Breaking up with your boyfriend or girlfriend is hard to do. But it's even more difficult when your ex won't leave you alone after the breakup. I figure there are at least two different reasons why an ex won't let go. Either they want to get back together with you, or they are just trying to get back at you.
When they don't get the message your relationship is over, you will have to clarify again exactly how you feel.
Clarify the Message that the Relationship is Over
When they don't get the message your relationship is over, you will have to clarify again exactly how you feel. Try not to approach this difficult issue when you're frustrated or angry. However, the more clear and direct you can be, the better. But remember, always be kind. Sooner or later, your ex will get the message.
Clarify the Boundaries
It is important to establish boundaries for yourself. While you're working on letting things cool down between you and your ex, try to avoid places and situations where you know he/she might be. If it gets to a point where you are continually made to feel uncomfortable, it might become necessary to talk directly to him/her again. Be prepared to say exactly what he/she is doing and how it makes you feel.
You might even want to take a friend with you when you talk to him/her. You need to be confident in this situation, as your ex might be looking for hope that you want to get back together. This is the time to be firm because you really want them to get the message. This is not the time or argue or fight. You are merely communicating your boundaries.
You may be tempted to go back into the relationship because you think you remember how good it felt to have somebody.
Get Back into a Relationship with an Ex?
You may be tempted to go back into the relationship because you think you remember how good it felt to have somebody. This is especially true if you have been sexual with each other, or you feel sorry for the other person. If you have one or two close friends, tell them why you are breaking up with your ex and ask them to remind you why you broke up when you start thinking about getting back together again.
Listen to my call with Vanessa who's pregnant and still has feelings for her baby's father who cheated on her and pulled a knife on her mom.
I also talked to Ty who says: My bf is an alcoholic, drug abuser and other things. But I don't know how to break up with him because every time I try to he gets VERY suicidal. I have to stay with him but I can't because it hurts me too much seeing him like this. I asked him to stop drinking and he said he would, but he hasn't, and I'm afraid that if he keeps doing this it's going to get to where he might hurt me.
Act Like an Adult and Firmly End It
Kalya says it's been three months since she left her boyfriend and he continues to provoke her. Her advice is priceless: When it's time to let go, do it, there can be no comparing or second-guessing, it just has to be done, especially if you are unhappy and worry all the time. You should not have to babysit your lover.
By communicating firmly and directly, you are acting like an adult. This kind of behavior will lead your ex to increase their respect for you, and finally get the message that you are no longer interested in having a relationship with them.
Are You in Danger From Your Stalking Ex?
If you feel like your situation is dangerous, please tell someone...a parent, trusted advisor, principal, friend or even the police. Sometimes serious measures must be taken to free yourself from a troubled ex. Don't wait until it's too late.
Listen to my call with Candice. The father of Candice's son hit her mom and won't leave her alone. She has a restraining order against him but he keeps trying to come to her house and he's called her over 200 times in the past month.
Be Strong
You don't need to face this struggle alone. God promises that He is with us and will help us whatever the struggle. He tells us to be strong and not afraid because HE IS WITH US.
"Be strong and courageous. Do not be frightened, and do not be dismayed, for the Lord your God is with you wherever you go.” Joshua 1:9
Don't back down from what you know is right for you. Ask God to give you the strength you need.
This article wasn't too helpful. It would be more helpful to identify signs of stalking. Why wasn't there a discussion of what to do when identifying and practicing clear and direct boundaries didn't work? Is it your fault if after seeking counciling and setting boundaries your ex still doesn't let go? Is it normal that you've had the same issue in all of your past relationships?
These are the issues that should be addressed. Let's educate not just glimpse over, and maybe 1in 8 women won't end up as abuse victims from the partners they once loved.
Karen, those are all great questions. If you follow the links within the blog we address many of these issues in detail in other blogs. For example, here are some tips for protecting yourself - https://www.thehopeline.com/sexual-assault-15-tips-to-protect-yourself/ and here is a true story with warning signs listed at the end https://www.thehopeline.com/abuse-in-relationships-can-turn-into-tragedy/ I hope these are helpful. We also encourage you to chat with a trained HopeCoach anytime 24/7.
My 16 year old daughter dated a boy from school for 3 years. He was very controlling and possessive. Two years ago, my daughter broke up with this boy for repetitive cheating on her. Since the break up, they have tried to stay friends but the controlling behavior got even worse and they have been almost constantly fighting and arguing. about a month ago, she finally got sick of it and told him to leave her alone and she doesn't want to be around him at all. Three days later, we had a false child protective case opened on us by his family. Also, he is stalking her at school and work coming up close to her saying "I will Always Love You" and "You will Always Be Mine". I've talked to her school about him following her around but was told, as long as he doesn't say anything threatening to her, they can't make him leave her alone. I don't know what to do and I'm scared he will do something bad to her when she is out in public.
My ex and I dated for almost three years and have been broken up for a little over a year. It wasn't a very good relationship and the longer we were together the more emotionally unavailable he became. It was a very toxic relationship and he wasn't very nice and always made me feel like I was overreacting when I got made at him, even though my friends said that i had a good reason to be mad. He still sends me text messages and requests on both instagram and facebook. I hadn't talked to him for about six months until he showed up at my doorstep asking me to take him back and I said no. I thought he had gotten through his head that we weren't getting back together because I hadn't hear do from him for a few months so I unblocked him from everything. Then about three months ago he sent me flowers. I said thank you because I thought that was taking the high road. But now it's three months after and he sending me text messages again. It's been two weeks in a row that he's sent me either a text or request. I don't know what to do because I'm still trying to figure out if I made the right decision or not and the longer it takes for me to find someone and go on a date or something the more I think I should take him back.
I have an ex... it's quite complicated though. We were together four years and engaged, I fell pregnant,miscarried and I then discovered he got someone else pregnant. I suffered alone. I walked away, no one ended anything. Then 10 yrs later he came back. Wanting sex, and wanting to celebrate our child's birthday. In a way I'm glad I miscarried, because the person he is with is a nasty person and she would have made it difficult. I've never done or said anything to destroy their relationship, but she will start on me for no reason. I think she is insecure... they have four children now, but he is constantly telling me that it's me he loves. But still with her... no changes made. I still love him, he is the live of my life. But, I don't want a family split. And he made all the mistakes.
What do you do when your abusive ex-girlfriend continues to message you 5.5 years later, even after you've been very firm and clear that you want nothing to do with her? This is including telling her flat out that you want nothing to do with her, blocking her on Facebook (on her 4 or 5 different profiles that she's messaged you from), and blocking her on G+. What does one do?