What to Do if You Want To Kill Yourself & Feel Suicidal

What to Know About Suicidal Ideation

What Is Suicidal Ideation?

Suicidal ideation is when you think about killing yourself. This could mean that someone is actively planning and considering suicide, or it could mean that someone is so overwhelmed that they just don’t want to go on. It’s estimated that about 9% of the general population experience suicidal thoughts, and around 5% of people between the ages of 18 and 25.

Those with health issues or other major life challenges are even more likely to deal with suicidal thoughts. Situational stressors like military service or being discriminated against can increase your risk of suicidal ideation, as can diagnoses of chronic pain, traumatic brain injury, substance abuse disorder, depression, bipolar disorder, and more.

Passive suicidal ideation is when a person wishes to be dead or hopes that it will happen soon but doesn’t make any plans to make it happen. This could look like crawling into bed for the night and hoping that you don’t wake up in the morning. This could look like thinking about how you wouldn’t have to face your problems if you were gone. It could also look like feeling so tired that you wish you could just “sleep forever.” Essentially, you may not necessarily want to die, but you do not want to live your life either.

Active suicidal ideation is when a person not only wants to die but fully intends to and may even already have plans for how to do it. While both are cause for concern and treatment, if you are having suicidal thoughts that include details about how you would commit the act, it’s important that you talk to someone ASAP. Please reach out to a Hope Coach today, or call 988 for support and 911 if you’re in immediate danger.

Do You Feel Suicidal Right Now?

I know life can be hard and problems can pile so high that we cannot see a way out. I want to give you some practical ideas to try when you are at the depth of despair and feeling overwhelmed and hopeless. When you feel suicidal, please try these four steps.

When you have lost hope and believe suicide is the only way out, please try these four ideas:

1. Reach Out for Help

I understand that finding the strength to do this can be really hard, especially if you also feel alone, but suicide prevention services are available to help.

What Is a Contract for Life Partner?

Every person who is even remotely thinking of suicide, should have a Contract for Life partner. A Contract for Life partner is someone you trust and who understands you. This is someone you make a commitment to that says, I promise that if I have serious thoughts of killing myself, I will talk with you or with someone else I trust before I do anything destructive.

John is a survivor and here is his advice, "Don’t keep quiet if you are going to hurt yourself or others…please speak up. If you are feeling suicidal then talk to someone, don’t keep quiet about it. There is someone out there who will listen to you."

Keely said she has an older friend she calls when she feels suicidal thoughts coming on: I told her everything. And I told her that I need her help. Sometimes I just call to hear her voice to know I'm not alone. Other times, I ask if we can get together. She doesn't grill me, she's just there for me.

A Contract for Life partner is priceless because you can meet with them face to face or talk on the phone anytime. If you do not have one, please make it a priority to go looking for one today.

2. Refer to your Safety Plan

Take time right now to print out the Prevention Checklist and fill in the blanks of the Suicide Safety Plan. Then, whenever you have depression and suicidal thoughts, you can pull out your plan and follow what you have written down.

3. Remove whatever can harm you at that very moment

If there are guns, knives, and pills in your house, then RUN from your house. Get away from anything you can use to hurt yourself. This will buy you time to settle down and begin to think rationally. Some people are most suicidal when they are drunk.

Have someone you know, and trust clear all those things out of your house.

Wendelin said she was suicidal for over three years but was helped by knowing she wasn't alone:  I had a friend who was there for me no matter what. I tried to push this friend away so many times, she took away the knives and scissors I'd cut with, my dad's diving knife, my grandpa's gun, and the hose and rope so I couldn't hang myself. Even though I was so mad at her for it, I knew she cared and that she really did love me.

Glory wrote: I tried a couple of times but it never really worked. Then one night I realized something. If you can't change it, get over it. There are much better things to do in life than sit around hating life. God gave us life so we should use it. Killing yourself is only running away from your problems. It won't help one bit.

4. Turn to other Activities

The key here is to get your mind off of doing the unthinkable. If you are near suicide, you want to change the subject, or divert your mind from what you were planning to do. Walk, jog, bike, swim, take a nap, take a hot shower, watch a movie, listen to music, read a book, do household chores, clean, go shopping, go to the park, volunteer at an animal shelter for a few hours – An excuse to play with puppies? Yes, please! Anything that has the potential to help you lift your spirit.

Kelsey discovered this worked for her: I actually went and got a knife to kill myself and I just stopped and I was thinking this really isn't solving my problems is it? So I just decided to try to get into something like hip-hop classes, get my mind off my life, and just try to live life to the fullest.

You were made for more.

I know it feels like life will never get better, but I believe that you can get to the other side of this pain. I believe you were created for more than what you are feeling right now. God designed you in His image. He breathed life into you. He KNOWS you and LOVES you and has a purpose for your life.  It may not FEEL that way, but we can't always trust our feelings.

There is a man in the Bible who God says was a man after his heart. His name was David.  Yet David struggled with his feelings a lot. Read the book of Psalms and you will see what I am talking about.  For example, here is what King David said in Psalm 6:6-9, "All night I flood my bed with weeping, drenching it with my tears. My vision is blurred by grief; my eyes are worn out because of all my enemies. Go away, all you who do evil, for the Lord has heard my weeping. The Lord has heard my plea; the Lord will answer my prayer."  Here are other Bible verses to encourage you - Verses of Hope when Struggling with Suicidal Thoughts
There are many more articles on TheHopeLine regarding suicide and we want you to know you are not alone. You matter, you are good enough and you are loved.

If you or a friend need support right now, chat on-line with a Hope Coach, call the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 988, for free confidential, 24/7 help. Head here for a list of crisis centers around the world. For additional help, please visit the suicide prevention resource page.

Dawson McAllister
Dawson McAllister, also known as America's youth pastor, was an author, radio host, speaker, and founder of TheHopeLine. McAllister attended Bethel College in Minnesota for undergraduate work where he graduated in 1968, began graduate studies at Talbot School of Theology in California, and received an honorary doctorate from Biola University.
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672 comments on “What to Do if You Want To Kill Yourself & Feel Suicidal”

    1. You are valuable and worthy. It's good you are reaching out to talk about this. We have some resources we can give you to help you with these thoughts. We have a partner that will call you and help you through this. We are emailing you with some information to help you so please check your email. If you need someone to talk to right now, call the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 1.800.273.8255 or chat online with them at https://suicidepreventionlifeline.org/chat/

  1. That's a lie. Not everyone is loved. And it sounds cheap. I have no one on this planet that would be a live contact for me. My boyfriend says I'm crazy and laughs at me when I'm upset and doesn't talk to me until he thinks I'm "better".My sister, the only other adult person in my life, says I'm crazy too and acts like I am intentionally being miserable. So the only two people in my life that should love me actually are abusive by treating me like a burden. It sucks to feel like life is nothing. Because I am so emotional, everything ends up being my fault, even know they were in the wrong, they know I'll freak out and start crying, so I'm permanently the guilty one in all circumstances .They say "think positive " but that has gotten me no where at all. I googled the cheapest crematory, and it's 500 bucks, and I also googled the tallest bridges in king County. I swear if I die I won't have anyone pay cash for my dead body. I've been suffering so long. And I have no one to talk to. I wish my mom would come comfort me in a dream. And I've always tried my best, but my smile can't be faked anymore, and my sadness is worse than death to those around me. I don't know why a shadow of sadness has been eternally cast upon me. I have so much beauty in my mind that this shadow steals. I've become a prisoner in my own head. I'm so lonely. I wish someone understood me. Or cared. I can't cure myself. I can't even take care of myself. The sickness has gotten worse and I feel like there is not even a temporary escape anymore. I was once a woman with a beautiful mind. But now I am a sliver and no one recognizes me. When the mighty fall, the minions scatter. The hand that you offered to them in their dark hours is not reciprocated. It's too hard to watch someone fall to such a miserable state. Much easier to abandon. I find myself starring at people. I wish I could find someone sad like me and help them. Sometimes I'm positive I'm from another planet. Waiting for my real people to arrive and take me to where I really belong.

  2. i recently self harmed.... My suicidal thoughts flood in i cant talk to anyone without them shoving pills down my throat or sending me to useless therapy i know i can talk to people but im not allowing myself to it hurts so much and i just think of how ill die or how ill do it it is so realistic and so graphic and glued in my mind and im only 13 years old i hate myself so much I just want it to all fade away with me but ill never feel it

    1. Thanks for reaching out. It's important that you talk to someone about what is going on. Would you talk to our friends at http://www.doorofhope4teens.org? They will help with the need you are having to self-harm. You can text with them at 1-803-570-2061 (Alternative No. 914-393-1904) Texting is available Sunday, Tuesday, Thursday 8:30 – 10:30 EST. They have helped me girls that are struggling, like you. Please give them a chance to help you through this.

  3. I sometimes feel like suicide. I feel like no one understands me and I have no one to talk to. I'm still a kid and since i'm a kid people think that I don't have problems at all. Whenever I try to talk to my mom about it, she just yells at me and tells me she doesn't care, and I don't have any friends to talk to either. I talk to a counselor, but I feel like they don't care either, as long as they get paid they're happy. I feel like no one will care if i'm dead anyway, because a few weeks ago, someone suicided and it was on the news and people said, "Oh that's too bad" and then they just forgot about him. I don't know what to do.

    1. Caleb, Thank you for your blog comment. We care about you and want you to know you are valuable and worthy. How about talking to one of our HopeCoaches? You can chat online with one 7pm - 12am CST Monday - Saturday. They would listen and help you through this.

  4. I'm 50 years old never been anything in life, i push people away at times i can barely think of anything but killing the waste of skin i have become. everything pisses my off, i hate everything, I'm just worthless, i cant even sit in the living room with company, because i think i will bring them down , I'm sitting here with my 9 mm pistol , I'm sure i will get pushed to the edge

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