What to Do if You Want To Kill Yourself & Feel Suicidal

What to Know About Suicidal Ideation

What Is Suicidal Ideation?

Suicidal ideation is when you think about killing yourself. This could mean that someone is actively planning and considering suicide, or it could mean that someone is so overwhelmed that they just don’t want to go on. It’s estimated that about 9% of the general population experience suicidal thoughts, and around 5% of people between the ages of 18 and 25.

Those with health issues or other major life challenges are even more likely to deal with suicidal thoughts. Situational stressors like military service or being discriminated against can increase your risk of suicidal ideation, as can diagnoses of chronic pain, traumatic brain injury, substance abuse disorder, depression, bipolar disorder, and more.

Passive suicidal ideation is when a person wishes to be dead or hopes that it will happen soon but doesn’t make any plans to make it happen. This could look like crawling into bed for the night and hoping that you don’t wake up in the morning. This could look like thinking about how you wouldn’t have to face your problems if you were gone. It could also look like feeling so tired that you wish you could just “sleep forever.” Essentially, you may not necessarily want to die, but you do not want to live your life either.

Active suicidal ideation is when a person not only wants to die but fully intends to and may even already have plans for how to do it. While both are cause for concern and treatment, if you are having suicidal thoughts that include details about how you would commit the act, it’s important that you talk to someone ASAP. Please reach out to a Hope Coach today, or call 988 for support and 911 if you’re in immediate danger.

Do You Feel Suicidal Right Now?

I know life can be hard and problems can pile so high that we cannot see a way out. I want to give you some practical ideas to try when you are at the depth of despair and feeling overwhelmed and hopeless. When you feel suicidal, please try these four steps.

When you have lost hope and believe suicide is the only way out, please try these four ideas:

1. Reach Out for Help

I understand that finding the strength to do this can be really hard, especially if you also feel alone, but suicide prevention services are available to help.

What Is a Contract for Life Partner?

Every person who is even remotely thinking of suicide, should have a Contract for Life partner. A Contract for Life partner is someone you trust and who understands you. This is someone you make a commitment to that says, I promise that if I have serious thoughts of killing myself, I will talk with you or with someone else I trust before I do anything destructive.

John is a survivor and here is his advice, "Don’t keep quiet if you are going to hurt yourself or others…please speak up. If you are feeling suicidal then talk to someone, don’t keep quiet about it. There is someone out there who will listen to you."

Keely said she has an older friend she calls when she feels suicidal thoughts coming on: I told her everything. And I told her that I need her help. Sometimes I just call to hear her voice to know I'm not alone. Other times, I ask if we can get together. She doesn't grill me, she's just there for me.

A Contract for Life partner is priceless because you can meet with them face to face or talk on the phone anytime. If you do not have one, please make it a priority to go looking for one today.

2. Refer to your Safety Plan

Take time right now to print out the Prevention Checklist and fill in the blanks of the Suicide Safety Plan. Then, whenever you have depression and suicidal thoughts, you can pull out your plan and follow what you have written down.

3. Remove whatever can harm you at that very moment

If there are guns, knives, and pills in your house, then RUN from your house. Get away from anything you can use to hurt yourself. This will buy you time to settle down and begin to think rationally. Some people are most suicidal when they are drunk.

Have someone you know, and trust clear all those things out of your house.

Wendelin said she was suicidal for over three years but was helped by knowing she wasn't alone:  I had a friend who was there for me no matter what. I tried to push this friend away so many times, she took away the knives and scissors I'd cut with, my dad's diving knife, my grandpa's gun, and the hose and rope so I couldn't hang myself. Even though I was so mad at her for it, I knew she cared and that she really did love me.

Glory wrote: I tried a couple of times but it never really worked. Then one night I realized something. If you can't change it, get over it. There are much better things to do in life than sit around hating life. God gave us life so we should use it. Killing yourself is only running away from your problems. It won't help one bit.

4. Turn to other Activities

The key here is to get your mind off of doing the unthinkable. If you are near suicide, you want to change the subject, or divert your mind from what you were planning to do. Walk, jog, bike, swim, take a nap, take a hot shower, watch a movie, listen to music, read a book, do household chores, clean, go shopping, go to the park, volunteer at an animal shelter for a few hours – An excuse to play with puppies? Yes, please! Anything that has the potential to help you lift your spirit.

Kelsey discovered this worked for her: I actually went and got a knife to kill myself and I just stopped and I was thinking this really isn't solving my problems is it? So I just decided to try to get into something like hip-hop classes, get my mind off my life, and just try to live life to the fullest.

You were made for more.

I know it feels like life will never get better, but I believe that you can get to the other side of this pain. I believe you were created for more than what you are feeling right now. God designed you in His image. He breathed life into you. He KNOWS you and LOVES you and has a purpose for your life.  It may not FEEL that way, but we can't always trust our feelings.

There is a man in the Bible who God says was a man after his heart. His name was David.  Yet David struggled with his feelings a lot. Read the book of Psalms and you will see what I am talking about.  For example, here is what King David said in Psalm 6:6-9, "All night I flood my bed with weeping, drenching it with my tears. My vision is blurred by grief; my eyes are worn out because of all my enemies. Go away, all you who do evil, for the Lord has heard my weeping. The Lord has heard my plea; the Lord will answer my prayer."  Here are other Bible verses to encourage you - Verses of Hope when Struggling with Suicidal Thoughts
There are many more articles on TheHopeLine regarding suicide and we want you to know you are not alone. You matter, you are good enough and you are loved.

If you or a friend need support right now, chat on-line with a Hope Coach, call the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 988, for free confidential, 24/7 help. Head here for a list of crisis centers around the world. For additional help, please visit the suicide prevention resource page.

Dawson McAllister
Dawson McAllister, also known as America's youth pastor, was an author, radio host, speaker, and founder of TheHopeLine. McAllister attended Bethel College in Minnesota for undergraduate work where he graduated in 1968, began graduate studies at Talbot School of Theology in California, and received an honorary doctorate from Biola University.
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672 comments on “What to Do if You Want To Kill Yourself & Feel Suicidal”

  1. Genuinly finna kill myself. All i do is regret every decicion i make in my life and cry about it. I miss my childhood which my parents stole from me. and most importantly im 246 and im never going to get a girl so thats good. Ive tried to eat healhty and go to the gym for about 2 months and now im about to stop and kill myself. Its not like im going to ever be loved in my life again.

    1. You are valuable and worthy! It's good you are reaching out to talk about this. We have some resources we can give you to help you with these thoughts. We have a partner that will call you and help you through this. We are emailing you with some information to help you so please check your email. If you need someone to talk to right now, call the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 1.800.273.8255 or chat online with them at https://suicidepreventionlifeline.org/chat/. You can reach the Crisis Text Line 24/7 by texting “START” to 741-741 too.

  2. I think the only reason I haven’t ended my life is because it would hurt my partner. But I hate life and see no purpose for me but misery. I want to jump off a cliff one day and disappear. That’s my greatest wish right now...

    1. You are valuable and worthy. It's good you are reaching out to talk about this. We have some resources we can give you to help you with these thoughts. We have a partner that will call you and help you through this. We are emailing you with some information to help you so please check your email. If you need someone to talk to right now, call the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 1.800.273.8255 or chat online with them at https://suicidepreventionlifeline.org/chat/ You can reach the Crisis Text Line 24/7 by texting “START” to 741-741 too.

  3. I have severe anxiety. Tried ssri drugs, journaling, beta blockers, meditation, therapy, talking to a few people who care about me, I am h a hard time asking a psychiatrist for small amount of Benzo' s but will be labeled as a drug seeker. I need some help.I live near Huntsville AL. Please anyone

  4. Oh my goodness........I posted a long blog. First time ever. It was very helpful to me. thank you HopeLine for being here. I didn't realize the size that my pictures would be when I posted them.....oops. I hope that seeing an older person's perspective will help someone younger that is struggling. I try to see my suicidal thoughts as a BIG red flag that is saying STOP; something is amiss. Just stop the thoughts of suicide and/or share the thoughts that lead up to that point.
    Shift gears(thoughts) find something happier to think about or do. We have to be proactive to feel happy. We have to take ACTION. Write, draw, read, play a game, call a hotline, pretend that you are the hotline person, what would you say to yourself to help yourself get out of your negative emotional state. Anyway, think about it. If I can make it to 60 so can you! 🙂 I write journals, draw, scribble, throw rocks into water, sit in the sun, keep a special happy times journal and other types of journals for all of my thoughts or feelings to process. One journal I just draw my emotions..........anger often looks like scribbles. Don't judge your drawing.. Lately I am painting rocks and putting words on them....just go 4 it. I am always surprised at what comes out. I especially like abstract drawings or painting to express my feelings. If you are underage and living at home feeling trapped...........hang in there. Try to go with the flow. Pick and choose your battles wisely. Don't make things harder on yourself just to prove a point. The only one that will lose is you. Soon enough you will get to fly the coup. Try to enjoy the free food while you can lol. I have no idea why I just said this stuff for an underage person. I just remember how it was when I was young. I could hardly wait to get away but when the time came I wasn't quite prepared. So enjoy your teenage youth. It will seem like it went by so fast when you look back on it. Right now it seems like a forever moment. Don't buy into the negative and FOREVER because really, feelings change and so does our perception of things. PEACE https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/bd0733ce024542451fdf5443ac4fb450b585bb0da3a0821aa96f6320a0231b97.jpg https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/8b9c3d6e1f895aa9aa6d80288c8467c50ef85880f9727aa735affc4e65df6d8c.jpg

  5. WELL I AM NOT A YOUNG ADULT OR TEENAGER anymore. I turned 60 this year. Feeling extrememly suicidal. I hate sleep, nightmares. I have chronic PTSD from childhood abuse that was sexual, mental, and emotional. I experienced terrorism and brutal gang rape when I was in the Navy (age20) I have nightmares at least 3 times a week (usually more) My life is not anything that I could have ever imagined or wanted. I have been married 4 times.......mostly for survival/insurance reasons...... 3 times to men (all before the age of 30) and once to a woman. I came out as a lesbian at a time when it was not protected by law. I was pretty much rejected by the lesbian community because I had a son. YES a boy Shheesh. Being lesbian in those days meant hating men and boys became men. Consequently, after my first breakup with a woman, back to a man I had to go. Pickings for women to women partners were slim back then and those that were out didn't want to be a mom or around any kids......especially a boy. Now it is fashionable for lesbians to have children...... Times were HARD when I was a young adult. I didn't fit in anywhere. I had no support from family and my son had social issues. He was quirky, hyper active, and we couldn't relate to one another. He rarely slept. He had a genius mind but kept getting kicked out of kindergartens (4 in all) My immediate family was crazy dysfunctional, manipulative, LOUD, conditional.
    My body was a mess. I had to have several GYN surgeries and tumors removed all before the age of 24. I had a total hysterectomy by the time I was 25 and almost died of a pulmonary embolism when I was 19 yrs old. I gave birth to my son when I was 22 and had a horrible, bloody, miscarriage in the second trimester when I was 20 (the gang rape had left me pregnant) Now that I am 60, all of my closest relatives are dead (24 at last count) my only family is my 2 year old grandaughter, my son & his wife (who I cant talk to because she only speaks Japanese) My son also speaks Japanese, I don't. They live in the bay area of California. Sadly, I cannot live near my son due to the high cost of housing where he lives in California. I have been out priced out of my native State. Sadly, my mancub only talks on the phone with me every 3 or 4 months. He has Asperger's Syndrome and hates to communicate with me. He has a brilliant mind but was a difficult child to relate to. Somehow he has managed to eke out a social .life in a Japanese community. He is an engineer with a technical, creative, mind. He doesn't care for American culture. To my surprise, he is enjoying fatherhood and is very engaging with his daughter. Anyway, I still miss him. I want to be an involved grandmother but it isn't possible. I think that he is glad that I don't live nearby. but maybe not.......it could just be the Asperger part of him that is glad. I would have to be a millionaire now to live where I raised my son and where I was born. Perhaps I could rent a room in a place with strangers but THAT is too scary for me. I live alone now in a nice house that i am buying. Being alone is both nurturing AND isolating. Happily, I now have a PTSD service dog that was awarded to me last month. He was highly trained by a caring professional dog trainer through a wonderful program that helps veterans with PTSD and certain medical issues. My dog is there for me when I have nightmares...he wakes me up, turns on the light, and gets me oriented/grounded. He can pick things up for me and bring them to me. He interrupts my crying jags by nudging and licking my face. He has public access and accompanies me wherever I go. I do not like crowds especially with men in them. I am hoping that my tendency to isolate myself gets better with this new dog partnership. I don't have much of a sense of self or any interest in life. I have struggled with body issues and self acceptance all my life. I could go on and on about the woes of my life....... I live with chronic back pain (since my 30's) herniated discs, fibromyalgia, and several hand surgeries. I have chronic tendinitis and also contracted genital herpes from my time in the service.....most likely from the gang rape; Vietnam veterans were the culprits. No telling what hell they went through over there or how many hookers they screwed err, hooked up with. One thing for sure, it changed who they were and turned them into some very twisted horrible people. They showed me pictures of some of the gruesome and brutal things that they had done to a Vietnamese mother and her child......and then showed me pictures of them killing her and the child. I was threatened with the same type of death that they did to her if I were to tell. I kept my mouth shut and lived in fear for 3 decades. I changed my name even........I was always afraid that they would change their minds and kill me anyways. I didn't want them to ever find me. My life has been a wild rollercoaster of feelings, highs and lows.........mostly lows. I have read hundreds of self help books and had several counselors. I have taken/tried almost every med available over the years for depression and PTSD Also, during the past 9 years, I have been prescribed time released morphine for my back issues and Lyrica for fibromyalgia. I still have pain. It is just not the suicidal type that I used to have constantly (for that I am thankful! even though the pain restricts my activities. 🙁
    I want to believe in something (like a God) but I just can't. I do not believe in a personified God or prayer. I believe in science and that meditation is good for one's self. I grew up believing in a Christian God. I went to Sunday school and a non denominational Christian camp every summer. I lost faith when I was 17. I tried for years to get some kind of faith back. I tried just about every belief system out there......in earnest However, ALWAYS, it was as if I were play acting just to fit into something positive in life. I didn't really believe. I am an agnostic leaning toward atheism. My intellectual mind knows that the bible is man made hundreds of years after the days that Jesus lived. Most of the bible is fiction based on myth...sorry fundamentalists; it is not meant to be interpreted literally! History and science solidified my doubts decades ago. I question EVERYTHING. I believe that man made god not the other way around...............but it is so SAD and difficult to have no faith; to live with doubt and questions that cannot be answered. It is a lonely path but I must be true to myself. Nevertheless, I do not believe in condemning anyone's spiritual journey or beliefs. In many ways, I rather envy them.......
    I found this board tonight because I am suicidal. I was scared... ...afraid that I just might swallow the bottle of phenobarbital that was my former elderly dog's meds (he died last year) I miss him and so did my beloved 14 yr old Tucker. I grieve mostly for him; Tucker was my heart, my joy, my soul. dead now for 3 years. A part of me died along with him. RIP little man.
    I feel anxious. I dread having more nightmares. The past 3 nights have been like a horror movie. Every time I sleep, I awaken from a chilling nightmare. ugh! Also, I can't quit dreaming of finding a way back home to golden central coast of California. I have become obsessed with real estate sites, housing markets, rentals, craigslist roommates wanted. ....buying is out of the question. Oh woe is me. Anxiety, loneliness, despair...........somehow, I have managed to make it this far. I hang on to the beauty in life. There is beauty in everything.......out of the ashes rises the phoenix. I just wish that I had less ashes.
    Well, this blog has been a gr8 distraction from suicidal ideation. My dog wants me to go back to bed and try again. I am going to dump the pills and take the bullets out of my gun. Another awful night thwarted. It is 4am. Feeling a bit tired. It is always easier to sleep when I know that it will be light out soon.
    Hang in there gang. I like what an author one said: "The question of suicide. Keep it a question; it isn't an answer." There is so much that I would have missed out on had I killed myself the first time that it crossed my mind......I was 23. I know that better moments are ahead. Life is a rollercoaster of emotion. Change your thoughts and your feelings will follow. Try not to dwell on the things and thoughts that trigger the suicide. Instead, write them out, talk them over, and let them go. The good stuff will roll around. My life sucks in so many ways but it also has a lot of sweetness...........That is what I will take back to bed with me tonight....sweetness. Not all of this Sh#$ that I just wrote about. AHA!!!!!! Hey I am feeling a lot better already. ... . .... ... until next time lol OR oh woe. Going to go read my happy thoughts happy times journal..........I forgot about that! https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/c8ef13a51cc48035ae4b44ed9cdcd10076513159f88bbcf9d6ca99b7e5071fd3.jpg https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/090bdd903fa1e97231c1e2547b782c41fa1f65bad263178f36c0dba8b33f70b1.jpg https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/69dfcca9c129bf918d82a9ef2979c043d084a148e823665a7cd4808d999a9a8e.jpg

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