Breaking up with your boyfriend or girlfriend is hard to do. But it's even more difficult when your ex won't leave you alone after the breakup. I figure there are at least two different reasons why an ex won't let go. Either they want to get back together with you, or they are just trying to get back at you.
When they don't get the message your relationship is over, you will have to clarify again exactly how you feel.
Clarify the Message that the Relationship is Over
When they don't get the message your relationship is over, you will have to clarify again exactly how you feel. Try not to approach this difficult issue when you're frustrated or angry. However, the more clear and direct you can be, the better. But remember, always be kind. Sooner or later, your ex will get the message.
Clarify the Boundaries
It is important to establish boundaries for yourself. While you're working on letting things cool down between you and your ex, try to avoid places and situations where you know he/she might be. If it gets to a point where you are continually made to feel uncomfortable, it might become necessary to talk directly to him/her again. Be prepared to say exactly what he/she is doing and how it makes you feel.
You might even want to take a friend with you when you talk to him/her. You need to be confident in this situation, as your ex might be looking for hope that you want to get back together. This is the time to be firm because you really want them to get the message. This is not the time or argue or fight. You are merely communicating your boundaries.
You may be tempted to go back into the relationship because you think you remember how good it felt to have somebody.
Get Back into a Relationship with an Ex?
You may be tempted to go back into the relationship because you think you remember how good it felt to have somebody. This is especially true if you have been sexual with each other, or you feel sorry for the other person. If you have one or two close friends, tell them why you are breaking up with your ex and ask them to remind you why you broke up when you start thinking about getting back together again.
Listen to my call with Vanessa who's pregnant and still has feelings for her baby's father who cheated on her and pulled a knife on her mom.
I also talked to Ty who says: My bf is an alcoholic, drug abuser and other things. But I don't know how to break up with him because every time I try to he gets VERY suicidal. I have to stay with him but I can't because it hurts me too much seeing him like this. I asked him to stop drinking and he said he would, but he hasn't, and I'm afraid that if he keeps doing this it's going to get to where he might hurt me.
Act Like an Adult and Firmly End It
Kalya says it's been three months since she left her boyfriend and he continues to provoke her. Her advice is priceless: When it's time to let go, do it, there can be no comparing or second-guessing, it just has to be done, especially if you are unhappy and worry all the time. You should not have to babysit your lover.
By communicating firmly and directly, you are acting like an adult. This kind of behavior will lead your ex to increase their respect for you, and finally get the message that you are no longer interested in having a relationship with them.
Are You in Danger From Your Stalking Ex?
If you feel like your situation is dangerous, please tell someone...a parent, trusted advisor, principal, friend or even the police. Sometimes serious measures must be taken to free yourself from a troubled ex. Don't wait until it's too late.
Listen to my call with Candice. The father of Candice's son hit her mom and won't leave her alone. She has a restraining order against him but he keeps trying to come to her house and he's called her over 200 times in the past month.
Be Strong
You don't need to face this struggle alone. God promises that He is with us and will help us whatever the struggle. He tells us to be strong and not afraid because HE IS WITH US.
"Be strong and courageous. Do not be frightened, and do not be dismayed, for the Lord your God is with you wherever you go.” Joshua 1:9
Don't back down from what you know is right for you. Ask God to give you the strength you need.
I broke up with my ex a year ago. we only stopped talking a few months ago as I got fed up entertaining her since I wasn't ever truly invested in being friends with her (she almost always reached out first and often bombarded me with texts$. it confused me sometimes because being around her made me think I still loved her, but when I was away I enjoyed my life without her and meeting new women. she still contacts me on occasion and though I never respond, will she give up and just move on? I don't want to be harsh to her but I've moved on and don't see it important to be her friend.
By not wanting to be harsh you cause more pain in her. Be harsh. Tell her the truth, honestly, respectfully. Cut through the wound like a surgeon so that she can heal. I know what I am talking about. I am in her situation, and I'd rather have to deal with the naked truth. Dumpers, don't try to protect the dumpee. They have to face their own pain: it is the only way for them to grow.
Hi ive been broken up with my ex since 2013 dec. And weve pretty much been on and off most of the time and since our break up just about the same... but he was in a relationship. It wasnt until i got pregnant that i found out and i aborted the baby... still dea
Ing with that hurts, since i used to feel that was opposed to my beliefs. Ill admit since our break tho, there hasnt been a year that has passed that we wasnt sexual at least once. I loved him i guess and maybe im struggling to let go but make many attempts. Eveytime im almost not ever thinkin of him he pops back up. The last time we were invovled was in January of this year. After realizing i was once again making a mistake. I decided to end things again... i ultimately feel, amongst other things, were just all around toxic for each other. Now he just stopped by after i told him not to come around anymore for the thousandth time. And there we were back and forth arguing for a half hour about why i want nothing to do with him. He tried coming on to me, but his true colors always show. Eventually he left but in my heart i feel like he will be back. I dont want to get the authorities involved. But truly i want to move on and be done with him. We have no children toghether or any other ties, but whenever he has no one to talk to just wants to have sex he comes around. I cant take it anymore and dont know what to do.....
It sounds like you have been on a wild roller coaster ride and you are ready to get off the ride. It will take courage, but you sound like you are ready to do it. We can help you brainstorm some ideas for setting boundaries with him. Chat with us online anytime 24/7 https://www.thehopeline.com/GetHelp/ You can do this!
My ex won't leave me alone. We broke up back in 2012 and had stopped talking until about a year ago. Then he decided to bug me. Asking me questions about my life and such. It got really ugly really fast. He keeps insulting me and refuses to respect the fact that I'm in a relationship. I've told him countless times to leave me alone and stop contacting me but he does it anyways and says he "can't understand why I get so upset" at one point even my boyfriend told him to f* off but he's still not listening and I'm becoming more and more frustrated and I don't know what to do because he's not hurting me and he's not threatening me he just won't leave me alone.
3 years? Thats a weird time to suddenly start talking again. Maybe try talking to him because something is up and you can come to and ending that works for both of you.
3 years? thats a weird time to start talking again. did something happen? maybe something came up? try talking to him and maybe you can work out a peaceful ending
Emma- These are great ideas! Thanks for sharing them here.
My Ex and I broke up a while ago. It got to the point where I found myself fantasizing about being away from her and being with other people. Feeling the way I felt after wrestling with my emotion for a few month I told her it wasn't working. She did nothing wrong other than annoy and ridicule me for the little things. I found myself starting to resent her so i gather my strength and belongings and I bounced. The whole while I was gone she contacted me everyday two or three times a day telling me about her day and life and I felt like "why are you bothering me I don't care." she tricked me good said she was moving on and that she just wanted to be friends and that she found someone else. She said she was going to move and that she wanted me to take over her lease just incase it didnt work out. I was like its a win win cause i needed a place to stay. All of a sudden after moving in she breaks it off with dude and tells me she wants to try a relationship with me again. 4 months later im cohabitating with my ex and she is driving me crazy. she found condoms in my coat and then starts going in on me like im cheating on her, but were not together and i tell her that every time she tries to be possessive of my time. the truth is i need to move but easier said then done i just want my life back any suggestions? anyone in the same position ?