What to Know About Cheating
Why Do People Cheat on People They Love?
It's really hard to understand why people cheat on people they love. Sometimes, people decide to cheat because they feel unloved, or like they have fallen out of love, with their partner. Sometimes, they feel the romance is gone from their relationship, and having an illicit romance gives them a sense of excitement. Sometimes they feel deep shame, pain, and regret, and they don't feel like their partner can know about it, so they turn to another person. Other times, there may not appear to be a logical reason your partner has hurt you in this way.
Regardless of what happened, or the reasons they give you, remember not to take on the responsibility or blame. If you've been cheated on by your spouse or partner, their choice to be unfaithful was not your fault. It is their responsibility to understand where they went wrong and accept the consequences of their behavior. Rather than running back to them at the first sign of regret or apology, it's important for you to take the time and space you need to heal. After all, re-entering into a relationship with someone whose dishonesty hurt you so deeply may not be emotionally safe. Talking with a mentor or counselor can help you understand and heal from the pain of cheating in a safe space with someone you can trust.
Cheating
This is not an "every-guy thing," you know. Lots of boyfriends are honest, they keep to their promises, and they do. not. cheat. When it is time for a dating relationship to end, they end it and move on. In other words, they don't start something with another girl while they are still in a dating relationship.
Some of you girls are already thinking On what planet do those guys live? I've never known a guy like that. If that is the case, maybe you need to start hanging around with a different group of guys.
If you have a history of dating cheaters or know way too many girls who have, then you might need to rethink how you pick your boyfriends. We'll get to that later.
And, yes, I know girlfriends can cheat too, but today we are going to talk about boyfriends.
Reasons Guys Cheat
There is lots of advice floating around in books, blogs, and everyday conversations about why guys cheat. But if you haven't figured this out yet, you will eventually discover that many reasons are really not that complex.
The male approach to dating lies somewhere between that of a caveman and a mechanical engineer, often more like the caveman. So, I have simplified the WHY of cheating by whittling it down to five things. This is not intended to be a complete list, mind you. But understanding these few simple things about guys could help you a lot.
1. Boyfriends Cheat Because They Want Out of the Relationship
Dustin wrote: I think the 2 main reasons why guys cheat goes like this: 1) Guys get stuck with a clingy girl. He figures maybe she'll change over the course of a few months. He really likes the girl for a lot of her character traits but notices that she's not going to let him go.
Miss Insecurity is dating Mr. Self-Confident, and with that relationship, she is trying desperately to plug some pretty big holes in her own self-esteem. She becomes obsessed with her boyfriend. You know how that usually turns out...clinginess, jealousy, anger, tears. But Miss Insecurity doesn't want to press Mr. Self-Confident too hard about his commitment. She would prefer to assume (or in some cases, dream) he is as committed to her as she is to him. But Mr. Self-Confident isn't committed at all and is in fact, trying to figure a way out.
One reason guys cheat is that they want out of the relationship, but aren't man enough to just break up, so they cheat in order to have an excuse to get out.
(BTW, guys have to deal with insecurity just as much as girls.)
Dustin continued: 2) Guys just want sex from a girl. The girl isn't willing to give them sex just yet, so they stick around. They wait for a while, giving promises of everlasting love until they finally get what they want. Then they stick around a little longer and say Hey!...so I've met this other girl (who I've had sex with without you knowing) and I just don't see things working out between us...so Yeah.
2. Boyfriends Cheat Because Their Relationship Goals are Different
Then there are guys who are very willing to talk about the relationship. They make lots of promises, using words like, "I love you," "you're so beautiful," and "spend our lives together."
The girlfriend might be saying the same words, but there is a difference. Some girls give a lot and put up with a lot in order to get what they want most...the relationship. And most often, in the end, they end up with a broken heart.
On the other hand, some guys (including the ones more likely to cheat) come at it from the other direction. They get excited about the relationship too, but only because the relationship is the way to get what they want...usually sex.
It's pretty simple.. she wants a relationship, so much so, that she is willing to offer sex to get it. He wants sex, even if he has to give some relationship to get it. But cheating violates the relationship, not the sex. To put it bluntly...guys cheat because the relationship was never their goal...it was the sex.
3. Boyfriends Cheat Because They Aren't Strong Enough to Resist the Temptation
Boyfriends who cheat don't always do it with a plan in mind. Remember, guys are not that complex. You probably know about some girls who stalk guys like sexual predators- they try in every way they can to get them to cheat. Unfortunately, some guys just don't have what it takes to refuse.
4. Boyfriends Cheat Because of the Influences Around Them
Check this out...when it comes to being faithful to wives and girlfriends, one of the most important factors is a guy's parents. Generally speaking, guys who grow up in homes where their parents cheat, find it much easier to do the same thing.
Counselor Gary Neuman asked 200 cheating and non-cheating husbands about why they cheated. He found that 77% of cheating men have a good friend who also cheated. Some guys give in easily to the temptation to cheat because that is what their friends and family do. You should not judge a guy by what those around him do, but don't underestimate the power of influence.
5. Boyfriends Cheat Because They Got Away With It Before
Do you remember Tiger Woods? He was married to one of the hottest women on the planet, but he was a big-time cheater with lots of women. (BTW, only 12% of cheating husbands in the Neuman study said that the women they cheated with were more physically attractive than their wives.)
The guy cheated once, then twice, then three times. It became easier and easier to give in, harder and harder to say no. If you are dating a guy who cheated before, there is a good chance he will cheat on you too, even if from the beginning he never planned it that way. If he has cheated more than once, it is even more likely that it will happen again.
Bears Repeating - This is Not ALL Men
These five reasons don't paint a very favorable picture of guys...so let me reiterate, this is NOT all men. And while it might be hard for a cheater to change his ways, it's not impossible. I believe sometimes people are truly ashamed of a choice they made and would like to undo the past. In fact, if you are the Cheater here are 5 Life-Changing Steps for you! My point in this blog is to point out things to look for and consider if you find yourself in a relationship with someone who cheats.
What Does It Mean When a Guy Cheats on His Girlfriend With You?
First and foremost, it means you cheated too. If you didn’t know he had a girlfriend, it wasn’t intentional, but you do need to step back and respect the person he cheated on before you pursue or demand a relationship with this guy. If you knew he had a girlfriend, then you knowingly cheated, and it’s time to examine why. We all make mistakes, and it’s important to avoid falling into a toxic shame spiral. But it’s also important to be honest and accountable for your actions.
You can’t read his mind, or his heart, or predict his next steps. If you are in love with him and want to be with him, you can communicate that to him, but say it once, say it clearly, and then wait for his response. Continuing the relationship behind someone else’s back isn’t fair to anyone. Letting him continue to speak to you or see you while he’s still with someone else is up to you, but it is a continuation of the cheating behavior.
Once you’ve stepped away from him, whether you’re stepping away from him for good or until he breaks up with his girlfriend, you need to take some time to reflect on what you really want. You can spend time wondering what he wants, whether he’s choosing you, or what it means that he cheated to be with you, but in the end, the only person whose mind, heart, and actions you control is you.
Reflect on what the future would look like with this guy:
- If he cheated on her to be with you, would you be able to trust him to be faithful to you if he met someone else he was attracted to? Or would you be constantly worried about him cheating again?
- Do you believe you have a genuine connection with him? Was lust and the excitement of something forbidden part of what brought y’all together? Is what you have a solid foundation for a lasting, healthy relationship?
- Do you feel your personal values align with his? Is he a person you can imagine a future with? Is he someone you would want to see yourself within a year, two years, five years?
- Do you feel like you are your best self when you’re with him? Is he someone who encourages you to act within your integrity, pursue personal growth, and chase your dreams? Or is he someone who just makes you feel comfortable with the status quo and excuses behaviors you don’t like seeing in yourself?
When you find yourself in the position of being “the other woman,” you have an opportunity. Will you use this opportunity to get to know yourself better, hold yourself accountable to your values, and seek the support you need to grow?
Can a Man Cheat and Still Love His Girlfriend?
It’s important to remember that the choice to cheat rests on only one person’s shoulders: the cheater. There is nothing that the cheater’s betrayed partner did or didn’t say or do to force that choice. Sure, maybe the relationship wasn’t the healthiest, leading the cheater to desire connection outside of it, but there is no excuse for betraying someone who trusts you rather than choosing the brave path of communicating about your problems or breaking up if you’re not happy.
Now, can you cheat on someone you love? Sure, people betray those they love all the time. From borrowing your sister’s sweater without permission to asking the girl you know your best friend has a crush on to prom, you’re going to make a decision that leaves a loved one feeling betrayed at some point. The real question is, what’s going to happen with that relationship after the betrayal?
In this scenario, two decisions need to be made:
- The man who cheated has to decide if he’s willing to take responsibility for what he’s done and work like he’s never worked before to rebuild trust with his girlfriend. He has to be ready to make serious changes in his lifestyle, own up to his failures, and commit to personal growth that isn’t going to be comfortable or convenient. His other option is to let her go. If he can’t handle being faced with the consequences of his actions, like being there for her when she breaks down in tears over random triggers, being willing to cut off contact with unhealthy friendships, going to therapy, or allowing her to see his phone whenever she wants, etc. then he needs to decide to end the relationship. Otherwise, this cycle will most likely repeat itself.
- The girlfriend who got cheated on has to decide if she wants the kind of love this man can give her. Sure, he “loves” her, but he chose to be with someone else and betray that love. No matter what kind of trust is rebuilt from that point on, the past cannot be rewritten. She has to decide if she would rather do the hard work of breaking up with him, grieving that relationship, and moving on with her life or the hard work of grieving the betrayal, healing from the trauma, and learning to rebuild trust with this man she loves. Either path is difficult, and either path is an understandable choice. But the choice has to be made.
Giving it a Reason Doesn't Make it Hurt Any Less
Just because you may now be able to determine the reason your boyfriend cheated on you, it doesn't mean it hurts any less. In fact, it might hurt even more. So I want you to know, right now, that you can and will get through this. Many others have walked this path before. You might learn some tough lessons through the process, but you can come out on the other side of this stronger and ready for a healthy relationship.
In the meantime, God wants to help heal your broken heart. He promises this in the Bible:
If your heart is broken, you’ll find God right there; if you’re kicked in the gut, he’ll help you catch your breath. Psalm 34:18 MSG
The only condition is that you need to look to God for help, pray to Him and share your feelings with Him
God met me more than halfway, he freed me from my anxious fears. Look at him; give him your warmest smile. Never hide your feelings from him. When I was desperate, I called out, and God got me out of a tight spot. God’s angel sets up a circle of protection around us while we pray. Open your mouth and taste, open your eyes and see—how good God is. Blessed are you who run to him. Psalm 34:4-8 MSG
God is waiting to comfort you in your pain. It's up to you whether or not to accept it.
You know they are cheating on you, but what are you going to do next? Read - Your BF/GF is Cheating on You...Now What?
I'm not exactly sure where to begin. I needed advice and finally turned to the internet which I found pathetic, until now..
I have always been the kind to leave one relationship and jump into another, I don't know why but that's just how it usually was. The one I was with would do me wrong and then i would jump into another relationship. Maybe to feel wanted, needed, i never really gave myself time to think or grieve in between them. In the past i never did a guy wrong, i would rarely text other guys flirt on occasion but nothing terrible, I never physically cheated, until now.
I have been with John for 1 year and 3 months. I started dating him right after i broke up with a guy who had cheated on me. Our relationship isn't exactly perfect but we try to do the best we can for each other. At first it was absolutely amazing, perfect, passionate, I didn't know him for that long, a few weeks, until i slept with him. We were in the moment and the tension was insane, but it was amazing and i do not regret it. I'll also just go ahead and add that sex is something that i love. On paper John is the perfect man, handsome, has a great job, sweet, caring, doing what he can to make me happy and i doing the same for him. We went through a lot together. I was with him for about 9 months i think when i cheated on him the first time, it was just a few kisses. I told him about it before anyone else could say anything to him, but i didn't tell him the truth, i told him that the guy was drunk and didn't mean to and apologized for it the next day, that was the story i made up and i stuck with it, i am very good at telling lies and making them believe every word of it, he always believes everything i say. the second time i cheated it was with an older man about 28, at first i was jus going to his apartment and we would watch movies and cuddle, then it turned into kisses, then it turned into sex, mind bowling sex. I kept that going for about a little over a month then i told the older man that i couldn't do it anymore, i can't keep cheating on John for the rest of my life. During that month and a half i took a one week break with John that i was hoping would turn into a breakup because i kept telling myself, If i love John so much and I'm happy with him why do i feel the need to cheat and get attention from other men? So after the older man faded out some how John got rumors of me sleeping with this older man, true rumors, but i told him a story of how when we broke up for that week that we just had lunch a time or two because i needed someone to talk to and that he was helping me at the gym. Well of course John believed everything i was saying, I'm not proud of it at all i hate it and i hate myself. Then recently At the gym i met a guy named Josh, a stand up guy who's into fitness as much as i am great personality, hilarious, great body, and he does off shore drilling, so he has money. It started off harmless but i knew it was going to end badly. I got his number he meets me at the gym we train, we flirt, we talk, its great. I talked to Josh about my relationship and why I felt the need to get attention from other people and when i meet someone why i feel the need to rethink my relationship and rethink why I'm with john, i didn't tell josh that I've slept with another man while being with John .Josh would tell me that its not healthy and i need to end it because it will only get worse. Im unsure if he's being truthful or if he's saying that because he's into me. So i think things through and call John and not necessarily tell him i want to break up but i tell him we have problems and that I'm just not happy anymore, and he's wanting to do everything he can to keep me, buy me anything, give me anything, do anything for me to stay, saying When he thinks of us he sees a house, a family, a future. I told him i was flirting with other men at the gym and giving out my number if a guy asked, he asked if i ever cheated of course i told him no.
Im still very unsure of what to do i want to leave but i want to stay i know if i stay i will most likely just go back to cheating.
A part of me wants to leave but a part of me wants to stay, if i keep cheating then John maybe isn't giving me everything i need to be happy.
Another thing stopping me is that I HATE doing breakups, there is so much emotion, and so much crying and they always want a reason why.
When John knew i was thinking about leaving, he told me that if i left he can't guarantee that there will be a chance of us getting back together. That scares me, what if i leave and its completely wrong and i can't come back to John? That's one of the things keeping me from leaving.
-I know i need help with this. please give me some insight on what i maybe should do or consider doing. i can't keep doing this forever...
Just break up with him. Your not satisfied with him if you are cheating, tell him the truth about cheating and go your separate ways.
I think you need to grow up and break it off for him this man is going to end up finding out everything and won't ever trust you if he really loves you he will end up staying with you and tryingg to work it out or dump you. You need to end it before he's hurt by someone he cares for, let him fall out of love so that when he finds out he was cheated on multiple times maybe he won't be so depressed.
Break up with him and tell him the truth of why. It will get the guilt off your chest and give him a chance to be happy. Its being selfish to do this to him. If theres no trust or communication, theres no relationship.
You're only hurting this man. If you care about him u dont want to hurt him and lying is just laughing at his face when he trust you. End the relationship and let him grieve and let him find a girl who won't take his trust and love for granted.
Quite agree there
Heyy, I love this story. If you really like him, don't hurt/lie to him. What you did isn't right but at the same time everybody messes up, right? To be straight up, tell him. If he really loves you he'll forgive you. If not to heck with it, its not meant to be & wish each other the best.
Take responsibility for yourself. You cheated period. You should come clean and break up with John. You don't love John. You only think you do. If you really did then you wouldn't have cheated on him. You're just using him to boost your ego. Truth is you're bored of him because he's too nice. He's too accommodating. You wanted some excitement in your life, so you decided to sneak around and cheat because it gives you a rush. Go find someone you actually want to be with.
You thought you were ready but you weren't were you? The truth is it sucks all around. Maybe John and you both deserve better. Hee deserves to be loved right just as much as you do. The thing that hurts is that your actions and lack of actions have consequences that Will ultimately harm both of you and ant others involved. Cheating is cheating. Emotional or physical...its cheating. If we can't be honest with ourselves who the help can we be honest with then? This is not to judge...but I know a pretty similar story to yours. Bottom line ...stop protecting yourself honey and do what's right. That means putting another first before your desires. That means being honest when it hurts and acknowledging that you messed up. But also know you can find forgiveness of yourself in the long run. You see, its not even about extra attention. Because you Will become bored with everyone. When we love people the excitement dies down, the butterflies aren't always there. We become accommodating because we Danny to make others happy. There's nothing wrong with you wanting to be happy...but happiness isn't found only in the thrills. Its found beyond that. Until you figure that out, everyone after Will always morf into a "John". Sad thing is...when you're finally ready to settle down...I mean really, you're going to want a "John" but may not realize what you want you had. Grass isn't always greener. Just my thoughts. Doesn't make them true for you and your story necessarily.
Wishing you the best "Rebecca" and I hope a true wisdom and clarity Will guide you past only fleshy desires.
if you really cared about john, you wouldn't hurt him like this. just because he doesn't know the truth DOESN'T MEAN IT DIDN'T HAPPEN. it happened- YOU MADE IT HAPPEN- you cheated, therefore YOU HURT HIM.
stop hurting him. you clearly are aware you have issues in relationships. you should break up with john and figure out what your issues are and work towards fix them so your future relationships won't suffer.
on another note, you may be cheating because you were cheated on in your last relationship. you want to know what it feels like to 'be bad.' john doesn't deserve this. you need to cut it off so he can go find someone that wouldn't do this to him.
Solid answer. Best reply I've seen so far. :3
I agree Rebecca needs to end things with John & then revaluate her life..
Work on loving yourself Rebecca take at least a year break from relationships & men altogether to work on yourself & all your hurt, pains & frustrations from all your relationships. Learn who you really are inner self confidence. Figure out what makes you happy. If you don't have the confidence or will power to break up when your not wanting to be with someone then your not ready for a relationship. Only be in a relationship for yourself & no one else. If you truly care about someone you'll never want to hurt them. Hurting someone is hurting not only them but yourself. After every relationship you need to take time to get to know yourself again. It takes half the time of a relationship you were in to get over someone. Always take the time to work on yourself first every time before getting back in a relationship. Remember how hurt You were any time you think to cheat & never do that to anyone again. Be Vulnerable when your ready.
Personally I am not a cheater but I am on the other end of it, hence why I am reading this article. I think you do need to break up with him because he does not deserve this.. He sounds like a good guy and you don't want to tear someone apart. The damage is perminant sometimes. Trust me. And I think you need to stay away from all men and work on your self esteem so that you don't feel the need to get attention from other guys. I also badly need to work on my self esteem. Not really sure how to go about it but if you could at least get in touch with your self worth and be honest with yourself about how you feel/think about yourself. Cheating can lower yourself esteem and the number of guys you hook up with can affect it too.
Just tell John the truth be a lady. The truth will set you free. He will be crushed but get over and move on just like you.
I think your problem is you don't love yourself. You hate yourself, you said it a few times in your post. When you'll love yourself, you'll be able to love a man and you will never think of any other. Once you fall (litterally fallin his arms) in love, the world will stop turning and you'll see nothing else. It's a beautiful, powerful feeling and you will never cheat on him. Work on yourself before going to another lover and breaking the hearts of nice men all over the place.
While first of all if you tell him it's going to hurt him in if u don't tell him it's going to hurt him so u still going to hurt him
Hurting him was cheating on him, now he deserves the truth.
I think it's lame when someone who has cheated says they're keeping it a secret bc they're afraid to hurt their partner. Weren't too afraid to hurt your partner to cheat though... all that is, is not wanting to listen to their partner's pain they caused.
You actually have problems with relationships. If you like to betray and lie you should not be dating. Option 1. Go be single and have sex with whoever and remain single.
Option 2. Learn to be a person that can be trusted and honest. And only date when you actually want a relationship.
Agree about the issue being her.
You are never going to be satisfied. It is who you are in the here and now. The great thing is you have admitted that you have a problem. You truly need professional help only a trained professional can help you with. It is best to leave everyone alone and find yourself and the root of your problem. People are human, emotions are real. Someone may find you out and return the favor of cheating or worse hurt you physically. PLEASE. Get out and let them find the commitment they deserve elsewhere.
Wow!!!Sounds like you just NEED ALOT OF GROWING UP TO DO,YOUR BODY WASNT INTENDED TO BOUNCE AROUND FROM MEN TO MEN,YOU HAVE LOW SELF ESTEEM AND NEED TO WORK ON THAT!!!!VALUE YOURSELF WHILE YOUR STILL YOUNG,ITS NEVER TO LATE!!!!
Put yourself in John's shoes. How would you feel? Imagine that if you stayed with John, and you fell preg to another man; how do you plan to lie about that? What happens if he asks for blood tests, if he thinks the kid isn't his; then what? Most people think, this will never happen to them, but the truth is...it does. If he's had doubts you were going to leave; then sorry hon, he prob already expects the cheating. Just too hurt to say. Think of the future consequences, if you continue. Not just for John, but for yourself. Please seek counseling as for there might be some mental issues.
You will repeat the pattern. I am older, I have been you. The problem is you are looking to these relationships to fill a gap in you. Many times it can be from not getting enough attention in childhood. I jumped from man to man until I was 30. They were all great guys. I found excuses to abandon them all. I finally stopped the madness, went through 3 therapists to find the right one and took 3 years to work on me. Only then was I emotionally healthy enough to have what it took to truly love and be loved. Cheating is a huge red flag that you need to work on yourself. A cheater puts their fulfillment ahead of their partner and the level of selfishness we have to be able to cheat in the first place makes us incapable of loving and being loved. Once we know our worth, we no longer need to be selfish. We can be content. We don't need the excitement of cheating when we feel whole. If you want a beautiful life and relationship, spend time working on you. You may not believe this, its' not about the sex as much as you think.
I need advice..I've been divorced for 10 yr I started to date someone younger than I, not knowing it would turn into a wonderful relationship. ..He is very confident respectful hardworking man with no criminal record, ...I'm clear in my mind as to what I'm in need I am not confused...though one glitch he has a girlfriend he has been with for 6 years..it's been a year since we've enjoyed each other's company...I'm wondering if perhaps this is just a messed up situation?? Any advice ...As I don't date married men....and he has no children!!...yet family oriented
Run. He had 2 women at one time. He was able to manage both. (Lying and so forth) I'm guessing he hasn't left this girl of 6 years. And I don't know of how everything stopped for you two...but He sounds like a, for lack of better words, player. If you want a good relationship keep looking. Last thing you want is to be the girlfriend of 6 years and he's found someone else to spend time with.
Just remember that could be you someday. And no matter what he says (cause sweet talkers are usually liars) think about what you really want. What's best for you. And imagine yourself years from now. Where do you want to be. Do whatever makes you happy. Cause you are the one who has to life your life. Trust your instincts, if it feels wrong then it probably is.
His a player . That's what they do . They make you feel wonderful . Unfortunately I really feel for his girl of 6 yes cuz I am sure she loves him and if she finds out it will devast her .
Woman code : Don't be that home wreaker
please dont do this. I was in relation with one guy for last 9 years. he cheated me. I was not aware about her second GF. The day i came to know he told me to get lost. Now m alone not even getting guy to marry bcoz i have waisted my good time n age. I have no option now m just struggling....
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I have been dating my guy for 4yrs in the beginning I thought it was nothing serious I made a mistake and cheated on him but I confess to him for three months I received silent treatment and after alot of pleading he said he forgive me but for the past 2yrs out of the 4 it been one cheating to another I have photo proof kissing and smiling together but he never take a picture with me and every time I caught him he his always saying sorry am tired of the relationship but I don't know how to end it I always find myself going back to him. .please what should I do. .
Break up with him. If he comes back he cares. Imagine your life like that for the future years, is that what you want? But if he does, i wouldn't except him back. It would be allowing him to do it to you and to the next girl he is with.
He's a man so his pride won't ever let him forgive you walk away sweetheart
My bf and I have a history we have known each other for 6 years and have a 5 year old together. We only started dating in 2013 and I caught him cheating on me with a hooker on his birthday and the day before a planned romantic getaway weekend. When he came home he told me he didn't know why and it only happened once and will never do it again he love me and doesn't want to lose me but I am deeply hurt I can hardly look him in the eyes. Idk what to do.
That would be really hard to forgive. Not sure I could do it.
pray and read the bible....surrender your life to Jesus christ....He wil lead your life....this is best solution that I can give you....
Be done with that!!
I was separated from my husband and started seeing an old friend whose relationship was "winding down" . We began a passionate relationship. He broke up with her then got back with her and lied to us both. So for 3 years he lied to her and for 6 months lied to me AND her. What kind of a man does this?
He married her for a reason. If a man cheats on his woman with another, he is very likely to do it with the next woman he is with.
The kind that doesn't mind doing it.
The kind that got away with it.
So we as partners aren't supposed to be inquisitive, look for clues on their phones, search history if we have a hunch bc then we just being crazy, but if we are trusting of them and they cheat, there is an overwhelming feeling of stupidity on our part for... Not being smarter and noticing the signs.
I was with a man for 11 years and just found out yesterday all the lies he told me and that his wife he supposedly left and was divorcing was sleeping with him and living with him the whole time! I talked to his wife. This is how I found out. He lied to her too. When he went with me on weekend vacation he told her he needed time to himself and slept in his car. We were getting married on my birthday in September, we picked out rings, I picked out a dress. We even chose the location and at sunset on the beach. Only to find out he still had a wife. What kind of man does this? He was not a man. He was a little boy, who got his hand caught in the cookie jar. I believe his wife of 20 years is forgiving him and I was left with a broken heart and unbearable pain. Leave, don't cheat. He still is unaware that I know everything. He is on a romantic weekend with his forgiving wife. To men and women who cheat; so much damage is done. The pain is something beyond anything that I have ever known. Leave. Don't cheat.