.

Think About your Future without Cutting and Self-Harm

You have an incredible life ahead of you, filled with many, many years of potential joy and time with people you love, and who love you as well. Think about what you'd like your life to look like in 5, 10, 15 years, and start taking steps to move forward in that direction.

Abby is 25, and she sees hope in her future: If I don't stop cutting, then a lot of the things I want aren't going to work out the way I dream they will.

Cyndal said: I thought about when I have children, and they see the cuts and scars on my arms, and they ask me, 'Mommy what are those booboos on your arms?' That really made me think, 'WOW, what would I tell my children?' And it made me cry for a really long time"

I want to encourage you to be strong like Amanda. She said: It's a challenge every day, but I am fighting to not cut, because I know that my life can be really awesome, and cutting does not fit into that picture. When you feel your emotions building up, remember you now have alternatives to self-harm. Get self-help by talking to someone who cares.

Be strong. There is tremendous hope for you!

Dawson McAllister
Dawson McAllister, also known as America's youth pastor, was an author, radio host, speaker, and founder of TheHopeLine. McAllister attended Bethel College in Minnesota for undergraduate work where he graduated in 1968, began graduate studies at Talbot School of Theology in California, and received an honorary doctorate from Biola University.
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297 comments on “Resisting the Urge to Cut Yourself”

  1. Joshua Gatti
    What you said really did kinda have an impact on me. I always wear a sweat shirt, long sleeve shirt or multiple hair ties on my wrist to cover my cuts up. I started cutting when i was 11 and I'm now 14. I still get the urge to cut sometimes but always find a way to stop myself.

  2. I'm 14 and I did cut for 2 years and ive been cut free for 4 mouths and I have never told anyone about it and ive been really wanting to do it lately I know I need help I really want to tell my mom but I'm just to scared shes already really stressed and I don't want her worrying about me but I fell like if I don't tell anyone its going to get worse and I'm going to end up cutting

  3. i am 13 years old and i started cutting today. i am alonein this world. my parents and i mutually hate each other, i have no friends, and i am a bad person. i know i deserve to die, but still i have not committed suicide because i hope that anyone, anyone, will save me. it hurts too much tho and i am seriously depressed. please. save me.

    1. There is so much in life that is waiting for you. You are the artist and life is the canvas. It's scary, I know. The mean kids, the dysfunctional family. Abuse. Mistakes. Hatred and anxiety. But...Here's a secret. Your life is special. There is purpose you need to find, hobbies that make you happy that you need to pursue. A secret calling that only you can find. Everything seems overwhelming and unmanageable. It just takes practice to manage your time and to only focus on things that make you happy in life. No matter how bad things seem. One day you will own a car, maybe a house or you might live on a beach. You get there one step at a time. You are where you need to be to achieve that success one day. What you are going through will make you wildly strong and successful when you grow up. One thing that helps me is music. I constantly listen to it and derive motivation and the power to keep moving forward from it. as Ariel says : "My self hatred never took me where I wanted to go." "You can pick up the pain but can't cut it away." You deserve every thing you want in life but you must fight for it. NO ONE can tell you what you are worth. There is someone who you have not met yet who needs you. Life and fight and find happiness for yourself, your future and for them. Thank you for posting about your feelings and keep doing so. You helped me. Life gets so much better and when you are older you get all the power over your life. And every mistake you .Already right now? No one will remember it eventually. I promise you. Most stuff people for get over a summer break. No matter what happens, know you are meant to live and to be happy. It will come over time and you are not living life wrong. People will always try to tear you down but you will meet people who treasure and value you. I'm closer with my friends than anyone in my family. Things are not like they are on TV, but they can be better if you work at it. I hope this helped. Sorry for the rambling!

    1. Don’t you get it?! That’s how you get out?! The pit of loneliness and pain, there’s a lot of people in that pit so FIND ONE OF THEM and work together to be happier!!!! As someone with multiple suicide attempts of which nobody cared, and as someone who didn’t start having friends until a few months ago, BROKEN PEOPLE MAKE GOOD FRIENDS SO FIND SOME MESSED UP PEOPLE TO BE HAPPY WITH!!!!

  4. Im 14.. I cut every day.. my parents know, They dont care. Im not no pills and im having suicidal thoughts and i attemped suicide last night.. I have no friends to talk to. i cant seek consoling and that costs money. I am in a pit of depression and loneliness.. What do i do.. There is no hope for me..

      1. I try to talk to hope coaches and they just direct me to the suicide lifeline thing. The lines are long and they always give me the same stuff. "we care about you robby, You are not alone.." IF I WASNT ALONE WOULD I BE ASKING FOR HELP OVER THE INTERNET????????????????????????????

        1. Robby, I am really sorry that you felt that talking to the HopeCoach didn't help. I saw that you chatted in about a month ago and it sounds like you are still struggling. I am sorry the HopeCoach did not get a chance to connect you with our partner, Door of Hope. This is their website - http://www.doorofhope4teens.org/home.html
          They have a cutting crisis line and specific help for teens struggling with self-harm. If you need help connecting with them please let me know. I think it has the potential to be a good support system for you.

          1. I keep cutting and atempting suicide, No one would care if i killed myself! I have no friends and my family hates me
            Im hurting myself everyday

          2. That's not true. I don't know that much about you but I care. I hope you know others do to and you should not kill yourself. I have certainly thought about it myself but we have to keep trying and be open to someone caring for us. Because you never know when someone will come along to help you and really care for you. I care too.

          3. Robby... I know how you're feeling. I have no idea how it feels to be that far deep, but I understand the feeling. And I know that no amount of 'you're not alone' or 'just believe me, people care about you' will help. I've been there. My best friend has a problem with cutting as well. She sent me a message once saying that she counted 60 cuts. And I've been going through a huge stage of depression for a long time now myself. Every day, I just feel so left out, and all the friends I used to have abandoned me. But... despite all of this, we have stuff to accomplish on this Earth! Things that WILL - one day - make us cared for. And we just have to keep looking at what we COULD do. And this may or may not click at some point for you, but you just need to power through it. Know that change will come eventually, and for now, just ignore everything except what you need to do to ACHIEVE those things that you want to do.

          4. I have attempted suicide as well and I did it because I felt like nobody cared about me or my feelings. I was cutting, and eventually brought a gun to my head. My only friend told me to think about all the people who do care about you, even if you don't know them and they don't know you.

          5. I'm 24. And I still cut myself. I don't like to talk to people really. But do you want to talk to me ?

    1. I just happened to see this, and I've been struggling a lot recently too. I just want you to know that you really aren't alone, even when it feels like it, and if you ever want to talk we can. As far as what you can do, maybe find a distraction, something to do when you feel like that. For me drawing or writing helps. Also, there are apps like whisper, that you can post anonymously and talk to people. It's really helped me through a lot of hard times.

        1. i will be your friend. i'm 14 and struggling with cutting too. you are loved by way more people than you can imagine. i got called out to the counselor because someone from a distance cares enough and must've seen my wrists to report me. if people saw what was happening to you, they'd do the same. you are loved and you're probably a caring soul. talk to me if you need to. i'll be here and i'll help you out if you need

        2. They don’t hate you. I know that. I feel that now. But don’t give up on other people for help.
          I understand.
          Loneliness hurts.
          I don’t have any real friends. Nobody I can seriously talk with. So hello strangers. This is the first anyone’s heard.
          help me
          I’m sorry. But I need to tell someone. I need to do something to release that feeling that makes me cut. Anything. I can’t do things from the list because urges come when I’m supposed to be sleeping. If anyone finds out... I don’t know. It’s probably good I can only get plastic knives. But they can make scars. I do it in visible places because I don’t even know. I’m sorry for making this long. Even now I’m feeling out about sending this because it’s horribly written and no one wants to hear. sorry

    2. Hi sweetie... I'm a recovering cutter as well. I know it's four months after you posted that, but I hope you're doing better. Just know that while there might not be anyone for you now, there will be soon, or you possibly have people now. There's so many people who understand what you're going through.

    3. Man I understand you. I attempted suicide last year after a sexual assault from my sister. I felt like no one cared about me, I felt dirty and like living was pointless. Then I got help. I went to my school councilor and told them what was going on. I then went to the doctor and got meds they don't always help but they are worth having. Sometimes depression isn't caused by anything. Sometimes there is just a chemical imbalance in your brain. It causes you to believe lies about yourself.
      Just know you are not alone and I love you. Maybe we can text sometime. I know it would help me to have someone to talk to about this stuff.

      1. Victoria, If you are in crisis and need someone to talk to right now, call the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 1.800.273.8255 or chat online with them at http://chat.suicidepreventi... Also, you can contact our partners at Door of Hope for help with cutting at http://www.doorofhope4teens.org. They will help any age to overcome self-harm. Check out their website or email them at doorofhope4teens@gmail.com (answered in 24/48 hrs) You can also text them at 1-803-570-2061 (Alternative No. 914-393-1904) Texting is available Sunday, Tuesday, Thursday 8:30 – 10:30 EST

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