If you have long-term, deep-rooted feelings of hate toward yourself, it didn’t happen overnight. Thinking through the parts of your life that affect how you see yourself can be useful in making things better.

Abuse: If you are or have been in an abusive relationship with a family member, friend, or romantic partner, you’ve been hurt by others repeatedly over a long period of time. It doesn’t matter whether the abuse is mental, physical, or emotional. Since it’s driven by someone attacking who you are, abuse can have a pronounced negative effect on how you see yourself and the world, causing you to fall into the trap of self-loathing.

Grief: For many, grief includes self-blame, which can quickly turn into self-hatred. If you find yourself asking “Why couldn’t I be there more?” or “Why didn’t I give more of my time and energy to them when I had the chance?” and becoming very angry in the process, hating yourself could be tied to your grief.

Mental or physical illness: If you struggle with physical or mental health challenges (especially depression and suicidal thoughts), it’s likely that you’re more often faced with your weaknesses than your strengths. This can skew your view of yourself and your worth towards the negative, which often leads to self-hate.

“My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me. That is why, for Christ’s sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong.”

— 2 Corinthians 12:9, NIV

Expectations of perfection: The same is true if you grew up in a family, church, or friend group that emphasized a perfectionist mentality. Since no one is perfect, the feeling of failure that comes with perfectionism can lead to blaming and hating yourself, even when your mistakes and weaknesses don’t have serious consequences.