Breaking up with your boyfriend or girlfriend is hard to do. But it's even more difficult when your ex won't leave you alone after the breakup. I figure there are at least two different reasons why an ex won't let go. Either they want to get back together with you, or they are just trying to get back at you.
When they don't get the message your relationship is over, you will have to clarify again exactly how you feel.
Clarify the Message that the Relationship is Over
When they don't get the message your relationship is over, you will have to clarify again exactly how you feel. Try not to approach this difficult issue when you're frustrated or angry. However, the more clear and direct you can be, the better. But remember, always be kind. Sooner or later, your ex will get the message.
Clarify the Boundaries
It is important to establish boundaries for yourself. While you're working on letting things cool down between you and your ex, try to avoid places and situations where you know he/she might be. If it gets to a point where you are continually made to feel uncomfortable, it might become necessary to talk directly to him/her again. Be prepared to say exactly what he/she is doing and how it makes you feel.
You might even want to take a friend with you when you talk to him/her. You need to be confident in this situation, as your ex might be looking for hope that you want to get back together. This is the time to be firm because you really want them to get the message. This is not the time or argue or fight. You are merely communicating your boundaries.
You may be tempted to go back into the relationship because you think you remember how good it felt to have somebody.
Get Back into a Relationship with an Ex?
You may be tempted to go back into the relationship because you think you remember how good it felt to have somebody. This is especially true if you have been sexual with each other, or you feel sorry for the other person. If you have one or two close friends, tell them why you are breaking up with your ex and ask them to remind you why you broke up when you start thinking about getting back together again.
Listen to my call with Vanessa who's pregnant and still has feelings for her baby's father who cheated on her and pulled a knife on her mom.
I also talked to Ty who says: My bf is an alcoholic, drug abuser and other things. But I don't know how to break up with him because every time I try to he gets VERY suicidal. I have to stay with him but I can't because it hurts me too much seeing him like this. I asked him to stop drinking and he said he would, but he hasn't, and I'm afraid that if he keeps doing this it's going to get to where he might hurt me.
Act Like an Adult and Firmly End It
Kalya says it's been three months since she left her boyfriend and he continues to provoke her. Her advice is priceless: When it's time to let go, do it, there can be no comparing or second-guessing, it just has to be done, especially if you are unhappy and worry all the time. You should not have to babysit your lover.
By communicating firmly and directly, you are acting like an adult. This kind of behavior will lead your ex to increase their respect for you, and finally get the message that you are no longer interested in having a relationship with them.
Are You in Danger From Your Stalking Ex?
If you feel like your situation is dangerous, please tell someone...a parent, trusted advisor, principal, friend or even the police. Sometimes serious measures must be taken to free yourself from a troubled ex. Don't wait until it's too late.
Listen to my call with Candice. The father of Candice's son hit her mom and won't leave her alone. She has a restraining order against him but he keeps trying to come to her house and he's called her over 200 times in the past month.
Be Strong
You don't need to face this struggle alone. God promises that He is with us and will help us whatever the struggle. He tells us to be strong and not afraid because HE IS WITH US.
"Be strong and courageous. Do not be frightened, and do not be dismayed, for the Lord your God is with you wherever you go.” Joshua 1:9
Don't back down from what you know is right for you. Ask God to give you the strength you need.
Im in serious trouble...Me and my ex where together for 2 years...He is a drug addict and I foun out in about 10 months after I met him.We broke up some months ago because he did heroin (he was addicted to coke) so I freaked out and broke up woth him fpr the second and final time.He is bery possesibe and has abused ans bullied me a lot in the past and he didnt hessitate to tell me he will suicide when I left him.I tried my best to calm him down and finally convinced him he should ho to rehab.He is there now and we talk with letters, I try to be cold but he lives in his own world and thinks we will be together wjen this ia over.His mom calls me all the time and talks to me as I am his wife or I dont know what! I care about him but I am hurt, tired and depressive.What can I do? In 2 months he is coming back and I am afraid.for my life what am I going to do..Je is obssesed withe and said to my friend that if he finds out I am dating someone he will kill jim and then go.to jail!!!I am so tired.....
My ex won't stop texting me out of the blue every week or so.
He dumped me a few months ago because he can't handle the fact I am going through a tough time mentally, but now he keeps going out of his way from time to time and messaging me.
Often he is unkind, and earlier today he let his friend use his phone to message me, posing as my ex and asking for another chance.
My ex has a brother whom I am helping in school to better his education (he has ADHD) and we have become close friends as a result of trust. My ex's brother helps me mentally.
As soon as my ex found out me and his brother were getting close, he messaged saying, "what's going on with you and my brother?" and he was very very rude to me.
This is NOT healthy for me mentally either.
What should I do?
I'm having the same problem and I don't know what to do either. I wished I could go into hiding.
I don't know what to do either? I've tried everything to get him to leave me alone. If I ignore my phone he starts calling my place of work. He keeps saying if I will have sex with him one last time he will leave me alone. This has been going on for 9 months and I'm about to lose my mind. I stay stressed to the point it's starting to effect me physically. My stomach stays in knots and stays upset now. I pray every night about this. I ended it because he was so jealous and possessive and was too rough. The only thing I can think of to do is too try and find another job somewhere else and move. I'm worried if I lied and said I was seeing someone it might make him worse. I haven't saw him in 9 months he just harrasses by phone. Im so sick of it I don't know what to do. It's making me depressed. I just want to be free of him and back to my old happy self again.
My ex-wife was trading on her friends failed relationship "ennui" (it was everywhere in the '80's, that decade is vastly overrated IMO) and it encouraged her to separate from me, which (frankly, I hate to admit it) DEVASTATED me at the time. I had a @$%^ load of responsibilities at the time and couldn't just address the relationship (or the resultant loss of health on my part as the result) and I wasn't going to let it torpedo the work/effort I'd already undertaken. Then she started calling me to do the "stuff" she didn't think about needing while we were together, making my already nearly capsizing responsibilities nearly unmanageable. I eventually wound up in the Hospital with Gangrene in my right leg. But I did manage to attend to those responsibilities. Then she decides she wants to show up (newly married) and be friends after I nearly died. (Cutting edge-then at least-antibiotics were the only things that saved me.) She couldn't understand why I (and my next-then future-spouse) wanted nothing to do with her. Clueless girl. And she is not by herself. Like Leonard Nimoy once famously said (in his most famous role): "You may find, that after a time, "having" is not so pleasing a thing as "wanting". It is not logical, but it is often true." I can't say I wasn't warned, but I didn't expect to have to learn that lesson in specifically THAT way.