In my blog, "How to Quit Cutting for Good", I talked about 3 alternative coping strategies for self-harm: Talk it out, wake up to your actual feelings, and seek God.
Once you decide you're committed to stop cutting, you will find out what a struggle it is to go sober and stay free from this horrible addiction. Even as you are beginning to recover, you still will feel the cravings to cut again. You are going to need to be prepared to know how to deal with those powerful urges. Here are some practical ideas to help you or someone you know be set free.
Stop feeding the cutting monster - wait it out
Every urge you have to cut will go away in time, but only if you don't act on it. Each time you act on your urge to cut, you're making that urge stronger kind of like feeding a monster. Each time you feed the addiction, the more likely you will feel the urge to cut the next time you feel the same emotional pressure. The more you stand against the urge, without giving in, the more your urges will decrease.
Distract yourself from the desire to cut
One of the best ways to stop cutting is by distracting yourself with someone or something else. This will allow the moment to pass when you're feeling the deep cravings to cut and get your mind off of it. It's impossible for your mind to think about two things at the exact same time. Here are some ideas on how to do this.
- Call a friend or meet them in person. Talk about what's comfortable for you. The key is to keep talking.
- Take a shower. This will help invigorate your body so physically it too is distracted. (Make sure there are no razors in the shower).
- Exercise Walk, run, ride your bike, climb, swim, do yoga, etc. While you are exercising, your mind is more likely to think about something other than cutting.
- Play with a pet. Take your dog for a walk.
- Watch television or a non-violent, healthy movie.
- Make yourself a sandwich, drink a glass of water or a cup of hot chocolate.
- Listen to positive music. It will definitely help to change your mood.
- Write in your journal. Learn to express your feelings through writing.
- Create art or some kind of creative hobby.
- Volunteer somewhere like a nursing home, or a hospital. In fact, getting a job will help as well. Some people cut out of sheer boredom.
Natalia put it this way: I still fight the urges, but the way I deal with it is by writing in my journal or talking to my best friend and boyfriend who are currently helping me through this.
The point is: Find something else to do. If none of these ideas are possible at the moment, try finding a substitute for the cutting sensation.
- Rub an ice cube on your skin, instead of cutting.
- Wear a rubber band on your wrist and snap it when you feel the urge.
- Draw on your skin with a red marker or food coloring in the place you would normally cut.
- Put temporary tattoos in the places you have the urge to cut.
Angel said rubber bands have helped her. I've learned that snapping them against your wrist takes away a little bit of the amount to want to cut yourself. Ali said the key for her was she needed something physical to feel like she was still alive, that she was OK. So, I mark a little pink heart on my calendar for every day I don't cut...and believe it or not it helps. Help is possible and stopping is realistic.
Tell your story
The biggest problem with a cutting addiction is it forces you to focus on how YOU are feeling. Stop thinking about yourself so much and focus on other cutters who need your help. The more you can reach out to others, encouraging them to find better ways to express their feelings, the better you will be able to resist your own urges. Courtney said: I'm proud to be able to tell people my story of overcoming my self-destructive behavior. Every day is a struggle, but I always choose to find hope in the darkest situations and fight the urge.
Think About your Future without Cutting and Self-Harm
You have an incredible life ahead of you, filled with many, many years of potential joy and time with people you love, and who love you as well. Think about what you'd like your life to look like in 5, 10, 15 years, and start taking steps to move forward in that direction.
Abby is 25, and she sees hope in her future: If I don't stop cutting, then a lot of the things I want aren't going to work out the way I dream they will.
Cyndal said: I thought about when I have children, and they see the cuts and scars on my arms, and they ask me, 'Mommy what are those booboos on your arms?' That really made me think, 'WOW, what would I tell my children?' And it made me cry for a really long time"
I want to encourage you to be strong like Amanda. She said: It's a challenge every day, but I am fighting to not cut, because I know that my life can be really awesome, and cutting does not fit into that picture. When you feel your emotions building up, remember you now have alternatives to self-harm. Get self-help by talking to someone who cares.
Be strong. There is tremendous hope for you!
i'm 14 and i've been having mental health issues + suicidal ideation since 7th grade, it's just been getting so bad lately and i started cutting 2 months ago. i try to do it as little as possible because of fear that my classmates will find out but today got so overwhelming, i had a nervous breakdown in swim practice today and all i could think about afterwards was the razor i keep in a little personal box. i have it on my desk right now but i tried this advice using the ice on my wrist and i feel a little better, thank you so much.
i feel like such a disappointment. i've been walking on a fine tightrope for the past months and it feels like everything's toppling over for some reason. i snapped at my best friend, i can't focus on assignments anymore, i can no longer do the things i love most. my family gives me support and all but that sometimes makes it even worse because they don't know how i feel and i'm too scared to muster the courage to tell them about it. i don't deserve any of the love and affection they give me, they're only going to end up wishing they never gave it to me in the first place.
i hate myself and have been consistently for the past weeks. i can't do anything right and am mediocre at best at the things i can. i know it's wrong to assume so but i can't help but think my friends are inwardly repulsed at my entire existence, so much that i've made it a habit to obsess over what i could have done wrong that could have jeopardised my friendships with the ones i love.
i'm not getting help or anything even though i feel like i desperately need it because i'm so, so scared to talk about it with my parents. something tells me they wouldn't understand or listen to what i say because they've got their minds all wrapped up on how i'm doing at school or swim. i tried to tell my mom about how i wanted to stay home from school tomorrow partially due to my nervous breakdown in swim but also i've just been feeling really bad in general, and the only thing she could think of as to why was this chemistry quiz i might have failed. i don't tell her anything anymore, i love her so much but i can't bring myself to open up to her because i don't want her to worry any more than she should about me. i want her to stay convinced that i have everything under control even when everything's falling apart. more importantly i want her to stay proud of me and stay unaware of the true disappointment i am.
so yeah, i guess those are what drove me to nearly cut, funny how they're all from my own head. ig i should say thank you to this site for keeping me from actually self-harming, at least for the moment and i hope everyone on here could recover at some point in their lives <3 it's a long and hard journey but i'm pretty sure it's gonna be worth it in the end
Angie, You are not alone in what you're going through. We are proud of you for reaching out and talking about how you're feeling. We have a partner that will help you with self-harm. Their website is doorofhope4teens.org. Check out their website or email them at doorofhope4teens@gmail.com (answered in 24/48 hrs) You can also text them at 1-803-570-2061 (Alternative No. 914-393-1904) Texting is available Sunday, Tuesday, Thursday 8:30 – 10:30 EST They have talked to many teens and young adults facing self -harm and issues like you are facing. Please reach out to them.
I started cutting myself when I was 14, then I was hospitalized, and when I got out I started cutting even worse. I would do it at home or at school I would find something, anything to hurt myself with. After a while I started to feel like they were beautiful. People always tell you it gets better and it’s true, but better is subjective. I’m 20 now, and it’s been years since I last cut myself but it’s something that still comes to mind when I’m having a really hard time (which is how I ended up here)
I am the mother of a cutter. I don't know what to do for her. I have her in counseling. We have seen a psychiatrist. I want to teach her how to cope effectively. I want to ask the cutters out there what you wish someone would do for you? What would make you stop. She lost her father at a young age. She is shy. She never talked about it and never grieved. She has a loving family that adores her. She has been in church all her life and knows that God loves her. We all want to help her! How can you prove to a cutter that you love them and teach them to love and respect their body? I spend every moment that I am not working with my child. She is not neglected. She has everything I wish I had as a teen. A car, nice clothes, cool stuff. I support every hobby she comes up with. I can't give her back the father she lost... How can I show her that I love her? Why is my love not enough to get her through this pain?
Jenny, Hopefully, some people that have had struggles with self-harm will answer some of the questions you are asking them. We wanted to let you now about a partner resource we have that may help you with some answers, as well. Their website is http://www.doorofhope4teens.org. You can email doorofhope4teens@gmail.com they will answer within 24/48 hours. They also have a text line that your daughter may like to use for help it is 1-803-570-2061 (Alternative No. 914-393-1904) Texting is available Sunday, Tuesday, Thursday 8:30 – 10:30 EST
I haven't cut in almost 10 years. The urge lately is overwhelming. Usually I think about it and move on not today I couldn't move on. Today I had a knife in my hand and almost cut. I threw the knife away and didn't do it but it really scares me how close I came. I'm hurting so much and I don't even know why. I feel like I'm losing my mind. Its crazy how badly I want to cut after so long. The urge truley never goes away
I hate myself every time i cut but i cant help it. Ive attempted suicide so many times that i lost count. I have ptsd, severe depression, insomnia, and eating dissorders. I literally lost all hope.
Aly, We are so sorry you are going through this. We have a partner that will help you with this at http://www.doorofhope4teens.org. They will help any age to overcome self-harm. Check out their website or email them at doorofhope4teens@gmail.com (answered in 24/48 hrs) You can also text them at 1-803-570-2061 (Alternative No. 914-393-1904) Texting is available Sunday, Tuesday, Thursday 8:30 – 10:30 EST