In my blog, "How to Quit Cutting for Good", I talked about 3 alternative coping strategies for self-harm: Talk it out, wake up to your actual feelings, and seek God.
Once you decide you're committed to stop cutting, you will find out what a struggle it is to go sober and stay free from this horrible addiction. Even as you are beginning to recover, you still will feel the cravings to cut again. You are going to need to be prepared to know how to deal with those powerful urges. Here are some practical ideas to help you or someone you know be set free.
Stop feeding the cutting monster - wait it out
Every urge you have to cut will go away in time, but only if you don't act on it. Each time you act on your urge to cut, you're making that urge stronger kind of like feeding a monster. Each time you feed the addiction, the more likely you will feel the urge to cut the next time you feel the same emotional pressure. The more you stand against the urge, without giving in, the more your urges will decrease.
Distract yourself from the desire to cut
One of the best ways to stop cutting is by distracting yourself with someone or something else. This will allow the moment to pass when you're feeling the deep cravings to cut and get your mind off of it. It's impossible for your mind to think about two things at the exact same time. Here are some ideas on how to do this.
- Call a friend or meet them in person. Talk about what's comfortable for you. The key is to keep talking.
- Take a shower. This will help invigorate your body so physically it too is distracted. (Make sure there are no razors in the shower).
- Exercise Walk, run, ride your bike, climb, swim, do yoga, etc. While you are exercising, your mind is more likely to think about something other than cutting.
- Play with a pet. Take your dog for a walk.
- Watch television or a non-violent, healthy movie.
- Make yourself a sandwich, drink a glass of water or a cup of hot chocolate.
- Listen to positive music. It will definitely help to change your mood.
- Write in your journal. Learn to express your feelings through writing.
- Create art or some kind of creative hobby.
- Volunteer somewhere like a nursing home, or a hospital. In fact, getting a job will help as well. Some people cut out of sheer boredom.
Natalia put it this way: I still fight the urges, but the way I deal with it is by writing in my journal or talking to my best friend and boyfriend who are currently helping me through this.
The point is: Find something else to do. If none of these ideas are possible at the moment, try finding a substitute for the cutting sensation.
- Rub an ice cube on your skin, instead of cutting.
- Wear a rubber band on your wrist and snap it when you feel the urge.
- Draw on your skin with a red marker or food coloring in the place you would normally cut.
- Put temporary tattoos in the places you have the urge to cut.
Angel said rubber bands have helped her. I've learned that snapping them against your wrist takes away a little bit of the amount to want to cut yourself. Ali said the key for her was she needed something physical to feel like she was still alive, that she was OK. So, I mark a little pink heart on my calendar for every day I don't cut...and believe it or not it helps. Help is possible and stopping is realistic.
Tell your story
The biggest problem with a cutting addiction is it forces you to focus on how YOU are feeling. Stop thinking about yourself so much and focus on other cutters who need your help. The more you can reach out to others, encouraging them to find better ways to express their feelings, the better you will be able to resist your own urges. Courtney said: I'm proud to be able to tell people my story of overcoming my self-destructive behavior. Every day is a struggle, but I always choose to find hope in the darkest situations and fight the urge.
Think About your Future without Cutting and Self-Harm
You have an incredible life ahead of you, filled with many, many years of potential joy and time with people you love, and who love you as well. Think about what you'd like your life to look like in 5, 10, 15 years, and start taking steps to move forward in that direction.
Abby is 25, and she sees hope in her future: If I don't stop cutting, then a lot of the things I want aren't going to work out the way I dream they will.
Cyndal said: I thought about when I have children, and they see the cuts and scars on my arms, and they ask me, 'Mommy what are those booboos on your arms?' That really made me think, 'WOW, what would I tell my children?' And it made me cry for a really long time"
I want to encourage you to be strong like Amanda. She said: It's a challenge every day, but I am fighting to not cut, because I know that my life can be really awesome, and cutting does not fit into that picture. When you feel your emotions building up, remember you now have alternatives to self-harm. Get self-help by talking to someone who cares.
Be strong. There is tremendous hope for you!
I'm 14 and i have been clean for nearly 3 months i have something to tell you don't cut because it consumes you and takes you away from people that care about you because I used to be a ghost with a beating heart so don't lie to your family be truthful thats what they are there for
I have never been here before, but trying to put words to feelings I typed- "I'm trying not to cut myself" and I came across this website. Obviously I know this impulse is wrong, I don't want to hurt myself, but sometimes it can be hard. Pain is easy sometimes and I often know I deserve it. It's been awhile without cutting, and I was never obsessive about it compared to some. Sometimes It's only because I didn't want toexplain it. Because it's hard to say how I feel an overwhelming stress and hurt that I just want to own it and make it go away long enough to stop it that I'm sitting alone in my garage with a razor blade in front of me trying not to do it. My wife is In bed. I'm tired, distracted with this urge to hit something and scream-but some part says that's selfish and I have no reason to assume I deserve that outright attention.
Maybe it's pride, or a lack of it, but I know I can take pain and in some ways that I deserve it without sympathy. But in these moments I'm the most vulnerable and weak that I can be, and I hate myself for it.
I don't like myself Most of the time, but since I was younger I've tried to change that and be someone's I would like in some small way. I'm really down right now and in these moments I seem to have no one. I've made the mistake of succumbing to this before- I've fallen back into cutting when at my lowest.... And by no means dangerously or obsessively.... Just an outlet for manifesting the pain I can't express of feel enough to expunge. But when I saw my wife with cuts after we had a fight, and realized how it was my fault- how she had seen that I had expressed the hurt with self cutting, AND I thought so absurdly that she didn't know to hide it, hadn't had to explain it, or didn't care to- I realized those cuts were mine. It was my fault and struggle with that. So I sit here in my garage with a razor blade crying and trying to process how I'm feeling and why this isn't the way to make it better. It's been an hour. I'm tired. I just hate being in this place, especially because I know I am objectively fortunate. I'm unemployed- laid off and upset about that, but not unfortunate. I just seem to feel that I deserve the hurt, and the relief might come. But I don't want my wife to see, I dont want to be my worst and most vulnerable self. And I don't want to suicide...( Ha) if only because I don't think I matter enough to warrant hurting others, or that it would make anything better. I want to be the person I so try to be, but these fragil selfish times bring me back to my weakest self. It's a battle with myself to be stronger than this, and what can be scary is that I know much of that supposed strength has been wrapped around my love for my wife and family... And that's why I'm trying not not cut myself. That's why I'm sitting alone grappling with that urge. It's the frustration of that same love for family that brings me low now, and it's what also makes me want to rise above this. I want to say that if I can hurt myself that I can do something for someone else
Is it moments of overwhelming loneliness that triggers this? Cause I'm not particularly sad or hard off, and In Some way it's an urge to vent because I know I can take my own selfInflicted Pain better than any other external type. It's just tough to feel as though I can't make the stress go away and seems so easy to do harm on myself as I so naturally want the physical and mental to align and be done with.
But I haven't cut myself and the razor didn't vent my feelings like when I was younger. I'd have to say it's because of my wife that I didn't, but it's the husband I need to be that is battling against the urge to hate myself.
I came here because I didnt want to cut myself. I can't say roping my self worth around my wife or anyone else doing so for any romantic relationship is without potential issues- but she is a reason for me to be better, and finding those things to love more than myself right now is helping me be less selfish.
I hope someone else might come here, read others posts, and find a reason to not cut yourself too.
I have been using a rubber band it helps a little but some how I managed to almost open a year 6 month old scare
I am Robby white. Im 15 years old I am done with life. I have PTSD, Anorexia, and major Depression. My Girlfriend just broke up with me. I wanna take every single blade to myself and i wanna kill myself. I hate myself so much and i need to die.. no one cares about me, i have zero friends, i have no one in my life now, My whole family hates me.. i need to die.
There is hope for you Robby. It can feel like all darkness in that place in life but the way you feel in this moment is not necessarily the reality of what actually is. Please take the time to chat with us more about this. We would love the chance to walk with you through some strategies and ways to help. Chat at: http://www.TheHopeLine.com/gethelp.
You are very valuable Robby. Please don't commit suicide. I know I don't know you but it breaks my heart to see other people hurting. You are not alone, I cut too and I am praying for you. No season can last forever, I promise. I love you and I know that you have a great future ahead of you. Please don't give up, Jesus is there for you and even when it feels like no one else is, he is. I don't know if you are a believer or not, but I encourage you to have hope, it's going to be okay!
hey, you still there? id love to talk
I have been cutting since I was in the 4th grade, I dont want to do it anymore, but seek help. As a matter of fact though you dont think you have friends you do. I dont personaly know you but you have friends, and even if you dont feel like you do, talk to a trusted adult. I have been so close to commiting suicide 2 times and I have two friends that knows what I am going through and both of them pick up the phone no matter what. If it is to ask a question for school or if it is to talk about my feelings and them trying to help me stop thinking about cutting. You matter. Wheather you think so or not, there are people that love you, and care for you, and think that you matter. SO there is always another way for different people. My way is talking to people that I trust, and i still cut... but that means that my way isnt working...Find a way.. There is hope....always hope....for everyone that feels like this
Thank you for reaching out. We are here to listen and help. We have a partner that will help you with the need to self-harm.
• You can text them at at 1-803-570-2061 (Alternative No. 914-393-1904) Texting is available Sunday, Tuesday, Thursday 8:30 – 10:30 EST.
• Their website is http://www.doorofhope4teens.org.
• You can email them to doorofhope4teens@gmail.com (answered in 24/48 hrs)
If you ever feel so overwhelmed you can’t go on, please call:
• The National Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 1.800.273.8255
• Or Chat with them at https://suicidepreventionlifeline.org/chat/
• Or Crisis Text Line 27/7 by texting “Start” to 741-741
• Here is a list of additional suicide prevention resources https://www.thehopeline.com/suicide-prevention-resources.
Take a chance and reach out to Door of Hope for help. You will be glad you did. They have helped many teens and young adults we have sent them overcome self-harm.
Stay Strong…We Believe in You!
Find one person. One person is all you need. One person who cares. If anything happened to her I would kill myself, but if I never met her, I’d already be dead. Find your her.
Robby White, please ik it must absolutely suck to feel this down about yourself and your ex clearly doesn't understand how horrible it feels. Ik from personal experience that self hamrning is never the answer or suicide yu have so much waiting for you so please please don't go. The world needs people like you who have their own personal problems and are willing to open up and share but what are yu going to do when people see and ask and question, my school found out because a girl told them and I love this girl she is my bestfriend and without her I wouldn't be here today livin, breathing, loving, if yu ever have the urge to self harm hold and ice cube and count to 20 it helps trust me x
I'm 15 an I badly want to cut/slice ny skin up; my head, my legs, my chest, my arms. Im losing my mind resisting this urges. When I try to seek help they only tell me that im being dramatic. Im starting to lose myself
Please chat with a HopeCoach as soon as possible. We can help you get through this and we have some really great support resources. SO proud of you for trying to resist the urge and for seeking help. We are here for you and we really understand how tough it is - https://www.thehopeline.com/gethelp
All chats are free and totally confidential. Chat is open 24/7.