Answers to Tough Questions
I want to answer a couple of questions I've been asked recently about why girls sometimes dress provocatively and also about how guys sometimes brag about the girls they are with. Both are touchy subjects, but I hope that in the process of honestly answering these questions we will all learn what it means to relate to each other in a healthy way. I hope my answers will help give you more self-love and confidence.
Here was the first question from Michael:
"Why do girls dress so provocatively one minute, then complain that guys are superficial the next?"
This is a difficult question with many sides to it. One part of the answer is that some girls feel confident if they receive attention for the way they dress. It's nice to be noticed. Often girls even dress to impress other girls, maybe even more than guys. But for many girls it's even more important to fit in. Many young women feel it is social suicide to try to stick out in the crowd or wear something no one else is wearing. So, if all the girls are dressing in short skirts and low-cut shirts, they better do it as well, they think. Sometimes the styles may be more provocative than a girl feels comfortable wearing, but due to peer pressure, she will wear it anyway.
Some girls might not even realize that how they are dressing can affect guys. Don't get me wrong, some girls know exactly what they are doing, but some are just wearing what they think looks good. Since guys are sexually driven by what they see, it becomes easy for them to objectify women based on how they are dressed, but that doesn't make it right.
What Message Are You Sending?
So please know ladies that what you wear often sends a message...whether you intend it to or not. If you are flaunting your body, guys will be tempted to come after your body. However, if you advertise who you are on the inside, with such traits as kindness, gentleness, sensitivity, great personality, etc., they will be drawn to you for that.
Guys, it is important to realize most women want to be loved and respected for who they are on the inside. It's just the lies of the culture regarding how best to attract men confuses things. As a guy, when you compliment a girl, you have an opportunity to tell her she's beautiful, without expectations on what her response should be. Women often want to be thought of as beautiful, but they don't want to be disrespected. That's a fine line, but I believe it's possible for mature guys to walk that line.
The next question is also complicated, and it is from Tiana:
"Why do guys feel the need to brag about the girl they are with, and their sexual relationship with her?"
Unfortunately, some guys do like to talk to other guys about their sexual conquests. I think this often comes out of deep insecurity and a desire to impress other guys. It's a competition thing. If one guy has more success with women than others, his ranking in the group goes higher. That is why there is not only bragging, but exaggerating, and even downright lies about their experiences with women. When this happens, it shows a guy's immaturity and lack of respect for the opposite sex. These particular guys are working hard to develop a reputation as a macho guy. Watch out for these guys because they are more concerned about themselves than the girl they are with. Don't lose heart, there are good guys out there who don't behave in this way.
This kind of bragging is certainly not done to impress other women, as women are usually completely turned off by the idea of a guy talking about what he did with other women. Women respect a man more who can keep silent about what happens in private. Real manliness is when a guy fights to protect a women's reputation and feelings. Little boys like to exaggerate. Real men who are confident and secure don't have to brag to feel good about themselves.
It seems like the bad guys get all the good girls. Why does this happen? There are several different reasons for this to happen.
So what about these women that play the hypocrite? Why do they get mad at the men they attract, when they KNOW how they are dressing because "They're proud of their bodies?" Then they say that only the MEN are in the wrong?
You're blaming a person for their clothes though.. How do you not see the lunacy in that? lol! Men can walk around in shorts and absolutely NOTHING else, and no one says it's provocative, and they don't blame his clothing for his bad woman, but a woman shows a bit of cleavage and it's her fault men lose their minds and she has a crappy guy? OK.. lol.
We need to be careful with that kind of talk. A man wearing only shorts would not be provocative in most settings because he is a man. A woman doing the same would certainly be provocative because she is a woman - it's not gender appropriate to do so. A man is a man. A woman is a woman. There is a profound difference, so we need to not confuse the two.
It goes the other way too. It is rarely appropriate for a man to wear a dress or halter top - these are simply not gender appropriate clothing choices.
What a load of sexist b*******. Akiko Fujishima is right. We AREN'T IN THE DARK AGES ANYMORE. People should be able to wear shorts to keep cool in hot weather. That's right. PEOPLE not just the XY chromosome ones.
Well said Akiko Fujishima, women being held responsible for men's lousy behaviour is ridiculous.
Some of the attitudes on here are blatantly misogynistic and right out of the Dark Ages.
Debbie, but wouldn't you rather a man be attracted to your mind...Your goods should be for his eyes only and not for everyones eyes, but, in private especially if you don't want a man to lust for your body..You don't have to dress like a nun, but not a food dish either...If that's the case, that would be the only thing he would attracted too
I appreciate your response; it is relief to hear your words depicting a woman whom is attractive in heart, mind, spirit, and whom only shares herself physically (visually included) with her husband (though you said "man").
Yupppp
A female body is not "goods" and incase you missed the memo of the last century or two, women are not property we are citizens of this country. The sexualisation of female bodies is the problem here, not what a woman or girl is wearing.
The word "goods" in this context is deeply offensive. Referring to a woman as a "food dish" is incredibly creepy and gross too. Women are not "goods" we are people, with human rights. Women haven't been the property of men for hundreds of years incase you've forgotten.
Sprayed-on leggings and compression pants,, short sweaters and jackets that do not quite cover the...then, when the season changes, short-shorts, skirts like wide belts, low necklines, "strappy" tops, low-riding jeans, especially with those adorable tears in the legs, cheerleader uniforms, and need I mention revealing yoga wear?
I have read and personally heard every single argument against men ogling women- the "perv" argument (how is obeying nature "perverted"?)- the "objectifying" argument (I *never* consider women as objects; more often, I have been inclined to treat them as goddesses, to my grief)- the "addiction" argument (I am not addicted to anything, *clinically*, and that is the only definition i accept)- the "hurting your partner's feelings" argument (I have made a covenant with my one good eye, and with my wife, not to ogle anyone in her presence)- and lastly the "angry boyfriend/ dad/ mom" argument (the law is on *my* side, and if anyone tries anything physical, I will give them a Mace face and/or a shellacking; and again the law will back me. My self-defense trumps their self-righteousness).
Having considered all the erroneous, morally-pretentious arguments against ogling women, and I definitely include young women (yes, even those teenage cheerleaders in Jacksonville, whose middleage female chaperone gave me a self-righteus stare), I keep coming back to the same statement. I will keep this statement with me unless and until I discover some new and contradictory evidence (something along the lines of natural selection of favored races *not* being the origin of species). *I shall ogle women all I want,with my two decades of life and my one eye; Just as long as women keep dressing for the eye, they will, by the Web of Life, get mine!*
to get a guys attention
Hi Mr. McAllister
What I'm wondering is a addictive to how women dress provocatively.
What I want to know is why do women dress proactively when they go out despite being in a relationship? To me dressing up in such a manner means you want attention from other men, and it's like advertising merchandise that already taken. Do they not see it as disrespectful and hurtful to their partner to see them dress in such a manner knowing that would have men look at them in a sexual manner while their not their ?
No, it doesn't mean they want attention from other man. They want attention from a particular men. It can be the one they are with, or a particular one they are after. It can also be that they feel good dressing sexy or to show other women. If its for you Joshua, you will know by the way she looks and smiles at you.
Men are visual. For a woman to dress in provocative clothing is hurtful to a man, as they recognize men may look at their wife/significant other. I desire my wife dress modestly. The ida that women only want the attention of their one man may be true, but those women are ignorant of how men work - we are visual (and definitely value internal, personal qualities - heart, etc.). I desire a woman whom dresses modestly. She is to be mine, and for no other man.
Women and girls are not your property, your wife belongs to herself not to you or anyone else. Believe it or not women and girls have more important things to think about in our lives than men and what men do or do not find attractive. If you don't like other people's clothing choice you don't have to look at them.
That's a crock. You're dressing that way in public, in front of your significant other, (Note IN PUBLIC) is the same thing as your man ogling another woman other than you.
The word "merchandise" here is deeply offensive. Women and girls are not merchandise or property of any kind, we are people. Also not everything in our lives revolves around men and relationships, sometimes clothes are just fashion or we liked the colour, and funnily enough have more important things in our lives to think about, such as careers and education, than "being attractive" or some random stranger's opinion of our clothing choice.