How to Heal & Get Over a Broken Heart - 6 Steps

To Love or Not to Love? 

A lot of people read my blogs, not because I'm such a great blogger, but because the topic touches right where we live. Just about everyone reaches out to be loved, but love is full of risks. To love is to be vulnerable and therefore easily hurt by the people we love the most. God designed us to love, for He is love Himself. For us to not love others causes a certain death deep inside of us. I received a comment this week from an anonymous person.

He said,"I have a better piece of advice: Don't ever fall in love in the first place. Just don't do it. It always leads to heartbreak and it's never worth it. If you never let yourself fall in love with anyone, then you will never have to worry about getting over a broken heart. It's as simple as that."

I DISAGREE with Anonymous. Being hurt is not the worst thing that will ever happen to us. Not to love is far worse.
So how do you get over a heartbreak that will most assuredly, at some point, come your way? I have come up with 15 ways to get over a broken heart. You can read the list here: 

The list includes warnings of things to avoid and ways to move on as well as things that will help you heal. In this blog, I am expanding on steps to help you heal.   

How to get over a heartbreak: 6 Steps to Healing a Broken Heart

 

1. Take heart. You will get through this.

Having your heart broken over a relationship is going to hurt, in part because of what heartbreak does to your brain, your body, and your mindset. You could lose your appetite, as well as your desire to do much of anything but lay in bed and ache.  It is possible that you may experience shortness of breath from crying. Your ribs may ache, and your eyes may swell. It’s almost like your heart will burst. Confusion might rule your brain. You might feel as bad as you have ever felt. It seems no one can help you.

But you will get through this. There are ways to move on after heartbreak. These intense symptoms begin to subside a little bit at a time, just not soon enough for you. The problem is you may be letting this one event blind you so you cannot see the good things happening in your life. Like the old retro song goes, “I can see clearly now the rain is gone.” There is a reason there are so many songs written about a broken heart. Consider the tens of millions who have gone through what you’re experiencing. They made it and so will you. So, take heart and hold on.

2. Talk to someone who cares.

I heard someone say once that 90% of good counseling is just talking out how you feel. It’s amazing how much better you feel when there’s someone you can talk to who totally understands what you’re going through. The person you are sharing your feelings with can help you feel less alone when everything feels hopeless. It’s kind of like when a guy gets hurt on the football field injuring his knee. Two of his teammates get around him and help carry him off the field. That’s what happens when you have a broken heart. When someone is there, they can help strengthen you when you hurt the most.

The people who suffer the most from heartbreak are those who have no one to help them. The wisest man in the Bible, King Solomon, said, "Two people are better off than one, for they can help each other succeed. If one person falls, the other can reach out and help. But someone who falls alone is in real trouble." So, find a friend or family member, someone you can trust to keep your secrets and talk it out. You’ll be glad you did.

"Talking to someone who you know, and trust will help you greatly. A pastor or just a great friend who maybe is older than you and has more experience with heartbreaks is wonderful. They tell you how they lived and moved on and help you out very much." (Kaitlyn)

3. Allow yourself to be human and feel the pain.

One of the ways we know we are human and truly alive is that we feel pain. Going through a break-up can be very difficult. It's hard to feel such raw emotions, especially when there's no magic solution to make heartbreak go away. This proves we are human.

It is extremely important to let those raw emotions out. Find a safe place where you are comfortable and if possible, let the tears flow. It is our body’s way of ridding itself of the pain and hurt. There was a hit a while back called "Big Girls Don’t Cry" by Fergie. She’s wrong. Big girls are really healthy girls when they show emotion. Some people run from their hurts when really, they should embrace them. It’s only when we feel our pain are we able to honestly deal with it and move on. If we don’t, that pain will reappear somewhere else, usually in an unhealthy way.

"No one wants to be hurt, and when we are, our first instinct is to block it out. Unfortunately, the best ways to block something like that out is through destructive behavior like substance abuse, cutting, and the like. Even worse, the release doesn’t last, and you end up worse off than you were before." (Jonathan)

4. Take your broken heart to God.

If you're wondering how to get over the girl who broke your heart or how move on from your ex-boyfriend, you can turn to God for help. There are those who may think this bit of advice is needless. Nothing could be further from the truth. Here’s why.

You and I were created to love and be loved. When we get down to it, all we really want is to know there is someone who knows all about us and still loves us no matter what. Only God can love us this way. When we have that foundation of knowing we are loved no matter what, we can have the strength to face rejection from others. Only God can give us a deep sense of being loved because He always does, no matter what.

It says in the Bible, "I have loved you with an everlasting love. With unfailing love I have drawn you to myself." So go ahead. Tell God everything you feel about your broken heart. He is there to listen and to help heal you.

"It is very important to go to God after you’ve had a bad relationship. God is the ONLY one who will heal your broken heart." (-Osman)

5. Give yourself time to heal.

If your heart has been broken, it will take time for you to completely heal. At the time of the break-up, almost everyone thinks they will never feel normal again. But God has designed us so we will heal from wounds. It’s amazing to see how our human spirit comes back again. Some people heal faster than others. Some people’s emotions go deeper than others. The deeper your emotions, the longer it will take to heal. But sooner or later you will begin to feel alive again and you will learn to accept this new feeling. Don’t fight the healing process and you will be on your way to smiling again in no time. So be patient with yourself. You will get through this.

"The best thing in the world for a broken heart is time. It’s going to hurt for a while and some days will be better than others, but you will eventually get over the person you lost." (Lindsey)

6. Learn lessons from the experience.

It’s not if difficult things will happen to us. It is inevitable that they will. The question is can we learn from the experience? If we don’t learn, we will keep doing the same thing over and over again and getting the same response. So during this time of hurt, you might want to ask yourself some meaningful questions about your broken relationship. For example, did your relationship include these important things from both you and your partner:

  • Open communication
  • Sensitivity to each other's feelings
  • Trust
  • Ability to see things from each other's perspective

Answers to these and other questions can help you be a much deeper person, better equipped for your next relationship.
"It is always easy to remember that life goes on, no one promised it would be easy, but everything happens for a reason. And if it is something that will change your life, then let it." (Brian T.)

Also, check out my other blogs – 5 Ways to Move Forward After a Broken Heart and 4 Things to Avoid to Save You From Further Heartbreak

Dawson McAllister
Dawson McAllister, also known as America's youth pastor, was an author, radio host, speaker, and founder of TheHopeLine. McAllister attended Bethel College in Minnesota for undergraduate work where he graduated in 1968, began graduate studies at Talbot School of Theology in California, and received an honorary doctorate from Biola University.
Keep Reading
Start Your Hope Journey Now!
Step 1:  Choose a topic
Step 2: Explore our resources
Step 3: Chat with a hope coach

More Like This

Subscribe Now

We will not share your information and we will only send you stuff that matters!
Quick Links

693 comments on “How to Heal & Get Over a Broken Heart - 6 Steps”

  1. I'm 61 woman met him 8 yrs for fun but became good friends, stupidly fell in love gave him my all, only met up a few times as distance was an issue,he moved to cayman island for work so only saw him when he visited UK but spoke everyday anyway 10 months ago he met someone else ( i found out myself )he pused me away with a few messages that he would be in touch, I'm heartbroken but think I ruined the friendship by constant messages asking why he couldn't of been honest in the first place said he always wanted to be friends but now ignores anything I send.
    I was wrong yes and I've said goodbye to him but I'm hurting so much. ..I trusted hin.

  2. I met a woman online who perused me very aggressively. We dated for about 6 months and then she started bombarding me about getting married and not moving fast enough. She's a great person to be around, she has two great kids and I enjoyed every minute I spent with her. I was never against getting married, I just thought that we needed more time to explore each other and let our relationship progress. Well after a final weekend at her place, she changed and started being critical of everything I did or said. We then got into a heated conversation because she felt that our relationship wasn't moving fast enough and she wanted to start dating again. Well we stopped talking completely for two days and when I contacted her again she advised me that she was in a relationship already. As you can imagine, I was devastated and couldn't believe what I was hearing. I can't imagine anyone expects someone to move on so fast and to say that they are really interested in someone after only 2 days. After I calmed down, it was obvious to me that she was possibly seeing this person before we actually stopped talking. Over the past few weeks I've been angry, confused, unable to sleep, missed a ton of work and not sure how to move forward. Of all the woman I've ever dated, I've never had these type of feelings pouring out of me when the answer is right in front of me. I want to move on so bad because I know I deserve more, but my heart keeps taking me back to the good times I had with this woman. I recently found out that she has been spending weekends and week nights with her new boyfriend so that really devastated me more. I'm so ready to move on with my life, but I'm not sure how long getting over this will take. It has been a very difficult few weeks and I'm so over it already. If anyone has any remedies to help I'd love to hear them.

    1. I am sorry to hear this Trey. I have a very similar situation, but slightly different. The girl I have been seeing for 13 months wants to call it quits because I wont have an IVF baby with her "we are in our 40's". Let me explain, she is still married but separated and her ex is in jail for domestic violence and drugs charges, I keep asking her when she will divorce her husband and she always replies with "when the time is right" They were separated for two years before we met. She has a 6 yo daughter than I adore, and she adores me, and we all get along so well, but she never commits to me. She wont talk about living together or sharing our life together, often doesn't invite me to events or parties she is attending, and only seems to hang with me when she wants something or for a nice dinner etc. I do really like her but I told her I need much more of a commitment from her before we talk about having a child, it is then she got really angry, went distant, and then told me it is best we don't see each other anymore. I am completely devastated as I really pictured a future for us, but I cant help but feel that maybe I was just a money bank to her to pay for things and pay for IVF and nothing more, so when she didn't get her way, she left. I still miss her every day and it is SO hard to move on, even though I know now that it appears I was being used and I still think she will get back with her crazy ex when he gets out of prison, why else wouldn't you want to move on with a guy that treats you like a princess and wants nothing more to be in a loving relationship with you? I am heart broken.

  3. Man the pain is real! I have been with my girl for 7 years now and we have hit a really hard spot in the relationship. I haven't been the best boyfriend emotionally. I never cheated on her in the 7 years. I have not shown her as much affection as she would have wanted. Now I just recently found out she is seeing a guy that she says makes her laugh and express himself to her. In her eyes they are just friends. She says she want to work out the relationship with us but continues to hangout with this so called friend of hers. Not sure what to do about this? I know I haven't been emotionally there for her, but is trying to now, I offered to do more things with her and open up more but she doesn't want to go anywhere with me I asked her lets do something today she says she is tired or comes up with other excuses. We got into an argument over this and I told her to be with him and left her house. Now she won't return my text or e-mail it's only been a few days but my heart is melting away. I'm to the point that I'm just going to give up and let it go. Is it too soon to let it go? She is not responding at all.

  4. I thought I was a reasonably, intelligent person. Educated, well liked. I didn't date for 2 years then let a man into my life. 7 months later I find out he was living with a woman. Our entire relationship was a lie. I'm so embarrassed at myself for being so stupid. He was a professional, had a non profit org against bullying. How ironic....I can't get closure from him because he will only lie and manuliplate the situation.

    1. My husband runs a non profit. Cheated with a married woman who does too. They both get recognized for being such wonderful people...helping others reclaim their lives from drugs. No-one lies like the self-righteous. Decades of my life...kids...and he's 11 years older than me. I will say he was a very good liar, as only an (ex)addict could be.

  5. Hi, I'm going through a heartbreak right now and it's really excruciating. Haven't been able to sleep or eat the past few days.. I know time will heal everything and I just can't wait for the time to fly by to make it better..
    He broke up with me through a lonb test message saying that he doesn't have the courage to tell me in person.. at the point I lost it and kept bombarding his phone acting like a crazy woman.. regreted it totally.. and ended up for him to block my calls amd messages..
    I know the breakup is for the best for both of us it's just that I just couldn't come to terms of it yet.. my heart and chest is really physically hurting. Kept asking myself why.. just 3days ago he told me he loved me so much.. The nexy day broke up with me through a lengthy text message.. and he told me he loved another.. maybe he just wants me to move on for good because circumstances does not allow us to be together.
    I have since deleted his number and messages.. That helps in a way not for me to do stupid embarrassing things..
    I just hope time passes by soon, taking away all the pain and hurt that I am going through right now.
    Deep down I am praying so hard for him to come back but reality is he won't. It hurts..
    Tomorrow I'll be removing all our momentos together.. hope I can move on fast..

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

POST COMMENTS

Tired of The Problem?  Try the Solution.

Privacy Policy / Terms of Use
© 2024 TheHopeLine, Inc. Registered 501(c)(3). EIN: 20-1198064
© 2021 core.oxyninja.com. Powered by OxyNinja Core
magnifiercrosschevron-down