In my blog, "How to Quit Cutting for Good", I talked about 3 alternative coping strategies for self-harm: Talk it out, wake up to your actual feelings, and seek God.
Once you decide you're committed to stop cutting, you will find out what a struggle it is to go sober and stay free from this horrible addiction. Even as you are beginning to recover, you still will feel the cravings to cut again. You are going to need to be prepared to know how to deal with those powerful urges. Here are some practical ideas to help you or someone you know be set free.
Stop feeding the cutting monster - wait it out
Every urge you have to cut will go away in time, but only if you don't act on it. Each time you act on your urge to cut, you're making that urge stronger kind of like feeding a monster. Each time you feed the addiction, the more likely you will feel the urge to cut the next time you feel the same emotional pressure. The more you stand against the urge, without giving in, the more your urges will decrease.
Distract yourself from the desire to cut
One of the best ways to stop cutting is by distracting yourself with someone or something else. This will allow the moment to pass when you're feeling the deep cravings to cut and get your mind off of it. It's impossible for your mind to think about two things at the exact same time. Here are some ideas on how to do this.
- Call a friend or meet them in person. Talk about what's comfortable for you. The key is to keep talking.
- Take a shower. This will help invigorate your body so physically it too is distracted. (Make sure there are no razors in the shower).
- Exercise Walk, run, ride your bike, climb, swim, do yoga, etc. While you are exercising, your mind is more likely to think about something other than cutting.
- Play with a pet. Take your dog for a walk.
- Watch television or a non-violent, healthy movie.
- Make yourself a sandwich, drink a glass of water or a cup of hot chocolate.
- Listen to positive music. It will definitely help to change your mood.
- Write in your journal. Learn to express your feelings through writing.
- Create art or some kind of creative hobby.
- Volunteer somewhere like a nursing home, or a hospital. In fact, getting a job will help as well. Some people cut out of sheer boredom.
Natalia put it this way: I still fight the urges, but the way I deal with it is by writing in my journal or talking to my best friend and boyfriend who are currently helping me through this.
The point is: Find something else to do. If none of these ideas are possible at the moment, try finding a substitute for the cutting sensation.
- Rub an ice cube on your skin, instead of cutting.
- Wear a rubber band on your wrist and snap it when you feel the urge.
- Draw on your skin with a red marker or food coloring in the place you would normally cut.
- Put temporary tattoos in the places you have the urge to cut.
Angel said rubber bands have helped her. I've learned that snapping them against your wrist takes away a little bit of the amount to want to cut yourself. Ali said the key for her was she needed something physical to feel like she was still alive, that she was OK. So, I mark a little pink heart on my calendar for every day I don't cut...and believe it or not it helps. Help is possible and stopping is realistic.
Tell your story
The biggest problem with a cutting addiction is it forces you to focus on how YOU are feeling. Stop thinking about yourself so much and focus on other cutters who need your help. The more you can reach out to others, encouraging them to find better ways to express their feelings, the better you will be able to resist your own urges. Courtney said: I'm proud to be able to tell people my story of overcoming my self-destructive behavior. Every day is a struggle, but I always choose to find hope in the darkest situations and fight the urge.
Think About your Future without Cutting and Self-Harm
You have an incredible life ahead of you, filled with many, many years of potential joy and time with people you love, and who love you as well. Think about what you'd like your life to look like in 5, 10, 15 years, and start taking steps to move forward in that direction.
Abby is 25, and she sees hope in her future: If I don't stop cutting, then a lot of the things I want aren't going to work out the way I dream they will.
Cyndal said: I thought about when I have children, and they see the cuts and scars on my arms, and they ask me, 'Mommy what are those booboos on your arms?' That really made me think, 'WOW, what would I tell my children?' And it made me cry for a really long time"
I want to encourage you to be strong like Amanda. She said: It's a challenge every day, but I am fighting to not cut, because I know that my life can be really awesome, and cutting does not fit into that picture. When you feel your emotions building up, remember you now have alternatives to self-harm. Get self-help by talking to someone who cares.
Be strong. There is tremendous hope for you!
I'm 13 and I've never cut before but today I had serious urges to take the scissors and start cutting. I've had depression for a few months, and I have anxiety. I don't k ow what to do. Every time it goes away, it keeps coming back later on. I feel like none of my friends actually care about me and no one would care if I were gone.
I started cutting when i was 11, i only cut for about 7 months before my mom bought me short sleeved clothes and i knew that i couldn't hide my scars forever, and lies about my cat or dog wouldn't last long. It has been about 4 months since i was determined to stop, but it has been really hard because when i started cutting i would only cut once a day, but then as it got worse i cut on my arms and stomach, and it has been really hard even though i haven't made a mark in about 2 months. i still get really bad urges and wonder what would happen if i actually told someone that i need help. I dont think that it would go over well because my parents dont even know i have depresion, and i know that none of my friends would care. I just wish there was some way to stop quickly. ):
Sonya, I care. I've been cutting myself since I was about that age as well...I did it a few times a day and it only kept getting worse.I started cutting my entire arms both arms as well as my thighs...Yesterday I had the biggest urge to cut myself again and I did so...this time I cut my stomach.
I cut deep this time, deeper than I ever have and it scared me...but gave me adrenaline and a high that I enjoyed...but then after a few hours It really started to hurt but it felt good because every time I had the urge I would just put pressure on the cuts and that would do me over until I could go home and cut...I rarely brought a instrument to cut myself with so I'd always wait until I got home.
My parents found out that I had done this at the age of 13 and tried to get me help...tried to have me talk to a priest...but they just didn't understand...none of them did. It made things worse. But there have been very few who do understand. Like people who cut themselves and have experience with it.
It's sort of an addiction. Cutting comes with a nice enjoyable high that only lasts for a while.Then you become guilty because you can't tell anyone and if you did how would they react right.
I still cut myself and I'm scared because I don't want to stop.
I am so sorry about this. If you ever need help, I’ll be here to talk.
I seem to be older than most of the commenters before me but I have cut off and on for the last 10 years 🙁 I struggle everyday and give in most days. I have tried other coping skills or distractions but the only thing that helps is spending time with my best friend but now she is in jail and I'm lost without her :'( I don't know that I'll ever be able to stop. The urge is too strong
I too am older than most commenters as well and know what you are going through. I'm 28 and have been cutting since I was 16. I've seeked professional help, but it hasn't stopped the urges. It did help reduce the number of times I cut. I find it helpful to try to take deep breathes, count slowly (sometimes i count to 10, sometimes I make it to the 50's) and re-evaluate the situation at hand. I ask myself is cutting going to really be a solution to my problem. Will it change things? And sometimes it helps, sometimes it doesn't. Good luck and I wish you the best.
im about to be 28 too and ive been cutting since i was 14, since i was 21ish ive managed to only do it a few times a year under great moments of stress an depression. ive really tried to work on not letting my moods overtake me, understanding bad days come and go and have found ways to distract myself and get away from anything sharp if i feel that urge. within the past 3 years ive gotten even better to where it only happens about once every year, i still can't believe i struggle with this at 27. I did it today, worse than i've done in years, i was just so frustrated, angry, and raging from a fight i had just had with my boyfriend, he had hung up on me and i was feeling so alone, being so self critical and harsh, just making myself feel so pathetic and gross, and i lost it on myself, punishing myself on both calfs. i certainly calmed down after i did it, but when i "came to" i couldnt believe i had lost myself so much in my feelings, and the damage i had done. Its embarrassing, im supposed to be a grown ass adult, but i still feel so weak and wrapped up in my emotions sometimes, but i do feel like its unacceptable. im super harsh on myself and others at times, but def. more myself. heres what i hate the most about still doing this even if its seldom.:
*after ive cut i know at some point my boyfriend will see what ive done and he'll be appalled and disgusted, and ill have to explain myself
*hiding the cuts from my mom and family and hoping they dont see them and try to ask if i need help
*making sure the scars are always covered/hidden until i can get them to fade with scar creams
*still doing this as an adult makes me feel so immature and low..the quick satisfying feeling is always replaced with a feelin of wtf is wrong with you? your not supposed to still be doing this. why is it i cant be a grown up and handle my emotions properly?
its embarrassing.
*not being able to say ive gone a year without cutting
what do others do to help not be so harsh on themselves? like i just feel so low that i still can not be done for good with cutting.
I am 13 i started cutting last year when i was 12 i was doing as i was getting bullied stupid me i did it kn my arm and a teacher found out i started doing ut on my shoulders the urges come and go but my mate eric has been stoping me i aska friend at school if theg look bad he curses at me when i do and tells me i am beatiful we r notexactly great friends but be is there he belped me through hafdtimes and when he thinks i am down at school he will come and knock for me to distract me he kniws what i am like nd he knows hows to stop me i am not aloud to be friends with hi apparentky cuz his best friend hates me but he does not care he is aleys there fore me i did start and do the rubber band and then drawring i staryed writting songs on my arm and now rub ice cubes when i needto but the urges slowly go x
Hi. I don't cut, mostly, I use scratching, pinching, punching and well anything I can that doesn't leave a really noticeable mark and that still gives me the relief from the pain. I have made it four hours without cutting, punching, flicking or anything else and It's hard, really hard. I'm trying, I almost threw away my razor though. during the daytime, I feel happy, I laugh at jokes, I smile then during the night, at 3am when I'm all alone in the darkness, the urge rises, the urge to grab whatever is closet and inflict pain. I'm trying to stop but I don't know If I can, I just wanted to wish good luck to all those trying to quit out there.
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