The very idea that someone wants to die is frightening. As a result, suicide is not an easy topic to discuss for many people. But suicide is preventable and talking about suicide does save lives. If one person can be saved from suicide by talking about it with someone, it is worth it; especially if that someone is you.
How to Handle Suicidal Thinking
Talking About Suicide Save Lives
I am amazed at the many powerful and wise comments I have received from you about suicide. I asked you to tell me why you think people contemplate suicide and you had some amazing insights. It is clear that it is usually not just one thing that compels someone to feel suicidal. You said it is a combination of a lot of things, including:
- pain
- loneliness
- rejection
- abuse
- guilt
- depression
- helplessness
- hopelessness
More than anything, I believe people who live with depression and suicidal thoughts feel hopeless. They are hurting so badly and want nothing more than for the pain to end. Unfortunately, they cannot imagine the pain ever going away. They cannot see the light at the end of the very dark and lonely tunnel they have found themselves traveling down. Have you ever felt this way?
Why Is Suicide So Common Among College Students?
For most students, college is a time of “firsts.” For the first time, you’re faced with living outside your parents’ home, managing your own schedule, deciding on an academic trajectory, working or taking out loans to pay for school, making new friends, getting to know a new environment, etc. Trying a new thing is always going to be a bit stressful, even if you’re excited about it. Trying a million new things all at once? Very stressful.
Without support, self-care, and a certain level of familiarity with mental health, times of transition and stress are very likely to impact us emotionally. College is a time when loneliness, hopelessness, depression, and anxiety have a lot of opportunities to take hold of you. On top of that, the typical age range of a college student (18-24) is a time when many mental illnesses manifest in patients. Whether you’re in college or not, these years are when your brain may develop symptoms of anxiety, depression, schizophrenia, bipolar disorder, etc.
Between the stage of brain development that most college students are in, and the stress level they’re experiencing in a time of high expectations and constant change, it’s no surprise that suicide rates are especially high within this particular population.
So what can you do about it? If you or someone you know is headed to college, get on the school’s official website and explore what kinds of resources they offer for mental health. Most campuses have health centers to support their students’ needs, and many of those now offer services like counseling or support groups that are free for students. Get familiar with that resource so that if you need it, you can use it! And even though college is a busy time, make sure that caring for yourself is a top priority. Adequate sleep, nutritious food, exercise, other types of rest, and social support are all crucial elements of a healthy college experience.
Don't Believe the Lies...You Matter
It is not uncommon for a person’s circumstances or their self-image to cause someone to think negatively about themselves.
Oftentimes, people consider suicide because they are unable to find any reason to make living worthwhile. They think their problems are unsolvable and they feel completely out of control. I believe first and foremost; hopelessness is a serious spiritual problem rooted in lies and faulty thinking. Anytime you believe lies that depression and suicidal thoughts tell you about yourself, you are listening to the wrong voices.
Jennifer said suicide has been a daily struggle for the past nine years due to being sexually abused. "I feel like suicide is the only option I have left, the only chance at peace I'll ever have. I just want the pain to stop. It's as if something will always be missing and life will never be quite right." There is no denying that the pain of sexual abuse can be tremendous. But the abuse is not Jennifer’s fault. She needs to find the hope that she can overcome this pain. Many people just like Jennifer have overcome abuse by talking about it with a professional counselor. She needs to learn how to stop punishing herself for her abuser’s actions.
Reach Out to Talk About the Pain...Never Give Up
Have you ever gone through something so painful you were convinced the pain was never going to go away? Many people who contemplate suicide say something like: I don't want to die. I just want the pain to stop. They think, "Because I’m in intense pain today, I will always be in pain." It is this kind of faulty thinking that can lead people down the path that leads to suicide.
Kas wrote: I think about suicide pretty much every second of the day. It seems like it's my only choice anymore. I know it's not the answer, but at times I just feel like I can't move on with this life anymore.
Substance Abuse Magnifies Suicidal Thoughts and Behaviors
If you are already living with suicidal ideation, it is important to remember that substance abuse only works to magnify these thoughts and behaviors. Alcohol makes depression worse, impairs thinking and judgment, and increases impulsivity. There is no safety without sobriety. Additionally, coping skills like alcohol, drugs, and self-harm, all fail – because they never address the actual root of the pain. They only serve to temporarily cover it up.
Jordyn wrote: Some people have suicidal thoughts because they want to escape the isolation, pain, and rejection from the environment surrounding them. Others simply feel they have reached a state of loneliness and depression in their lives to the point where their thoughts become so negative, that they can't find any other reason to live. They would rather not confront it because of the fear of hurt that comes along with it. I feel that when you go through times of depression and think about suicide, God is there by your side. He will not abandon you. It is only a matter of whether you reach out to Him through prayer that you will be free from these thoughts.
Mandy also wrote: "Part of the very reason people do what they do is because they have failed. Suicide is the result of irrational thinking in the illness of DEPRESSION. And when people reach that level, just as my father did on the 18th of January 2020, it was a reminder that even the strong fall... "
Depression is a real illness and needs real meaningful help. If you're thinking, "I just want the pain to stop", let us help you. To learn more about depression, please read this guest blog from our partner, Centerstone.
I have what i consider to be a plethera of problems. I am beautiful and very gifted. But i am cursed in many ways. I was born into a life that wasn't fair for me. I am currently 19 years old and i have a beautiful daughter who isn't even a year yet. I was diagnosed with Borderline Personality Disorder at an early age, and have been going to extensive therapy sessions every day since age 6. The truth is a lot is wrong. I was forced into prositiution and am still recovering. This is still a secret i hold with myself today. Both of my parents were alcoholics and drug abusers. My mother would lock us out of the house in below freezing conditions, or make us eat the scraps off the floor. The abuse was relentless. My own brothers were taken advantage of for child pornography. No this is not an exaggeration, this was my life. I was lucky and very blessed to have been adopted by my grandmother after both of my biological parents died. She is kind and driven, and she motivates me and has given me every possible tool to do the impossible. And that is too overcome. She does real estate and is very wordly, and always gives because she is a selfless person. I have alot of positive attributes from her. I am strong myself. I am attending an engineering school, and have a full ride scholarship. I even was blessed to have met some extrordinary people who fuel my dreams and passions. Which is to become a Pilot. I fly regularly and it gives me something to look forward too.. However, i am all alone. My family is all deceased or gone, and my daughter and i have no real help. I was diagnosed with Lupus and i am in pain on a constant basis. I seem to somehow destroy my relationships. I have came to the conclusion that I can not have a functioning relationship to due a lack of intamicy, abandonment issues, trust issues, etc. I am tired of living this way and desperately want to change. The only issue is the how. I am struggling with the how. Life is becoming more and more obselete and painful. I have a man in my life now, who is very important to me. He is kind and gentle with my daughter, but i have been so terrible lately and so shrouded in depression that i believe i have ruined that relationship too. He does not have any mental illnesses and doesn't understand me.I am incredibly misunderstood. I am beginning to feel more and more isolated, lonely and depressed in our seemlingly good relationship. Sex is bad, and i feel rejected. I don't feel wanted, and it messes with my head. No matter what I can't open up. Even though i am wanted. I also can't feel intamite or not see it as a transaction. We are living together and i think soon i will be moving again, as things won't be working out. Since this is the tenth time he has slept on the couch. I can't go down there to talk to him because i don't have anything to say. I am quiete and reserved with him out of my own fear. I don't know how to fix myself anymore. I just want to end all the pain, i want to die. For once, I want to be normal, to feel normal. To be able to be in public without feeling shameful about myself. I have already written a suicide note and have my exit plan within place. The only thing that holds me back is my daughter. She is innocent and deserves everything life has to offer her. I don't necessarily know if i can provide that, or if i can be the person she needs. However, i can say i did my best and that is al that matters to me. I have realized I am not my self anymore. I now believe i am a burden. I have thoughts that haunt me and aren't my own. One's that will help push me to make that forever descision of commiting suicide. I believe that it is time for me to go. I really do feel that i don't have anyone and i can't go to anyone. I have begun isolating myself over a period of time. I believe that it isn't just the unbearable pain, but that i am misunderstood. Nobody will ever understand this agony i endure on a daily basis. I wish things were different. I have given this a lot of thought, and this was not a simple decision for me.
Leslie this is JAY i am sorry i slept on the couch i always wanted you and loved you i still do i miss you ellie and luke our son and daughter know i am here
First, thanks to this site's owner for allowing me to be respectfully direct about my impressions about the contemporary US mental health situation. I'm encouraged there are people who want others' suffering to end. But I think the word "hope" in the expression "there's always hope" reflects a critical thematic misapprehension. According to the American Heritage Dictionary, "hope" is to wish for something with expectation of its fulfillment; to have confidence, trust; or to look forward to with confidence or expectation. It simply is not true that there is always something to look forward to with confidence or expectation. That is a biased assessment determined by a cultural value and an individual's reflection on her/his own life. It's not an objective fact. Hoping for something, or even working hard towards it, doesn't guarantee it will come about. There isn't even any natural law that requires the harder we work for something the more likely we must be at attaining it. If what someone is hoping for happens to be something integral to survival or healthy development, yet which is a commodity subject to sufficient competition, she/he may have to do without. And this may mean the person dies or suffers. That is a fact of life. We don't all get the things we desperately want or hope for or need. It's disingenuous, or worse, to offer the suffering platitudes we all know are fallacies. Sometimes there is no hope. Wishing or saying otherwise doesn't change that.
I also want to point out that, just like judges, lawyers, and police officers, mental health workers are just average people doing a job. There's no reason either the mental health system or the mental health workers one comes in contact with must be patient or compassionate or affirming or helpful. If you peruse the honest recountings of many who've been through many mental health systems, you see that often, perhaps ironically, mental health is none of these constructive things. There are very many things that can go wrong along the conveyer belt of mental health. I don't mean to discourage people from seeking help. Not at all. But it's naive of our culture to think mental health can address even most of the serious problems out there. In fact, according to our own federal government's expert analysis, and as reported in April 2016 in the New York Times, the US is experiencing our highest suicide rates in 30 years. That statistic is inconsistent with the model of our culture and the mental health system being well equipped to take care of people's emotional needs.
I don't mean to be a downer, but if our culture is going to attack suicide and depression effectively, we should start with some very frank, respectful, open discussions about WHY so very many Americans are deeply depressed, instead of assuming that depression is always treatable--or that the suicidal are always depressed. Censoring people's expressions, disparaging them when they're being honest, smothering them with vacuous platitudes, and washing our hands of them as we ship them off to "mental health" only make matters worse.
My close friend is suicidal, and yesterday she started cutting herself. From what I can tell, she's been suicidal for quite a while, but she doesn't seem to have the usual hiding and crying behavior. She tells almost all of her friends (a lot of the times that's me), and tells us she'll cut like it's no big deal. She refuses to say why she feels this way, but I know she's attempted suicide in the past. I just don't know what to do, because I want to be there for her but she gives me a lot of anxiety. Help..
I think everybody has his reason to commit suicide, but I think we have to fight for the people we love and for the people we are everything to them. I now how this feels I tried it so many times and I am only 18 years old, but I have to fight for so many reasons even if I want to commit suicide. I lost so many people in my life, my family dosen't want me, 2 of my best friends killed themselve, and I tried it 4 times, but even if I am sad that I am still alive I am a little bit glad too because I want to see the world and live my life. So even if you think nobody loves you, so many people around you love you even if you still won't notice this. Stop it, I know YOU CAN DO THIS!!!! Because I can and I will. Since I were 12 I cut myself so many times and now I have to stop. If you think about committing suicide think about the people you love and what you really mean to them. And if this won't help you I can't stop you and I won't stop you because I UNDERSTAND why YOU want to do this.
Nainaram, Please know that you are worthy and you are important. We care and we are here to listen. Chat online with one of our HopeCoaches at http://www.thehopeline.com/gethelp