Cutting the Cord: How to Deal With a Persistent Ex
Breaking up with your boyfriend or girlfriend is hard to do. But it's even more difficult when your ex won't leave you alone after the breakup. I figure there are at least two different reasons why an ex won't let go. Either they want to get back together with you, or they are just trying to get back at you.
When they don't get the message your relationship is over, you will have to clarify again exactly how you feel.
Clarify the Message that the Relationship is Over
When they don't get the message your relationship is over, you will have to clarify again exactly how you feel. Try not to approach this difficult issue when you're frustrated or angry. However, the more clear and direct you can be, the better. But remember, always be kind. Sooner or later, your ex will get the message.
Clarify the Boundaries
It is important to establish boundaries for yourself. While you're working on letting things cool down between you and your ex, try to avoid places and situations where you know he/she might be. If it gets to a point where you are continually made to feel uncomfortable, it might become necessary to talk directly to him/her again. Be prepared to say exactly what he/she is doing and how it makes you feel.
You might even want to take a friend with you when you talk to him/her. You need to be confident in this situation, as your ex might be looking for hope that you want to get back together. This is the time to be firm because you really want them to get the message. This is not the time or argue or fight. You are merely communicating your boundaries.
You may be tempted to go back into the relationship because you think you remember how good it felt to have somebody.
Get Back into a Relationship with an Ex?
You may be tempted to go back into the relationship because you think you remember how good it felt to have somebody. This is especially true if you have been sexual with each other, or you feel sorry for the other person. If you have one or two close friends, tell them why you are breaking up with your ex and ask them to remind you why you broke up when you start thinking about getting back together again.
Listen to my call with Vanessa who's pregnant and still has feelings for her baby's father who cheated on her and pulled a knife on her mom.
I also talked to Ty who says: My bf is an alcoholic, drug abuser and other things. But I don't know how to break up with him because every time I try to he gets VERY suicidal. I have to stay with him but I can't because it hurts me too much seeing him like this. I asked him to stop drinking and he said he would, but he hasn't, and I'm afraid that if he keeps doing this it's going to get to where he might hurt me.
Act Like an Adult and Firmly End It
Kalya says it's been three months since she left her boyfriend and he continues to provoke her. Her advice is priceless: When it's time to let go, do it, there can be no comparing or second-guessing, it just has to be done, especially if you are unhappy and worry all the time. You should not have to babysit your lover.
By communicating firmly and directly, you are acting like an adult. This kind of behavior will lead your ex to increase their respect for you, and finally get the message that you are no longer interested in having a relationship with them.
Are You in Danger From Your Stalking Ex?
If you feel like your situation is dangerous, please tell someone...a parent, trusted advisor, principal, friend or even the police. Sometimes serious measures must be taken to free yourself from a troubled ex. Don't wait until it's too late.
Listen to my call with Candice. The father of Candice's son hit her mom and won't leave her alone. She has a restraining order against him but he keeps trying to come to her house and he's called her over 200 times in the past month.
Be Strong
You don't need to face this struggle alone. God promises that He is with us and will help us whatever the struggle. He tells us to be strong and not afraid because HE IS WITH US.
"Be strong and courageous. Do not be frightened, and do not be dismayed, for the Lord your God is with you wherever you go.” Joshua 1:9
Don't back down from what you know is right for you. Ask God to give you the strength you need.
Hi! I have a bit of a similar situation here. But the problem is, my ex keeps contacting me even after 5 months! We dated for a few months last spring and ended things last summer. The break-up itself went ok - but we did the break-up on skype because we live in different countries since June, me in Sweden him in Canada. We both knew that we were gonna live in different countries so on, so he suggested that we stay friends. Because I knew that it would mean to just not cut off completely and staying in contact I thought about giving it a shot (anyways we would not be seeing each other physically because of the distance.) A month later it started to feel weird for me to still be in contact with him a few times a week (plus during the "friend-time" he sent me a long hand-written letter calling me 'honey' and 'sweetie', saying that he misses me and thinks about me every day and reminiscing our time together. Seriously?!) so I decided that I want to end this for good. Would maybe have done it in person if we had been living in the same city but since we live in different continents, I thought that a fb message can do it.
So, in the end of August I wrote him on fb that being in contact with him has started to feel weird, that the idea of staying friends with an ex doesn't seem to work in this case and that I don't feel that I can fully move on if we're still in contact with each other - even as friends. I was honest and straightforward in my message but also polite and calm. The next day he sent me 37 fb messages ranting how this is a wrong decision to make, that I'm immature and all in all just insulting me. The following day he wrote me "whoa, I was drunk yesterday." I blocked him on fb a week later because he really started scaring me off. During the past 4 months he has sent me 2 e-mails, 1 parcel which contained a hand-written letter and 2 jars of honey (another seriously?!), 1 holiday card and yet another letter, this time with pictures of us. I haven't replied to him by any means (I also blocked his e-mail address) because I thought that me being straightforward in my fb message of August would be enough and because he scares me and I don't want to be in contact with him at all. I thought that me not replying to him would give him the hint. I've been told that he'll eventually stop contacting me but it's already been 5 months and he doesn't seem to stop. He doesn't have my phone number and we luckily live really far from each other so I know that things could be worse. But this still bugs me and I don't know whether me moving to a new place at some point would be the only solution since my postal address is the only way that he still can reach me out.
Any suggestions?
Return to sender! You don't have to say anything at all. Next time the post comes with something from him, have it returned to him!
Have you read this guest blog? http://www.thehopeline.com/abuse-in-relationships-can-turn-into-tragedy/ It's a true story and has some resources for getting help. Please chat with a HopeCoach anytime for advice on what to do - http://www.thehopeline.com/gethelp
We care about your safety!
What do you do when you can't marry the person you loved for 3years but then the person who you've been arranged to marry to, is just as amazing and loving and you've fallen in love with him and want to be with him but the ex boyfriend won't stop emailing you and threatens that he will destroy you for breaking his heart..
My ex from when I was a freshmen in high school ( I'm 21 now) hasn't stopped trying to get in contact with me. They try to find me on Facebook, my number, or any socia media app or anything. When I was a senior in high school he tried to get back together when I replied to a message but I had to stop the contact because he was becoming very controlling and demanding we get together. I blocked his number and never heard from him. However He has shown up to my home three times before. He showed up randomly at my door step 3 years without contacting each other. It's honestly scaring me. He knows his number is blocked so he tries to reach me through other media. I've constantly told him to leave me alone because he DEMANDS we get back together. We dated for 6 months freshmen year in high school and we broke up because he was very controlling and emotionally abusive. I have no idea what to do now.
Yes, stalking is a serious matter. Have you read this true story? http://www.thehopeline.com/abuse-in-relationships-can-turn-into-tragedy/
Chat with a HopeCoach if you need help figuring out what to do. http://www.thehopeline.com/gethelp/