In my blog, "How to Quit Cutting for Good", I talked about 3 alternative coping strategies for self-harm: Talk it out, wake up to your actual feelings, and seek God.
Once you decide you're committed to stop cutting, you will find out what a struggle it is to go sober and stay free from this horrible addiction. Even as you are beginning to recover, you still will feel the cravings to cut again. You are going to need to be prepared to know how to deal with those powerful urges. Here are some practical ideas to help you or someone you know be set free.
Stop feeding the cutting monster - wait it out
Every urge you have to cut will go away in time, but only if you don't act on it. Each time you act on your urge to cut, you're making that urge stronger kind of like feeding a monster. Each time you feed the addiction, the more likely you will feel the urge to cut the next time you feel the same emotional pressure. The more you stand against the urge, without giving in, the more your urges will decrease.
Distract yourself from the desire to cut
One of the best ways to stop cutting is by distracting yourself with someone or something else. This will allow the moment to pass when you're feeling the deep cravings to cut and get your mind off of it. It's impossible for your mind to think about two things at the exact same time. Here are some ideas on how to do this.
- Call a friend or meet them in person. Talk about what's comfortable for you. The key is to keep talking.
- Take a shower. This will help invigorate your body so physically it too is distracted. (Make sure there are no razors in the shower).
- Exercise Walk, run, ride your bike, climb, swim, do yoga, etc. While you are exercising, your mind is more likely to think about something other than cutting.
- Play with a pet. Take your dog for a walk.
- Watch television or a non-violent, healthy movie.
- Make yourself a sandwich, drink a glass of water or a cup of hot chocolate.
- Listen to positive music. It will definitely help to change your mood.
- Write in your journal. Learn to express your feelings through writing.
- Create art or some kind of creative hobby.
- Volunteer somewhere like a nursing home, or a hospital. In fact, getting a job will help as well. Some people cut out of sheer boredom.
Natalia put it this way: I still fight the urges, but the way I deal with it is by writing in my journal or talking to my best friend and boyfriend who are currently helping me through this.
The point is: Find something else to do. If none of these ideas are possible at the moment, try finding a substitute for the cutting sensation.
- Rub an ice cube on your skin, instead of cutting.
- Wear a rubber band on your wrist and snap it when you feel the urge.
- Draw on your skin with a red marker or food coloring in the place you would normally cut.
- Put temporary tattoos in the places you have the urge to cut.
Angel said rubber bands have helped her. I've learned that snapping them against your wrist takes away a little bit of the amount to want to cut yourself. Ali said the key for her was she needed something physical to feel like she was still alive, that she was OK. So, I mark a little pink heart on my calendar for every day I don't cut...and believe it or not it helps. Help is possible and stopping is realistic.
Tell your story
The biggest problem with a cutting addiction is it forces you to focus on how YOU are feeling. Stop thinking about yourself so much and focus on other cutters who need your help. The more you can reach out to others, encouraging them to find better ways to express their feelings, the better you will be able to resist your own urges. Courtney said: I'm proud to be able to tell people my story of overcoming my self-destructive behavior. Every day is a struggle, but I always choose to find hope in the darkest situations and fight the urge.
Think About your Future without Cutting and Self-Harm
You have an incredible life ahead of you, filled with many, many years of potential joy and time with people you love, and who love you as well. Think about what you'd like your life to look like in 5, 10, 15 years, and start taking steps to move forward in that direction.
Abby is 25, and she sees hope in her future: If I don't stop cutting, then a lot of the things I want aren't going to work out the way I dream they will.
Cyndal said: I thought about when I have children, and they see the cuts and scars on my arms, and they ask me, 'Mommy what are those booboos on your arms?' That really made me think, 'WOW, what would I tell my children?' And it made me cry for a really long time"
I want to encourage you to be strong like Amanda. She said: It's a challenge every day, but I am fighting to not cut, because I know that my life can be really awesome, and cutting does not fit into that picture. When you feel your emotions building up, remember you now have alternatives to self-harm. Get self-help by talking to someone who cares.
Be strong. There is tremendous hope for you!
Hello Kara, I am 48 and fighting the urge to cut myself now. I started cutting at 11 when my world was left from perfect and I had all these emotions that I couldnt deal with. I quit cutting at 28 and have not cut myself until a month ago, going through a divorce which I filed for but did not want. I was married `13 years and have a way of puushing people and pushing until I have no one left to care. I love my husband very much and now he is cold, distant and wont come back home. All this pain i have and I cant express it, I just know I am hurting and feel like I have hurt everyone around me and deserve the pain. My cutting episodes this past week has left my arm scared top to bottom and my legs, people look at you like your crazy or call you crazy but they dont understand the overwhelming urge to take that emotional pain away by hurting yourself. I understand all to well but I will promise you i will resist the urge if you will
I'm 25 and I've dealt with burning and cutting since the age of 11. I can go long periods without even an urge, the longest being 3 years. I still get an urge when things hit rock bottom. I do well to not go through with it because I couldn't imagine my son catching me in the act. It has been a little over a year since I went through with a cut. It's really hard and I've been struggling lately even more. I just lost my job, I'm afraid I'll lose everything and because of my son's daycare schedule finding a job that fits is not easy. I pray that God is just testing me and this is part of the test. I feel like a failure. I brought a beautiful innocent child into a broken home and terrible world. I do my best as a single mother but I have many faults. I get angry with him and I just sometimes feel like he would be so much better off with a family, whole family, that can provide for him things I probably never will. I'm really trying not to sink back into the darkness and find the light but I just don't know what to do. Cutting takes my mind off the emotional pain and seeing the blood brings me into reality. I've never been this desperate to not cut. I've never reached out this much. I've been in therapy I have many blessings I just feel so lost and I just want to one time to take my mind off things. There is hope and I know that I will pull myself through this trial for my son. I just needed to vent and know that I wasn't alone. No matter how upset or depressed at least I'm not alone..
I'm 16 and I started cutting when I was 13. I actually just kinda felt awful, so I cut myself on purpose with an eyebrow shaver. It didn't hurt or show up so I didn't think it did anything. But the next day I looked at it and I was kind of excited? Like I found a way to express my feelings. I haven't cut since February of 2015, but now I'm in school and I'm really mad and upset at someone because we had a group project that got my grade lowered. I just really want to see blood and feel the icy metal of the razor. I miss it. So I'm writing this. I hope it'll go away. I'll draw out my feelings, and if that doesn't work, I may end up talking to one of the coaches on this site. I'm praying to God for help and answers as well.
I am 11. I DONT cut but, I always Want to. People at school bully me. I started to draw where I wanted to cut. With a red ink pen, i would draw lines. They look realistic. Then, the teacher's and my parents were conserned, thinkig it was real. I blame it on, oh the door scratched me or the cat or a burn from cooking. I need help to STOP thinking about it. At school, teachers get mad at me. Theh almost called my parents. Mom: Oh we can help. Dad: YOU STOP IT RIGHT NOW!!! Stepmom: You are doing satans work! I wish I had less stress. LESS PARENTS MAKING ME MAD ALL THE TI E WHEN I DO SOMETHING WRONG. Anything that can help? My councelor: Aaron White. ( I think.) Please, help. I DONT WANNA START CUTTING LIKE MY FRIENDS. I dont draw cuz of attention. I do it to NOT cut. When I walk throuh those school doors, I just wanna cry. Please, help, nothings working.
I have anxiety and misguided anger (technically I have anxiety attacks and blame everything on myself) and lately they've been getting worse. I started wanting to cut. Then I tried but didn't...then I did. Then I did again and again. Everytime I have an anxiety attack it happens and I need help because every time I see the cuts on my leg I feel something in me that wants more.
I haven't found something to help me not do it. My anxiety freezes me up and wears me down when I get that feeling. It's like I have to resist and try to get myself doing other things but I can never hold off long enough for the attack to go away. Maybe it's because I'm scared that if I don't self hem it won't go way