What to Know About Cheating
Why Do People Cheat on People They Love?
It's really hard to understand why people cheat on people they love. Sometimes, people decide to cheat because they feel unloved, or like they have fallen out of love, with their partner. Sometimes, they feel the romance is gone from their relationship, and having an illicit romance gives them a sense of excitement. Sometimes they feel deep shame, pain, and regret, and they don't feel like their partner can know about it, so they turn to another person. Other times, there may not appear to be a logical reason your partner has hurt you in this way.
Regardless of what happened, or the reasons they give you, remember not to take on the responsibility or blame. If you've been cheated on by your spouse or partner, their choice to be unfaithful was not your fault. It is their responsibility to understand where they went wrong and accept the consequences of their behavior. Rather than running back to them at the first sign of regret or apology, it's important for you to take the time and space you need to heal. After all, re-entering into a relationship with someone whose dishonesty hurt you so deeply may not be emotionally safe. Talking with a mentor or counselor can help you understand and heal from the pain of cheating in a safe space with someone you can trust.
Cheating
This is not an "every-guy thing," you know. Lots of boyfriends are honest, they keep to their promises, and they do. not. cheat. When it is time for a dating relationship to end, they end it and move on. In other words, they don't start something with another girl while they are still in a dating relationship.
Some of you girls are already thinking On what planet do those guys live? I've never known a guy like that. If that is the case, maybe you need to start hanging around with a different group of guys.
If you have a history of dating cheaters or know way too many girls who have, then you might need to rethink how you pick your boyfriends. We'll get to that later.
And, yes, I know girlfriends can cheat too, but today we are going to talk about boyfriends.
Reasons Guys Cheat
There is lots of advice floating around in books, blogs, and everyday conversations about why guys cheat. But if you haven't figured this out yet, you will eventually discover that many reasons are really not that complex.
The male approach to dating lies somewhere between that of a caveman and a mechanical engineer, often more like the caveman. So, I have simplified the WHY of cheating by whittling it down to five things. This is not intended to be a complete list, mind you. But understanding these few simple things about guys could help you a lot.
1. Boyfriends Cheat Because They Want Out of the Relationship
Dustin wrote: I think the 2 main reasons why guys cheat goes like this: 1) Guys get stuck with a clingy girl. He figures maybe she'll change over the course of a few months. He really likes the girl for a lot of her character traits but notices that she's not going to let him go.
Miss Insecurity is dating Mr. Self-Confident, and with that relationship, she is trying desperately to plug some pretty big holes in her own self-esteem. She becomes obsessed with her boyfriend. You know how that usually turns out...clinginess, jealousy, anger, tears. But Miss Insecurity doesn't want to press Mr. Self-Confident too hard about his commitment. She would prefer to assume (or in some cases, dream) he is as committed to her as she is to him. But Mr. Self-Confident isn't committed at all and is in fact, trying to figure a way out.
One reason guys cheat is that they want out of the relationship, but aren't man enough to just break up, so they cheat in order to have an excuse to get out.
(BTW, guys have to deal with insecurity just as much as girls.)
Dustin continued: 2) Guys just want sex from a girl. The girl isn't willing to give them sex just yet, so they stick around. They wait for a while, giving promises of everlasting love until they finally get what they want. Then they stick around a little longer and say Hey!...so I've met this other girl (who I've had sex with without you knowing) and I just don't see things working out between us...so Yeah.
2. Boyfriends Cheat Because Their Relationship Goals are Different
Then there are guys who are very willing to talk about the relationship. They make lots of promises, using words like, "I love you," "you're so beautiful," and "spend our lives together."
The girlfriend might be saying the same words, but there is a difference. Some girls give a lot and put up with a lot in order to get what they want most...the relationship. And most often, in the end, they end up with a broken heart.
On the other hand, some guys (including the ones more likely to cheat) come at it from the other direction. They get excited about the relationship too, but only because the relationship is the way to get what they want...usually sex.
It's pretty simple.. she wants a relationship, so much so, that she is willing to offer sex to get it. He wants sex, even if he has to give some relationship to get it. But cheating violates the relationship, not the sex. To put it bluntly...guys cheat because the relationship was never their goal...it was the sex.
3. Boyfriends Cheat Because They Aren't Strong Enough to Resist the Temptation
Boyfriends who cheat don't always do it with a plan in mind. Remember, guys are not that complex. You probably know about some girls who stalk guys like sexual predators- they try in every way they can to get them to cheat. Unfortunately, some guys just don't have what it takes to refuse.
4. Boyfriends Cheat Because of the Influences Around Them
Check this out...when it comes to being faithful to wives and girlfriends, one of the most important factors is a guy's parents. Generally speaking, guys who grow up in homes where their parents cheat, find it much easier to do the same thing.
Counselor Gary Neuman asked 200 cheating and non-cheating husbands about why they cheated. He found that 77% of cheating men have a good friend who also cheated. Some guys give in easily to the temptation to cheat because that is what their friends and family do. You should not judge a guy by what those around him do, but don't underestimate the power of influence.
5. Boyfriends Cheat Because They Got Away With It Before
Do you remember Tiger Woods? He was married to one of the hottest women on the planet, but he was a big-time cheater with lots of women. (BTW, only 12% of cheating husbands in the Neuman study said that the women they cheated with were more physically attractive than their wives.)
The guy cheated once, then twice, then three times. It became easier and easier to give in, harder and harder to say no. If you are dating a guy who cheated before, there is a good chance he will cheat on you too, even if from the beginning he never planned it that way. If he has cheated more than once, it is even more likely that it will happen again.
Bears Repeating - This is Not ALL Men
These five reasons don't paint a very favorable picture of guys...so let me reiterate, this is NOT all men. And while it might be hard for a cheater to change his ways, it's not impossible. I believe sometimes people are truly ashamed of a choice they made and would like to undo the past. In fact, if you are the Cheater here are 5 Life-Changing Steps for you! My point in this blog is to point out things to look for and consider if you find yourself in a relationship with someone who cheats.
What Does It Mean When a Guy Cheats on His Girlfriend With You?
First and foremost, it means you cheated too. If you didn’t know he had a girlfriend, it wasn’t intentional, but you do need to step back and respect the person he cheated on before you pursue or demand a relationship with this guy. If you knew he had a girlfriend, then you knowingly cheated, and it’s time to examine why. We all make mistakes, and it’s important to avoid falling into a toxic shame spiral. But it’s also important to be honest and accountable for your actions.
You can’t read his mind, or his heart, or predict his next steps. If you are in love with him and want to be with him, you can communicate that to him, but say it once, say it clearly, and then wait for his response. Continuing the relationship behind someone else’s back isn’t fair to anyone. Letting him continue to speak to you or see you while he’s still with someone else is up to you, but it is a continuation of the cheating behavior.
Once you’ve stepped away from him, whether you’re stepping away from him for good or until he breaks up with his girlfriend, you need to take some time to reflect on what you really want. You can spend time wondering what he wants, whether he’s choosing you, or what it means that he cheated to be with you, but in the end, the only person whose mind, heart, and actions you control is you.
Reflect on what the future would look like with this guy:
- If he cheated on her to be with you, would you be able to trust him to be faithful to you if he met someone else he was attracted to? Or would you be constantly worried about him cheating again?
- Do you believe you have a genuine connection with him? Was lust and the excitement of something forbidden part of what brought y’all together? Is what you have a solid foundation for a lasting, healthy relationship?
- Do you feel your personal values align with his? Is he a person you can imagine a future with? Is he someone you would want to see yourself within a year, two years, five years?
- Do you feel like you are your best self when you’re with him? Is he someone who encourages you to act within your integrity, pursue personal growth, and chase your dreams? Or is he someone who just makes you feel comfortable with the status quo and excuses behaviors you don’t like seeing in yourself?
When you find yourself in the position of being “the other woman,” you have an opportunity. Will you use this opportunity to get to know yourself better, hold yourself accountable to your values, and seek the support you need to grow?
Can a Man Cheat and Still Love His Girlfriend?
It’s important to remember that the choice to cheat rests on only one person’s shoulders: the cheater. There is nothing that the cheater’s betrayed partner did or didn’t say or do to force that choice. Sure, maybe the relationship wasn’t the healthiest, leading the cheater to desire connection outside of it, but there is no excuse for betraying someone who trusts you rather than choosing the brave path of communicating about your problems or breaking up if you’re not happy.
Now, can you cheat on someone you love? Sure, people betray those they love all the time. From borrowing your sister’s sweater without permission to asking the girl you know your best friend has a crush on to prom, you’re going to make a decision that leaves a loved one feeling betrayed at some point. The real question is, what’s going to happen with that relationship after the betrayal?
In this scenario, two decisions need to be made:
- The man who cheated has to decide if he’s willing to take responsibility for what he’s done and work like he’s never worked before to rebuild trust with his girlfriend. He has to be ready to make serious changes in his lifestyle, own up to his failures, and commit to personal growth that isn’t going to be comfortable or convenient. His other option is to let her go. If he can’t handle being faced with the consequences of his actions, like being there for her when she breaks down in tears over random triggers, being willing to cut off contact with unhealthy friendships, going to therapy, or allowing her to see his phone whenever she wants, etc. then he needs to decide to end the relationship. Otherwise, this cycle will most likely repeat itself.
- The girlfriend who got cheated on has to decide if she wants the kind of love this man can give her. Sure, he “loves” her, but he chose to be with someone else and betray that love. No matter what kind of trust is rebuilt from that point on, the past cannot be rewritten. She has to decide if she would rather do the hard work of breaking up with him, grieving that relationship, and moving on with her life or the hard work of grieving the betrayal, healing from the trauma, and learning to rebuild trust with this man she loves. Either path is difficult, and either path is an understandable choice. But the choice has to be made.
Giving it a Reason Doesn't Make it Hurt Any Less
Just because you may now be able to determine the reason your boyfriend cheated on you, it doesn't mean it hurts any less. In fact, it might hurt even more. So I want you to know, right now, that you can and will get through this. Many others have walked this path before. You might learn some tough lessons through the process, but you can come out on the other side of this stronger and ready for a healthy relationship.
In the meantime, God wants to help heal your broken heart. He promises this in the Bible:
If your heart is broken, you’ll find God right there; if you’re kicked in the gut, he’ll help you catch your breath. Psalm 34:18 MSG
The only condition is that you need to look to God for help, pray to Him and share your feelings with Him
God met me more than halfway, he freed me from my anxious fears. Look at him; give him your warmest smile. Never hide your feelings from him. When I was desperate, I called out, and God got me out of a tight spot. God’s angel sets up a circle of protection around us while we pray. Open your mouth and taste, open your eyes and see—how good God is. Blessed are you who run to him. Psalm 34:4-8 MSG
God is waiting to comfort you in your pain. It's up to you whether or not to accept it.
You know they are cheating on you, but what are you going to do next? Read - Your BF/GF is Cheating on You...Now What?
It's hard to for to talk about it... But here it goes. I was in a relanshionship with a guy for 8 years and he was the most amazing guy in the world. It took about 6 months for me to start loving him and everything was great for 4-5 years. Then we started to leave in the middle of the night going with his friends in other cities and discovering he has cheating on me. I always told myself it's not true and he will come around but he never did and after some time I used to travel for 4 months at a time and the last time he cheated on me with my best friends sister. She also had a boyfriend at the time and after I broke up with him he had a child with her and eventually married her. I was possessive and jealous of course after all that happened and he accused me that my insecurities pushed him away when he tried so hard to make us work and nothing could make me happy anymore. After all of that I moved overseas and he was calling me telling me I need to come back and that he left her. I found out he didn't and he didn't wanted to be alone and wait for me to change my mind. Then the texts started to come less and less until he finally decided she was his better option. It took me 2 years so recover and turn down every guy out there. No sex for 2 years thinking every guy is a bastard, just dates and found some really nice guys but I just couldn't see them being on my life and eventually I gave up on dating until my sister created me a dating profile and start dating again. Again, some guys were really nice but I choose to go with the funniest of all and we were so happy togheter and melting in each other's eyes. Then he jokes were not that funny anymore, starting to be insulting to other people and I realized something was wrong but I said at least he is nice with me and I hate almost every guy out there anyways and oh we have such an awesome time every single day. He told me I should move in with him because I used to live with my ex and I told him my parents didn't know about it for many years because they were overseas and they will not let me do it with him only if I get married. I noticed he had a really serious problem with alcohol that he was trying to hide. After he dropped me home he went by himself to drink and when I finally found out he told me I know he's an alcoholic and it's no reason why he should admit such an embarrassing thing. He finally proposed and asked my parents if I can move in with him, they said no. It was hard for him, but went along with it. Seeing his behavior getting so bad and saying he's a car salesman and they always lie I started to have doubts about the marriage and I told him we are not right for each other. He didn't took no for an answer. He never did. He said he pushed me to be with him because he never gives up and I never loved him. Which I started to think it was true. Then he bought a house asking me if its big enough for me if I see myself in it and I said yes. He started to change and didn't pay so much attention to me, being distracted and then I started to find hairs on the brushes and he told me it's mine. I know I wasn't. An extra toothbrush(he said he was using both) one for the shower one for the sink. And told me he loves me and never cheated on me and I should stop being insecure. Well, I couldn't disregard all of it. And after we had a fight( before Christmas) he asked me for the ring back and didn't want to get back together in any way. He finally did and he started to behave very bad with me and insulting me and then come back to normal and break up with me again fighting thru texts for a week and then getting back together. Until then he never wanted to be a day alone even when we were fighting so I accused him of some more cheating. And get together for another week and he camed from nowhere wanting to break up and asking me for a prenup being afraid I'm going to leave him and take all his money. Then have up on that idea and asked me to move in. We finally agreed on weekends together. I looked on his laptop and I found him on dating sites but luckily was just for a day
And then he didn't go back on it and looking for prostitutes on Craigslist and giving them his number and picture and a lot of porn with pregnant women that he had watched. Told me he didn't think ill come back when he knew we can be together all that week all he had to do is give up on the moving thing. After that I found pictures he took in a dirty hotel with the room and his legs in the deleted folder on his phone. He didn't wanted to admitted but he finally did. He cheated on me when we were fighting about the moving and texted me while he was with her and telling me we cannot see each other until I move and that he cheated on me before Christmas with her( an escort which was always pregnant with her boyfriend) that he knew since 2010. He said if you called me a cheater all the time I got mad and I did it. It's no winning with you and you wouldn't believe me anyway and he asked me to leave and that he knows he can't talk his way out of it. Then changes his fb status to single changes his profile picture and went on dating sites. I agreed to see hijacker his dad convinced me it was my fault too because he felt rejected and the wedding was on and off all the time and took the ring back and gave it to him back all the time so we talked about it and told me he had cancelled the venue( the wedding was supposed to be in 3 months) kissed me fast and told me you know you don't kiss hookers, right? The next day he spoke with his dad which was very convincing and told me he wants another chance and if we are together or not because he can't handle arguing anymore and not knowing where we stand. I asked him to call me and he said he had a rough day, doesn't know what he wants anymore and that makes him mad and needs time to think. I tracked his phone and found out he was at the hotel with her and called him. He called me back after half an hour and told me he was drinking and I send him his location and finally admitted it and said he didn't wanted to see her it's just stres relief. The next day he asked me to see him for lunch and didn't reply so he texted me he left me a gift underneath the car( pots with strawberry and blueberries). I know it's my fault with my insecurities too and he is very confident in himself but when he told me his bipolar and self medicates with alcohol because he had bad reactions to medications I said I didn't believed him and told him doctors always find something wrong with everyone. I never met a bipolar person and I always thought his energy and depression it's normal and some impulsive decisions. I love this energy and the things we do together and the way I feel when I'm with him. I know what I have to do- not see him again but it's so darn hard.
I don't know what to do. I have been seeing this guy at work who has been in a 3 year relationship. I have been getting intimate with him for the last 2 years on and off. In the last year I have developed strong feelings for him. All I think about is him. I tried to end it as my conscious is telling me to. But he doesn't want to at the same time he ignores me when he wants. Everything is on his terms when I should text and not. I don't know what to do. I really have fallen for him.
Which is why you don't ever start anything up with a guy who is taken, you develop strong feelings and then what....
If he is a cheater now he will always be. You never know if he will meet somebody who he want to leave you for. My advice is to move on and find somebody who you can trust.
Life is to short if you need to cheat on your partner your probably with the wrong person so leave him and find the right one..Dont hurt them by being unfaithful!
So I need some help my boyfriend and I have been together for about 3 years now and I saw that our 2 tear old daughter was on he's phone so I had her give it t me so she didn't tear it up. and I happen to see that she was on his messages and there was a pic and when I opened it up there was a naked woman..... I had woke him up and asked him who the woman was but he says he don't know.. and then I asked him tolet me see his facebook and he said ok what ever.... and I looked back and found a woman he was and I think is still talking to.... but heres the messed up part I know her and its nasty because she slept with her half brother and now he's sending nasty pics to her and she is too.... and in some of there text they talk about having sex... and now I just wanna scream at him so much but he denies it all the way.