In my blog, "How to Quit Cutting for Good", I talked about 3 alternative coping strategies for self-harm: Talk it out, wake up to your actual feelings, and seek God.
Once you decide you're committed to stop cutting, you will find out what a struggle it is to go sober and stay free from this horrible addiction. Even as you are beginning to recover, you still will feel the cravings to cut again. You are going to need to be prepared to know how to deal with those powerful urges. Here are some practical ideas to help you or someone you know be set free.
Stop feeding the cutting monster - wait it out
Every urge you have to cut will go away in time, but only if you don't act on it. Each time you act on your urge to cut, you're making that urge stronger kind of like feeding a monster. Each time you feed the addiction, the more likely you will feel the urge to cut the next time you feel the same emotional pressure. The more you stand against the urge, without giving in, the more your urges will decrease.
Distract yourself from the desire to cut
One of the best ways to stop cutting is by distracting yourself with someone or something else. This will allow the moment to pass when you're feeling the deep cravings to cut and get your mind off of it. It's impossible for your mind to think about two things at the exact same time. Here are some ideas on how to do this.
- Call a friend or meet them in person. Talk about what's comfortable for you. The key is to keep talking.
- Take a shower. This will help invigorate your body so physically it too is distracted. (Make sure there are no razors in the shower).
- Exercise Walk, run, ride your bike, climb, swim, do yoga, etc. While you are exercising, your mind is more likely to think about something other than cutting.
- Play with a pet. Take your dog for a walk.
- Watch television or a non-violent, healthy movie.
- Make yourself a sandwich, drink a glass of water or a cup of hot chocolate.
- Listen to positive music. It will definitely help to change your mood.
- Write in your journal. Learn to express your feelings through writing.
- Create art or some kind of creative hobby.
- Volunteer somewhere like a nursing home, or a hospital. In fact, getting a job will help as well. Some people cut out of sheer boredom.
Natalia put it this way: I still fight the urges, but the way I deal with it is by writing in my journal or talking to my best friend and boyfriend who are currently helping me through this.
The point is: Find something else to do. If none of these ideas are possible at the moment, try finding a substitute for the cutting sensation.
- Rub an ice cube on your skin, instead of cutting.
- Wear a rubber band on your wrist and snap it when you feel the urge.
- Draw on your skin with a red marker or food coloring in the place you would normally cut.
- Put temporary tattoos in the places you have the urge to cut.
Angel said rubber bands have helped her. I've learned that snapping them against your wrist takes away a little bit of the amount to want to cut yourself. Ali said the key for her was she needed something physical to feel like she was still alive, that she was OK. So, I mark a little pink heart on my calendar for every day I don't cut...and believe it or not it helps. Help is possible and stopping is realistic.
Tell your story
The biggest problem with a cutting addiction is it forces you to focus on how YOU are feeling. Stop thinking about yourself so much and focus on other cutters who need your help. The more you can reach out to others, encouraging them to find better ways to express their feelings, the better you will be able to resist your own urges. Courtney said: I'm proud to be able to tell people my story of overcoming my self-destructive behavior. Every day is a struggle, but I always choose to find hope in the darkest situations and fight the urge.
Think About your Future without Cutting and Self-Harm
You have an incredible life ahead of you, filled with many, many years of potential joy and time with people you love, and who love you as well. Think about what you'd like your life to look like in 5, 10, 15 years, and start taking steps to move forward in that direction.
Abby is 25, and she sees hope in her future: If I don't stop cutting, then a lot of the things I want aren't going to work out the way I dream they will.
Cyndal said: I thought about when I have children, and they see the cuts and scars on my arms, and they ask me, 'Mommy what are those booboos on your arms?' That really made me think, 'WOW, what would I tell my children?' And it made me cry for a really long time"
I want to encourage you to be strong like Amanda. She said: It's a challenge every day, but I am fighting to not cut, because I know that my life can be really awesome, and cutting does not fit into that picture. When you feel your emotions building up, remember you now have alternatives to self-harm. Get self-help by talking to someone who cares.
Be strong. There is tremendous hope for you!
I'm 13, my parents are "married" and living in the same house but they hate each other. My mom's having an affair with some guy she claims to work with, she didn't even tell me I just accidentally found out. I've cut myself before that my parents didn't know about, but I usually punch myself or hit myself. Cutting just seems to obvious. I'm homeschooled and take taekwondo but it doesn't seem to help. My mom screams and calls me swears constantly, my dad barely talks to me. My friends pretend to care but never ask how I am or if I wanna talk they just care about "more important things"
I wanna kill myself
Ari, We hear your pain and the struggle you are going through with your parents. It's good that you have reached out to tell your story and to get help. We have a partner that can help you with the cutting. They are Door of Hope4 Teens and their website is http://www.doorofhope4teens.org . You can email them at doorofhope4teens@gmail.com (answered in 24/48 hrs) for help or you can text them at 1-803-570-2061 (Alternative No. 914-393-1904) available Sunday, Tuesday, Thursday 8:30 – 10:30 EST. Please reach out to them and let us know how you are doing.
I'm only 12 and will become 13 in a week. I've had the erge to cut recently. I keep thinking about doing it every night but I'm too scared. My parents divorced when I wasn't even 2, my step mom is a ____, and so is my step sister. My life s just bad. The erge wont go away until I try it, it's happened before. I just need help or just someone to talk to. None of my friends will listen or they will just think I'm depressed. I don't know what to do...
Kathryn, We are sorry you are going through this and are glad you're reaching out for help about your urge to cut. We have a great partner that will help you through this time in your life. They are called:
Door of Hope4 Teens.
Website: http://www.doorofhope4teens.org.
Email: doorofhope4teens@gmail.com (answered in 24/48 hrs)
Texting: 1-803-570-2061 (Alternative No. 914-393-1904)
OPEN: Sunday, Tuesday, Thursday 8:30 – 10:30 EST
I have been cutting for about 8 months need and it's started to get really bad. I do it and once I start it's like I can't stop making cuts until I exhaust myself (I tend to cut at night because I can fight off the urge in the daytime by surrounding myself with people) I told 2 people last month and both told me I could go to them if I wanted help but they've put me off the last five times I've hit a weak point and reached out. I'm starting to give up, I don't want a life where my only purpose is to hurt myself. I'm debating on whether to take my life or not.
I'm 28 and I have been cutting for 14 years tomorrow I meet with a self harm therapist but I cut to relieve emotional pain and because I feel like I'm not good enough
sometimes i dont know why i insulted myself harder than other people that make me want to take my own life but considering that i have a lot of thing mybe i save it later so i used that opportunity to cut myself a lot!because i feel so insecure with humans around me so i coped to myself only .yeah all people will eventually die in a time!and i feel that if i ended my own life i would more lamely because i have nothing to prove when iam alive ,everytime when iam in stable condition,i always try the best to make positive thing while iam still alive so that little by lttle it would change something! eventhough it just stand for a minute i think it's fine?!