Breaking up with your boyfriend or girlfriend is hard to do. But it's even more difficult when your ex won't leave you alone after the breakup. I figure there are at least two different reasons why an ex won't let go. Either they want to get back together with you, or they are just trying to get back at you.
When they don't get the message your relationship is over, you will have to clarify again exactly how you feel.
Clarify the Message that the Relationship is Over
When they don't get the message your relationship is over, you will have to clarify again exactly how you feel. Try not to approach this difficult issue when you're frustrated or angry. However, the more clear and direct you can be, the better. But remember, always be kind. Sooner or later, your ex will get the message.
Clarify the Boundaries
It is important to establish boundaries for yourself. While you're working on letting things cool down between you and your ex, try to avoid places and situations where you know he/she might be. If it gets to a point where you are continually made to feel uncomfortable, it might become necessary to talk directly to him/her again. Be prepared to say exactly what he/she is doing and how it makes you feel.
You might even want to take a friend with you when you talk to him/her. You need to be confident in this situation, as your ex might be looking for hope that you want to get back together. This is the time to be firm because you really want them to get the message. This is not the time or argue or fight. You are merely communicating your boundaries.
You may be tempted to go back into the relationship because you think you remember how good it felt to have somebody.
Get Back into a Relationship with an Ex?
You may be tempted to go back into the relationship because you think you remember how good it felt to have somebody. This is especially true if you have been sexual with each other, or you feel sorry for the other person. If you have one or two close friends, tell them why you are breaking up with your ex and ask them to remind you why you broke up when you start thinking about getting back together again.
Listen to my call with Vanessa who's pregnant and still has feelings for her baby's father who cheated on her and pulled a knife on her mom.
I also talked to Ty who says: My bf is an alcoholic, drug abuser and other things. But I don't know how to break up with him because every time I try to he gets VERY suicidal. I have to stay with him but I can't because it hurts me too much seeing him like this. I asked him to stop drinking and he said he would, but he hasn't, and I'm afraid that if he keeps doing this it's going to get to where he might hurt me.
Act Like an Adult and Firmly End It
Kalya says it's been three months since she left her boyfriend and he continues to provoke her. Her advice is priceless: When it's time to let go, do it, there can be no comparing or second-guessing, it just has to be done, especially if you are unhappy and worry all the time. You should not have to babysit your lover.
By communicating firmly and directly, you are acting like an adult. This kind of behavior will lead your ex to increase their respect for you, and finally get the message that you are no longer interested in having a relationship with them.
Are You in Danger From Your Stalking Ex?
If you feel like your situation is dangerous, please tell someone...a parent, trusted advisor, principal, friend or even the police. Sometimes serious measures must be taken to free yourself from a troubled ex. Don't wait until it's too late.
Listen to my call with Candice. The father of Candice's son hit her mom and won't leave her alone. She has a restraining order against him but he keeps trying to come to her house and he's called her over 200 times in the past month.
Be Strong
You don't need to face this struggle alone. God promises that He is with us and will help us whatever the struggle. He tells us to be strong and not afraid because HE IS WITH US.
"Be strong and courageous. Do not be frightened, and do not be dismayed, for the Lord your God is with you wherever you go.” Joshua 1:9
Don't back down from what you know is right for you. Ask God to give you the strength you need.
Way to go! So proud of you for taking a stand and being so proactive to protect yourself. How awesome to save some money on rent in the process, too!
I'm 16 years old and I'm still at school. My ex and I dated for about a year but I called it quits before summer and I said that we could still remain friends. We didn't talk throughout summer but a week before school started we skyped. He told me that he made out with 6 girls and I obviously hadn't gotten over it so I said I kissed a friend that we both know(that friend had actually kissed me for 1 second like two days before I broke up with my ex I was very surprised and pushed him away). Then two weeks later he started accusing me of cheating on him and he got his friend to harass me over snapchat and he started saying things like lier, cheater etc. I was crying and obviously very frustrated as I kept trying to explain that I hadn't kissed him and he had kissed me and that I hadn't cheated. My ex got many people involved and then I thought we sorted it out.But yesterday he waited for me after class with his friend and started shouting at me 'we need to talk and stop lying' I ignored him and started to walk to my form where my friends were. But he followed me and pulled me back from my bag but I kept walking while he was shouting profanities at me but I still didn't say anything and went into the girls bathroom. I waited for 10 seconds and came out but he was waiting for me so I smirked at him and kept walking. He came after me and still shouting said 'stop playing victim' (he was spreading rumors about me being a cheater) and very loudly I said 'I AM not a lier' I kept walking towards my form then he got so angry and blocked my way and shouted in my face. I laughed at him and he called me names. And i went into my form and started crying. My two friends went to him and 'sorted it out' and said he was still convinced I cheated and would not apologize and my other friend shouted at him for making me cry. I'm avoiding him but he's in most of my classes and we both have tennis and golf together and I'm very scared. My mom said she would talk to his but I don't know what to do Im very scared and while writing this my hands are shaking and I'm scared of going school.
I need some advice also.. My bf and I have been dating for a year, his ex is CRAZY full blown begging him, crying the whole thing to go back To him, she didn't let him see his child (who has a terminal special needs illness) for 6 months because of me.. She thinks I ruined their relationship when he had been unhappy for over a year already, well she is persistent and doesn't give up, she's too friendly and had even sent him a nude photo and then played it off as asking a question because she did not get the response she said wanted.. He is not overly friendly and ignores her "friendliness" but he can not upset her by setting the boundaries clear again because she takes away his child.. Help I'm really considering leaving him.. She is an awful person.. She wants him unhappy if he is not with her
The thought of having to go through a divorce is a super scary thought right now. I'm very happy and fortunate now that he never made the commitment to marry me, although I wanted to marry him in the past. I'm glad I didn't.
Thank you, Mindy. That's exactly what I did. I told the family member he's closest to and trusts the most about what was happening with him. Everything seems to be going well now, as I've not heard from him in over a month now, so there's that.