Cutting the Cord: How to Deal With a Persistent Ex
Breaking up with your boyfriend or girlfriend is hard to do. But it's even more difficult when your ex won't leave you alone after the breakup. I figure there are at least two different reasons why an ex won't let go. Either they want to get back together with you, or they are just trying to get back at you.
When they don't get the message your relationship is over, you will have to clarify again exactly how you feel.
Clarify the Message that the Relationship is Over
When they don't get the message your relationship is over, you will have to clarify again exactly how you feel. Try not to approach this difficult issue when you're frustrated or angry. However, the more clear and direct you can be, the better. But remember, always be kind. Sooner or later, your ex will get the message.
Clarify the Boundaries
It is important to establish boundaries for yourself. While you're working on letting things cool down between you and your ex, try to avoid places and situations where you know he/she might be. If it gets to a point where you are continually made to feel uncomfortable, it might become necessary to talk directly to him/her again. Be prepared to say exactly what he/she is doing and how it makes you feel.
You might even want to take a friend with you when you talk to him/her. You need to be confident in this situation, as your ex might be looking for hope that you want to get back together. This is the time to be firm because you really want them to get the message. This is not the time or argue or fight. You are merely communicating your boundaries.
You may be tempted to go back into the relationship because you think you remember how good it felt to have somebody.
Get Back into a Relationship with an Ex?
You may be tempted to go back into the relationship because you think you remember how good it felt to have somebody. This is especially true if you have been sexual with each other, or you feel sorry for the other person. If you have one or two close friends, tell them why you are breaking up with your ex and ask them to remind you why you broke up when you start thinking about getting back together again.
Listen to my call with Vanessa who's pregnant and still has feelings for her baby's father who cheated on her and pulled a knife on her mom.
I also talked to Ty who says: My bf is an alcoholic, drug abuser and other things. But I don't know how to break up with him because every time I try to he gets VERY suicidal. I have to stay with him but I can't because it hurts me too much seeing him like this. I asked him to stop drinking and he said he would, but he hasn't, and I'm afraid that if he keeps doing this it's going to get to where he might hurt me.
Act Like an Adult and Firmly End It
Kalya says it's been three months since she left her boyfriend and he continues to provoke her. Her advice is priceless: When it's time to let go, do it, there can be no comparing or second-guessing, it just has to be done, especially if you are unhappy and worry all the time. You should not have to babysit your lover.
By communicating firmly and directly, you are acting like an adult. This kind of behavior will lead your ex to increase their respect for you, and finally get the message that you are no longer interested in having a relationship with them.
Are You in Danger From Your Stalking Ex?
If you feel like your situation is dangerous, please tell someone...a parent, trusted advisor, principal, friend or even the police. Sometimes serious measures must be taken to free yourself from a troubled ex. Don't wait until it's too late.
Listen to my call with Candice. The father of Candice's son hit her mom and won't leave her alone. She has a restraining order against him but he keeps trying to come to her house and he's called her over 200 times in the past month.
Be Strong
You don't need to face this struggle alone. God promises that He is with us and will help us whatever the struggle. He tells us to be strong and not afraid because HE IS WITH US.
"Be strong and courageous. Do not be frightened, and do not be dismayed, for the Lord your God is with you wherever you go.” Joshua 1:9
Don't back down from what you know is right for you. Ask God to give you the strength you need.
I agree. I don't think that people who keep calling/texting after you break up with them and tell them clearly that it's over are clear-minded and rational, so you can't really sit down with them and talk calmly. You just have to do it in no uncertain terms and be mean if you have to. Not violent, just totally honest. My ex confused honesty with me being mean all the time - i would hear "why do you have to be ugly with me" and i'd say, i'm not being ugly, just honest, and you need to learn the difference." I got so sick of the same crap all the time, day in & day out. I ended it last weekend in a way I thought was definitive but obviously it wasn't because i get a text later, "I'm sorry you hate me" (what this really means is i hate myself) and today congrats that my favorite team won. Sorry excuses just like during the whole relationship.
My situation is a little different. My bf broke up with me so he could see other people and "be single". But he would still constantly call and text to see how I was and tell me he loved me & then after I'd agree to talk to him, he'd say he didnt want a relationship. So, I decided to change my number. He started showing up near my work and my dr office saying he couldnt live without me. So I quit, and I don't visit my dr anymore unless it's urgent, I changed my email and got rid of all my social media. Somehow his friend (or him) found my new number and I started getting calls from his friend, then him..but they're always hang ups. I have been really direct and even mean with him, telling him he's a loser and I don't want him in my life and to delete my number, but that just seems to encourage him. I don't know what to do other than change my number again but that caused me problems last time, losing touch with friends and work people not being able to reach me, ect. What do I do?It's been 4 years!!!
Oh wow, that's definitely stalking. Hopefully he's gotten the message you don't want him in your life whatsoever within the month since you've poster this. But if not, you should go to the police. They would probably suggest you get a restraining order (that includes all forms of contact). He might just need some more serious form of punishment.
I broke up with my ex-boyfriend . The thing is he won't leave me . He just keep text me . He wants to be friends and maybe get back together. What should I do ????
Kindly but firmly reply Thank you, but I do not want to be friends, need to move forward with life for me and myself alone. Please do not contact me anymore. After stating something like this. Just leave it alone. Do not reply to any more texts at all. He should get the hint.
Hope this helps some.
I am going through hell i have ended a really unhappy relationship with my ex partner who i have 3 children with, he has left the family home but will not stop texting me and ringing his children asking why i am doing this to him , he as even threatened suicide i just do not want to go back there any suggestions what to do ?
Talk with a professional about this, this is not only messing with your mind body and soul, but your children as well. Their should be local support groups in your area. Try Anon, check local meet up groups, find a local Pastor, community center. As a parent make sure your children emotional needs are secure and protected. Don't bad mouth their father, it will only bring confusion to their young minds, and could permanently damage them. Just protect the children . Find the support.
My gf won't leave me alone she doesn't want to leave I've told her it's over multiple times but she just won't leave she keeps saying she won't go she's becoming very violent and I don't know what to do I don't want to use violence and she won't listen to me when I try to speak calmly to her much less she won't take me seriously when I say to her I don't want to be in that relationship with her anymore and i wished she would leave and let me be but she won't go what do I do?
file a restraining order, if she comes near you call the police and theyll throw her in prison
Is this mainly texting or physically talking?