Cutting the Cord: How to Deal With a Persistent Ex
Breaking up with your boyfriend or girlfriend is hard to do. But it's even more difficult when your ex won't leave you alone after the breakup. I figure there are at least two different reasons why an ex won't let go. Either they want to get back together with you, or they are just trying to get back at you.
When they don't get the message your relationship is over, you will have to clarify again exactly how you feel.
Clarify the Message that the Relationship is Over
When they don't get the message your relationship is over, you will have to clarify again exactly how you feel. Try not to approach this difficult issue when you're frustrated or angry. However, the more clear and direct you can be, the better. But remember, always be kind. Sooner or later, your ex will get the message.
Clarify the Boundaries
It is important to establish boundaries for yourself. While you're working on letting things cool down between you and your ex, try to avoid places and situations where you know he/she might be. If it gets to a point where you are continually made to feel uncomfortable, it might become necessary to talk directly to him/her again. Be prepared to say exactly what he/she is doing and how it makes you feel.
You might even want to take a friend with you when you talk to him/her. You need to be confident in this situation, as your ex might be looking for hope that you want to get back together. This is the time to be firm because you really want them to get the message. This is not the time or argue or fight. You are merely communicating your boundaries.
You may be tempted to go back into the relationship because you think you remember how good it felt to have somebody.
Get Back into a Relationship with an Ex?
You may be tempted to go back into the relationship because you think you remember how good it felt to have somebody. This is especially true if you have been sexual with each other, or you feel sorry for the other person. If you have one or two close friends, tell them why you are breaking up with your ex and ask them to remind you why you broke up when you start thinking about getting back together again.
Listen to my call with Vanessa who's pregnant and still has feelings for her baby's father who cheated on her and pulled a knife on her mom.
I also talked to Ty who says: My bf is an alcoholic, drug abuser and other things. But I don't know how to break up with him because every time I try to he gets VERY suicidal. I have to stay with him but I can't because it hurts me too much seeing him like this. I asked him to stop drinking and he said he would, but he hasn't, and I'm afraid that if he keeps doing this it's going to get to where he might hurt me.
Act Like an Adult and Firmly End It
Kalya says it's been three months since she left her boyfriend and he continues to provoke her. Her advice is priceless: When it's time to let go, do it, there can be no comparing or second-guessing, it just has to be done, especially if you are unhappy and worry all the time. You should not have to babysit your lover.
By communicating firmly and directly, you are acting like an adult. This kind of behavior will lead your ex to increase their respect for you, and finally get the message that you are no longer interested in having a relationship with them.
Are You in Danger From Your Stalking Ex?
If you feel like your situation is dangerous, please tell someone...a parent, trusted advisor, principal, friend or even the police. Sometimes serious measures must be taken to free yourself from a troubled ex. Don't wait until it's too late.
Listen to my call with Candice. The father of Candice's son hit her mom and won't leave her alone. She has a restraining order against him but he keeps trying to come to her house and he's called her over 200 times in the past month.
Be Strong
You don't need to face this struggle alone. God promises that He is with us and will help us whatever the struggle. He tells us to be strong and not afraid because HE IS WITH US.
"Be strong and courageous. Do not be frightened, and do not be dismayed, for the Lord your God is with you wherever you go.” Joshua 1:9
Don't back down from what you know is right for you. Ask God to give you the strength you need.
You should definitely take this seriously. The harrassment is not ok and it reveals a lot about him. Please chat with a HopeCoach to find out what you can do - all chats are free and confidential - http://www.thehopeline.com/gethelp/ Here is a true story about an ex that wouldn't leave a woman alone and killed her - http://www.thehopeline.com/abuse-in-relationships-can-turn-into-tragedy/
My ex and I broke up over two months ago but he still texts me, and I can't stop him because I don't have the option to block his number with my phone. He doesn't want to get back together or anything its just a constant stream of abuse, accusing me of leaving him for someone else, calling me names, etc. I've tried to make him stop by telling him to but he ignored it, so I've been ignoring him for a month. He called me a hundred and sixteen times in twenty minutes just so he could tell me to__ off... I don't know what to do?!
Hello!
So I was in an relationship with a guy for 6 years. We lived together most of this time. I broke up 6 months and half ago because we're from different countries and have very different future life plans (I want to move to another country and he has other plans for himself which he is not willing to sacrifice). Before breaking up I tried to adapt to his lifestyle by moving back to his country (where we had always lived together) and do my life there but that's not what I want for me mainly because I didn't feel he was committing (he finished school 2 years ago and only plays music-his passion) whereas I am at a totally different stage of my life trying to have a good career and want to build a family in the future. After the breakup (which happened at long distance by text- I know really bad!) he tried to get back together. After that I did try to get back but he didn't want at the time - which now I see as something right to do (although I am still in the acceptance phase I am pretty sure this is the right thing to do!). Anyway, throughout these months he has always contacted me! and I am really trying to move forward because I have redeemed myself for breaking up (tried to talk to him several times on the phone only which he never accepted) but I am not going to humiliate myself and besides I was always the one to sacrifice everything and he never sacrificed anything for me! In any case, he has always contacted me every week (or sometimes more than that) throughout the months through links and stupid sentences like (You will always be everything for me...) but never accepted talking. While I accepted that he didn't want to talk and I have decided to move forward (I took him out of social media etc. and even met someone very interesting) he keeps contacting me! I already told me not to contact me which didn't help... he keeps liking my family pics on facebook all the time, commenting these pics with hearts for example, last week he tried to call me (for the first time!), he asked me if he could call me on sunday which I said 'sure' - he never called - and 2 days ago he sent me a message saying he saw a couple fighting and that reminded him of us, that he couldn't understand how we got to this point and that's life and that I would always be everything for him that he never did and never will love someone like he loved me (he says this kind of things for months!) and I am sick of this... I don't know what his purpose is... I am avoiding blocking him on facebook because one the one hand I don't want to give him that much importance and on the other hand we did live a lot together... In any case, this last message he sent me set me back on the process (because although I accept this is for the best, that last message made me start thinking of him again grrrr...). Anyway I know I don't want him unless he commits which will never happen... What are your suggestions about what I should do regarding this (i ignore him all the time and he keeps liking my family pics and sending me msgs and already told him not to contact me which made him contact me even more)? Thank you for your help and cheers!
I'm going through something very similar and I understand not wanting to block him. If you've unfriended him, you can change your privacy settings so only friends can see your page, comment on your things, or message you. On your phone, set him a custom ring tone that is silent, or mute his text message thread. You'll still get all the phone messages but can choose whether or not to respond when you have the time. Best of luck to you!
Thanks for reaching out for help. Sounds like this relationship is really toxic for both of you. At TheHopeLine you can chat with a trained HopeCoach about your situation and come to some healthy solutions for both you and your son. All chats are free and confidential. http://www.thehopeline.com/gethelp/ Even though your son might miss her, he is also learning an unhealthy relationship pattern by observing the two of you.
I have an ex boyfriend, I not only go to the same school as him but we both work in the same work force. I broke things off with him, when I realized that I knew him by lies. He is sexist, racist, homophobic, bias, self-centered. He was trying to control what I do when I do it and who all i hung out with. He kept throwing racist comments non stop. When at work or school he never let me be myself. I have a few family members that I care about that are gay and he would try to make me stop talking to them, i was never a low to spend a minute alone without having to message him or he would snap. Every time I tell him to stop, i need my space, or anything to that nature he would start screaming provanity and attacking the closest thing to him. I was honestly afraid of him. He was bringing back bad memories of my childhood when I lived with my birth father. The only way I was able to break up with him was through message, so he wouldn't interrupt me.after work one day, we were both schedule the same shift, he tried to force himself on me in the parking lot. I was being resistant. At school the next 5 months he started spreading rumors around about me, saying that I was a slur, a whore, a bitch, and so on. Everyone who knows me knew they were just that. Rumors, I'm still a virgin. Now he's starting the rumors up again starting at work now. He's telling people that we did it when we haven't. Both myself, our managers, principal, school counselor, my friends, my family, and his friends have told him to stop repeatedly. But he doesn't listen.