Everyone who is currently dating needs to ask the question: Am I in love, or am I in lust? Whatever you do, don't mess up on this question or you will walk into a world of hurt.

What to Know About Lust

Reasons Lust Is Destructive

Lust means over-desire. It is when you take something good, twist it, and add cravings to it so you are consumed until you are gratified. When we speak of lust as it relates to relationships with the opposite sex, it can be defined this way: when a person's body is far more important to you than his or her soul.

Love is the foundation on which our families and society are based. Lust is just a physical emotion we act upon when we get caught up in the moment. However, most of us fall in love with someone we find physically attractive. Because of this, hurt and confusion can easily be caused when you or your partner confuse love and lust with each other. Lust is an intense sexual desire or appetite that is based on self-gratification and has little to do with true feelings for the other person. As someone once said, "Lust is as different from love as night is from the day." That's because love is an act of the will, covered with a deeply passionate and tender affection for another person. Lust wants to get, love longs to give.

It's easy to think, "So what's the problem with lust?" After all, it is all around us, in songs, movies, advertisements, etc. Lust sells because it appeals to the dark side of us that only wants to get.

Here Are Two Serious Problems With Relationships Built on Lust:

1.  It Is Based on Extreme Self-Indulgence, Not Caring About the Other Person. Someone once said, "Hate is the opposite of love." That is true, but so is self-indulgence. Love can hardly wait to give. Lust can hardly wait to get. Lust turns people into liars, deceivers, and manipulators. Their actions towards others are based on the craving to get. Just as a junkie will do about anything to get his fix, someone steeped in lust will do about anything to be self-gratified.

I received an incredible, insightful comment from Sarah. She said, "I dated guy after guy who would only tell me that they loved me when we were being physical. That was when they loved me. The rest of the time I was an object of abuse and rejection." Sarah was wrong in one sense. She said, "They loved me when we were being physical." She should have said, "They loved themselves when we were being physical and I was the object of their gratification." Lust is always ugly because it is self-indulgent and self-centeredness is never a pretty thing.

2. It Abandons the Other Person When It Is No Longer Getting What It Wants. I can't tell you how many times girls have called me on my show to announce they were pregnant, their boyfriend is long gone, and they are left all alone. I call it sex-and-run. I hate hit-and-run accidents because the person who is running is showing zero responsibility towards the person they hit. Lust that causes sex-and-run is even worse. As soon as lust no longer gets what it wants and is forced to face responsibility, it runs...leaving heartbreak in its path. Sex and run is an ugly thing full of selfishness and irresponsibility.

Samantha said, "I have been in this situation a couple of times. I went out with a guy for a year and a half which ended up being a waste of time. I thought I loved him, but I just loved being with someone because I was afraid of being alone. He only wanted me for my body—that was all. I didn't give it to him, so he cheated on me for a long time." It's amazing to me how quickly people in lust scatter when they figure out that their lust will not be gratified.

Aimee Rose sent me a cool comment I had never thought of before. She said something like this: "I've heard you can never fall out of 'love', but you can always fall out of lust." You're right on the money, Aimee Rose. Lust will die in an instant if it is not being fed. In fact, lust can turn to anger when it is rejected.

Lisa M. said, "About 6 months ago, I was with this guy, and I thought it was love. I mean, he said all the right things and did all the right things. I thought I was in love, but it turned out that the relationship was nowhere near love. We had a lot of fights and arguments about sex because he was ready and I wasn't. Well, he didn't get what he wanted, so he got up and left. For a long time, I was dazed and confused, but finally, I got to thinking that if that was love, then he wouldn't have cared about sleeping with me; he would have just gotten pleasure from being around me."

Lust attacks not only guys, but females as well.  So always keep your eyes open for it so you can do all you can to protect yourself from this destructive monster. You deserve so much better. You are worth so much more. Remember, lust kills, but love brings life.

Does Lust Cause Cheating?

Lust, in its essence, is an intense desire or craving, often rooted in physical attraction. While it's a natural human emotion, its impact on relationships can become destructive if you let it get out of control. The link between lust and cheating is not a direct cause-and-effect relationship. There are a lot of factors that go into someone’s decision to cheat on their partner, but it’s true that lust can be, and often is, one of those factors.

The feeling of lust is fun. You get caught up in anticipating some form of physical intimacy, so much so that just thinking about someone can flood your brain with feel-good chemicals that can make it hard to make good choices. That’s when you’re in dangerous territory—your brain starts caring more about getting to the source of those delicious brain chemicals than it does about your values, and if you don’t step in to put a stop to it…. Lust can convince you that whatever it wants will be worth the fallout.

The influence of lust on cheating can manifest in various ways:

• Emotional Disconnect
• Excessive focus on lust or physical desire may lead you to feel emotionally distant from your partner. You’ve traded the rush you get from lust for the true intimacy you could be developing with them. That creates a void that lust might convince you to fill outside of your relationship.
• Impulse Control
• Lust can lead to impulsive decision-making, where the immediate satisfaction of your desires overshadows your consideration of long-term consequences.
• External Temptations
• Your environment can have a significant impact on how you manage lust or desire. If you’re surrounded by friends who talk about their amazing sex lives, play games or watch shows where the characters have frequent or graphic sex, or have a friend who’s been cheating on their partner…. All of that information goes into your brain. Some of that input may trigger lust for you or make you feel like cheating is normal or okay. Learn how to recognize when something like that comes up so that you can navigate your feelings instead of being ruled by them.
• Communication Breakdown
• If you’re not talking to your partner about what you both want out of your relationship, that’s a recipe for unmet needs. When there are misunderstandings or mismatched desires for intimacy, lust can creep in and convince you that you’re missing out when all you really need to do is talk. Instead of building a wall between you and your partner and looking for what you want by cheating, try communication.

Ultimately, the decision to cheat is nobody’s fault but yours. Sure, lust may have played a factor, but lust isn’t the boss of you. You’re responsible for your actions. That said, understanding how lust can tempt you to cheat is an essential step toward being an emotionally healthy partner.

We all want that long-lasting meaningful relationship, but we tend to rush into things. Read my blog to find out how to find that relationship.